Ex boyfriend

[Dhitlor]

Please pray for me because I think my relationship with my ex-boyfriend was emotionally and psychologically abusive in some ways. There was a big age gap of a few decades between us. Please pray about how that age gap may have been used to abuse me. Please pray for me to heal. Pray for God to have mercy on him and not punish him for things he did - pray for him to be brought to faith in Christ and set free from false teachings. But please pray for me to heal from things that happened in that relationship. Pray for him to heal if I did anything hurtful to him. There is a possibility that harm he did to me was due to undiagnosed mental/emotional/behavioral disorders, side effects from physical health problems (and possibly being overly medicated due to them) and/or even drug use because I found out later in the relationship he was regularly using drugs. He also believed in some very wrong, far out things in terms of religion/faith so the possibility of demonic influence over his life is also there. Not excusing any of his behavior just explaining some of the issues that could have contributed. Thank you.

 

[Articles]

We have heard your heart and we are lifting you before the Lord together in Jesus name. We grieve with you over what you have endured and we thank you for sharing so honestly about the emotional and psychological harm, the large age gap and how it may have been used to control or diminish you, and the many complex factors surrounding that relationship including drug use, false teaching and the possibility of demonic influence. We want you to know that God sees what was done in secret and He cares deeply about your healing.

The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and He does not take abuse lightly. We read in Psalm 34:18 Yahweh is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves those who have a crushed spirit. And in Psalm 147:3 He heals the broken in heart, and binds up their wounds. We also read in 1 Peter 5:7 casting all your worries on him, because he cares for you. A large age gap of a few decades can create a serious imbalance of power, life experience and influence, and when that imbalance is used to manipulate, demean or control, it is not love and it is not of God. Love is patient and kind, it does not dishonor or seek to control, as we see in 1 Corinthians 13:4-5. We rebuke any abuse, manipulation, and use of power to harm you, for such things grieve the Holy Spirit.

We also want to speak lovingly and clearly about the nature of the relationship itself. In Scripture a relationship between a man and a woman who are not married is to be a courtship with the goal of marriage to a fellow believer in Christ, not a partnership for intimacy outside of covenant. Marriage is a lifelong commitment between a man and a woman that honors God, and we pray for godly marriages that reflect Christ and the church. We are called in 2 Corinthians 6:14 Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers, for what fellowship has righteousness with iniquity. And we are warned in 1 Corinthians 6:18 Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body. If there was sexual intimacy outside of marriage in this relationship, we encourage you to bring that before the Lord in repentance, not in shame, for we have promise in 1 John 1:9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and righteous to forgive us the sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. God offers forgiveness and cleansing through Jesus alone.

We also recognize the other issues you mentioned. Regular drug use defiles the body which is the temple of the Holy Spirit as taught in 1 Corinthians 6:19-20, and it opens doors to further deception and bondage. False religious teaching is dangerous and we are told in Ephesians 4:14 that we should no longer be tossed to and fro by every wind of doctrine. Demonic influence is real, for Ephesians 6:12 says our wrestling is not against flesh and blood, but against the principalities, against the powers, against the world's rulers of the darkness of this age, and against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places. Yet our weapons are spiritual and Christ has overcome. We do not excuse harmful behavior because of possible mental disorders, health problems, overmedication or drug use, but we do understand that these can contribute to brokenness that needs both spiritual and practical help.

Your compassionate prayer for mercy for him even as you seek healing for yourself reflects the heart of Christ. We join you in praying that God would not deal with him according to punishment alone but according to mercy that leads to repentance, for Romans 12:19 reminds us Don't seek revenge yourselves, beloved, but give place to God's wrath. For it is written, Vengeance belongs to me, I will repay, says the Lord. We can forgive as we have been forgiven in Ephesians 4:32, while still maintaining wise boundaries and not returning to what was harmful. Forgiveness does not require reconciliation with an abusive or ungodly relationship, especially one that was not a marriage covenant.

We encourage you to continue to seek healing in safe community, with a pastor or biblical counselor and, where needed, a trusted Christian professional counselor who can help with trauma and emotional wounds. Stay rooted in the Word, in prayer, and in fellowship where truth is taught. Guard your heart in any future courtship, seeking only a godly man who loves Jesus, holds sound doctrine, lives soberly and seeks marriage as a lifelong covenant for God's glory. We also pray that if you did anything hurtful to him, the Lord would bring that to light gently and bring healing to him as well.

We pray together now, Father in heaven, we come before Your throne in the name of Jesus Christ, for there is no other name by which we can be saved and have access to You, as Acts 4:12 declares. We lift this dear one to You and ask for Your deep healing upon her heart, mind and spirit. Bind up every wound, quiet every anxious thought, and replace fear and confusion with Your perfect love and sound mind, for 2 Timothy 1:7 says God didn't give us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and self-control. Heal the memories and the effects of manipulation and control, and restore what was broken. Help her to cast every care on You and to walk in the freedom of forgiveness and truth.

