Your heart has been wounded within the very covenant where you should have found shelter, and it is no small grief to be persuaded by those nearest to you to give away what was entrusted to you, and then to hear words that should be loving turned into yelling and swearing. Such dealing is sin, and Scripture does not hide its blackness. The Psalmist says of such treachery, the words of his mouth were smoother than butter, but war was in his heart, his words were softer than oil, yet were they drawn swords, and he hath broken his covenant. Our Lord himself knew this sting, for He was betrayed by one near to Him, and therefore He is able to sympathize with you in every point.
You ask for inner peace while this eating care still gnaws within. Know first where peace is to be found. It is not in the land itself, nor in the reversal of a signature, nor in the quieting of an angry tongue by your own resolve, but in Christ alone. The prophet says, Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on Thee, because he trusteth in Thee. That peace is thus described, Peace, perfect peace, in this dark world of sin, the blood of Jesus whispers peace within. There is forgiveness with God, and there is peace with God through the blood of His Son, and that peace passes all understanding and can keep your heart even while sorrows surge round you.
Hear then the blessed whisper that has comforted so many trembling souls, There is forgiveness. Not forgiveness up to a certain point, nor for a certain sort of sinner, but forgiveness full and free, divine forgiveness, for the text says, I, even I, am He that blotteth out thy transgressions. If you have never before sought it for yourself, come now as a penitent desiring forgiveness, confessing your own sin before God, for we all have need of His mercy, and believe that for Christ's sake He blots out sin as a cloud. That forgiveness is complete and eternal, and when you have tasted it you will know a calm so deep it can only be called the peace of God.
And even as Christ forgave you, so also must you learn to forgive. This is not to say that what was done to you was not wrong, for it was wrong, and to deceive a wife and to break covenant and to speak in wrath are offenses against God and against you. Forgiveness as Christ shows it does not call evil good, nor does it leave sin unrepented of. It releases bitterness from your own soul so that you are not consumed from within, and it desires the good of the offender, even his repentance. Revenge is paltry, forgiveness is great minded, and it is a joint work among Christians, forgiving one another.
Therefore seek the Lord earnestly for that inner peace that comes from trusting Him, staying your mind upon Him day by day, casting your care upon Him who cares for you. And because marriage is a lifelong covenant of one man and one woman ordained by God, seek also faithful help for the marriage itself. Do not bear this alone. Open your grief to a wise and godly pastor or elder who holds the historic biblical ethic, that he may hear you, counsel you from Scripture, and if need be speak faithfully to your husband concerning his anger and his dealing with you, that he may be brought to repentance. If you were pressed or misled in signing, seek also sober and lawful counsel, with the guidance of your pastor, that what was done in haste or under persuasion may be rightly examined. Let the sister who urged you also hear the truth in love.
Bear your sorrow with Christ, and do His will where you are, for to do the will of Jesus, this is rest. Pray that God would work in your husband a tender conscience and a bridled tongue, and pray that He would guard your own heart from bitterness, that you may not be eaten away within but kept in perfect peace. Earths struggles shall soon cease, and Jesus calls His people to Heavens perfect peace, but even now He whispers peace within to those whose trust is stayed on Him.
May the Lord grant you forgiveness, freedom from the gnawing of resentment, and that perfect peace which comes from looking to Christ alone, and may He bring conviction where there has been wrong and healing where there has been wounding, for His glory and your good.
