treeoflife
Account Closed
Dear Jesus, why have You left me out? Can I ask You why You've not fulfilled Your promises written for every christian who believes in Your name Jesus Christ, to me? I have asked and begged, and come boldly and humbly at many times. Now I am tired. God, You are breaking me in Your silence. I am that disciple on the hull of the ship who goes to wake Jesus, and He just doesn't wake up. God, act now, Father my God. I can't stand this situation I'm in.
Have I not shown that I am a forgiving man? If I have, and I have, why do You hold me in contempt - this is against the gospel of Christ Jesus, and I stand before His door already forgiven, even if not, to be answered as God has called me to do through His only Son.
God, I am a human - my days are all numbered, along with the days when I will be attractive and pleasing to another person. I am angry to death with myself, perhaps even with my relationship with You - I do not know how to please an Almighty God. The instructions are before me in the gospels, instructions I fulfill even in my poverty, while I lack food, because I know my own imperfections, I still go and do Your word as much as I can. But God, I need You to act now.
If You hesitate, I consider You have disowned me, Yahweh God Almighty, I consider You have disowned me if You do not act. I am at the door of wanting to die, wanting no longer to bear in life, because of the curses that You swore You would not put upon me, according to the promises of Christ, that I endure for NO REASON, the evil that I encounter every day: And I ask myself not IF there is a God, but because I know the truth that God is real, I say: God has hated me and singled me out to be a mark for shame. All this You swore in Jesus' blood You would not do to me, yet You have wrought it in my life, and You have not repented of the works You've done to me. I am Your believer, I AM THAT I AM, but I have had a husband before the altar of God who cheated on me for YEARS, I have had every calamity thrown at me, I was abused through my childhood, and now I am at the door of God, who in turn has slapped me repeatedly. What am I to say? That I am Your child, a loving God, and You neglect to show me Your love? Forgive me if I misunderstand You, Lord, I am little more than a trained monkey, and I am stupid like an infant to understand God, indeed God I am like a dog, but insomuch as You've allowed me to understand in Your gospels: all of this should not be.
I believe, - and I confess when people tell me. I have been baptized, and I baptize. I have preached the gospel, I share the bible, and I have been shared with. I do other things which I will not mention because You promised goodness for my secrecy. Where are You then? Why do You hide Your goodness from me, it is cruelty, Jehovah, to do so. And I understand if You deal me cruelty, but that means I must not be Your child. I don't want the children of God to do other than beg God's response. It needs to come from Him. From Him, His angels, and from Jesus Christ the King. I do not want to hear anymore from men, - these answers in the severity of my situation need to come from the throne, and the servants thereof who are not mortal.
Jesus, You my King, who have known every blessing, - You hear me crying out, but I am less than the leprous man to You? And You will not come to me to heal me, to put Your miracles on me, and make me whole completely, so that I might testify to this world about You? Do You see no opportunity in me?
If so, send Your messenger to disown me, or else I will assume I am disowned eventually. You think maybe that I have the patience of God, or of some saint, but I am a man who is already broken, and I feel spit on by God in heaven. Repeatedly. And I can deal no longer with this shame, Christ. So I apologize. But I am at the end of my ability to deal so much with a God who will not act on my behalf, or do with me what needs to be done so that I can be set right again. I am at the end of my ability to deal with a loving God who pours out hatred and evil in my life. Act now, YAHWEH, JESUS, act now Christ. You want boldness: here is my boldness: Act, saviour God. This broken lamb needs You. If You are not acting, surely on this jagged mountaintop I will die. Amen in Jesus Christ's name.
Have I not shown that I am a forgiving man? If I have, and I have, why do You hold me in contempt - this is against the gospel of Christ Jesus, and I stand before His door already forgiven, even if not, to be answered as God has called me to do through His only Son.
God, I am a human - my days are all numbered, along with the days when I will be attractive and pleasing to another person. I am angry to death with myself, perhaps even with my relationship with You - I do not know how to please an Almighty God. The instructions are before me in the gospels, instructions I fulfill even in my poverty, while I lack food, because I know my own imperfections, I still go and do Your word as much as I can. But God, I need You to act now.
If You hesitate, I consider You have disowned me, Yahweh God Almighty, I consider You have disowned me if You do not act. I am at the door of wanting to die, wanting no longer to bear in life, because of the curses that You swore You would not put upon me, according to the promises of Christ, that I endure for NO REASON, the evil that I encounter every day: And I ask myself not IF there is a God, but because I know the truth that God is real, I say: God has hated me and singled me out to be a mark for shame. All this You swore in Jesus' blood You would not do to me, yet You have wrought it in my life, and You have not repented of the works You've done to me. I am Your believer, I AM THAT I AM, but I have had a husband before the altar of God who cheated on me for YEARS, I have had every calamity thrown at me, I was abused through my childhood, and now I am at the door of God, who in turn has slapped me repeatedly. What am I to say? That I am Your child, a loving God, and You neglect to show me Your love? Forgive me if I misunderstand You, Lord, I am little more than a trained monkey, and I am stupid like an infant to understand God, indeed God I am like a dog, but insomuch as You've allowed me to understand in Your gospels: all of this should not be.
I believe, - and I confess when people tell me. I have been baptized, and I baptize. I have preached the gospel, I share the bible, and I have been shared with. I do other things which I will not mention because You promised goodness for my secrecy. Where are You then? Why do You hide Your goodness from me, it is cruelty, Jehovah, to do so. And I understand if You deal me cruelty, but that means I must not be Your child. I don't want the children of God to do other than beg God's response. It needs to come from Him. From Him, His angels, and from Jesus Christ the King. I do not want to hear anymore from men, - these answers in the severity of my situation need to come from the throne, and the servants thereof who are not mortal.
Jesus, You my King, who have known every blessing, - You hear me crying out, but I am less than the leprous man to You? And You will not come to me to heal me, to put Your miracles on me, and make me whole completely, so that I might testify to this world about You? Do You see no opportunity in me?
If so, send Your messenger to disown me, or else I will assume I am disowned eventually. You think maybe that I have the patience of God, or of some saint, but I am a man who is already broken, and I feel spit on by God in heaven. Repeatedly. And I can deal no longer with this shame, Christ. So I apologize. But I am at the end of my ability to deal so much with a God who will not act on my behalf, or do with me what needs to be done so that I can be set right again. I am at the end of my ability to deal with a loving God who pours out hatred and evil in my life. Act now, YAHWEH, JESUS, act now Christ. You want boldness: here is my boldness: Act, saviour God. This broken lamb needs You. If You are not acting, surely on this jagged mountaintop I will die. Amen in Jesus Christ's name.