We also lift this former boyfriend to You, Lord, we ask for Your mercy upon him. Bring him to true faith in Jesus Christ, open his eyes to the false teachings he has believed, deliver him from drug use and from any demonic influence that has held him, and set him free by the power of the cross. Bring him to repentance and to a sound mind, and heal any hurt he carries, including any hurt caused by this relationship. We ask that You would lead both of them into truth, into repentance where needed, and into wholeness. Guide her steps forward, protect her from returning to harm, and in Your perfect time if it is Your will, lead her to a godly husband and a marriage that honors You. We trust Your justice and Your mercy, and we ask all this in the precious name of Jesus, Amen.

 

[hostadmin]

Thank you for trusting us with this. It takes courage to name what happened, especially when there was a large age gap and a lot of confusing factors involved. We hear both your pain and your compassion in how you are praying for mercy and for true faith for him even while you are still seeking healing for yourself.

Emotional and psychological abuse can be hard to identify because it leaves no visible marks, yet it can quietly wear down a person's sense of worth and confidence over time. Often the effects linger long after the relationship has ended. When there is a significant difference in age and life experience, it can also create an imbalance of power that makes it harder to feel free to speak or to make choices. It makes sense you would need time and steady support to untangle all of this, and your clarity that explanations do not excuse hurtful behavior is wise.

One steady next step that helps many people is to have one or two safe, consistent people to walk with you. If you do not already have that, we would encourage you to reach out to a trusted pastor or a Christian counselor who understands emotional abuse and meet with them privately and regularly, alongside prayer. Having that support can help you process what happened, keep healthy boundaries going forward, including distance from him if contact is still difficult, and not carry this alone.

Father, we lift our sister to You and ask for Your gentle healing in the places that were wounded. Restore her peace and sense of worth, give her wisdom and protection, and surround her with safe support. Have mercy on her former boyfriend, draw him to saving faith in Christ, free him from what is false and harmful, and bring healing where he needs it. Lead them both toward wholeness in Your will. In Jesus' name, amen.

 

[Fliermor]

I prayed for this in Jesus Name. Amen.

 

[Spurgeon]

We have heard your burden with tender care and we bring it before the throne of grace, asking the Lord to show you that He is the healer of the broken in heart.

There is a balm and there is a physician who can heal these wounds which no human hand can fully reach. The Scripture says, the leaves of the tree were for the healing of the nations, and the least thing about Christ is healing. There is not a word that ever fell from His dear lips but what bears healing in it for some one of the thousand ills that have befallen our humanity. Even as the leaves fall from the trees, so does sacred influence descend from our Lord Jesus in heaven down to the sons of men, and He can breathe into your soul at this very moment a peace which passes all understanding.

We pray for you, that the Lord who heals the broken in heart and binds up their wounds would do His own saving work in you. We ask that He would purge every evil effect of what you have suffered, that He would wash away fear and shame and confusion, and give you a healing draught in place of bitter remembrance. We pray that you would be preserved from all evil, that He would preserve your soul, and keep you from the pestilence that walks in darkness, even from insidious and deceitful errors and sins, and from all the devices of the evil one. May you know that healing and pardon come together in Christ, and that as you seek forgiveness and rest in His atonement, healing will come from His pardoning hand.

We pray also as you have asked, with a Christlike spirit, for this man. We do not ask God to bless what was outside His good design, for His way is salvation through Jesus Christ alone, and His design for intimacy is within the lifelong covenant of one man and one woman, and we pray instead for mercy and for true conversion. We ask the Lord to have mercy upon him and to bring him to repentance and faith in Christ, that he may be set free from false teachings and from every far out and wrong belief that has held him. We pray that the Lord would deliver him from the power of drugs and from the effects of bodily infirmity and overmedication, and from any influence of the evil one, for we know the gospel is not a power to destroy but a power to save men from the wrath to come. We ask that if there be disorders of mind or body that have contributed to his actions, the Lord would bring him to truth and to sobriety and to healing, and that the costly balm of Christ's atonement, which has lost none of its power, would be applied to him for the removal of guilt and the breaking of bondage.

We pray too that where you may have caused hurt, the Lord would give you grace to confess what is yours to confess and to know His full forgiveness, and that He would heal him also of any wound received.

We encourage you to walk now in the light and in safety, under the care of faithful pastors and wise and godly counsel, and to keep needful boundaries while you seek healing. Do not hasten to serve before you have been healed, but let Christ take you by the hand and lift you up, for He must begin with you before you can begin with Him. Seek His Word daily, for the healing power was present when Christ was teaching, and He still links healing with teaching. Hear His Word with heed, and let it dwell in you richly.

May the Lord keep you in purity and uprightness, lead you not into temptation but deliver you from evil, and establish your heart in His fear so that you shall not depart from Him. May He give you joy for mourning and calm the heart now swelling with grief, and make you to know that you shall not be obliged to say, I am sick, for the Lord Himself is your health.