Anonymous
Beloved of All
I am a young man and I have not had much dating experience and never knew too many women over the course of my life. Last year, I had prayed to the Lord to send me someone and the very next day I met a woman who I had much in common with and shared many wants in life and values with, including faith. After being friends for a few months, I asked her out and we dated for about a month. During that time, I succumbed to temptation and thought terrible things, looked up those terrible things on the internet, and acted out on them (a horrible habit I had been struggling with on and off with since I was around 12). In my shame, I prayed to God, asking that if there was any chance I would potentially harm her through my sin, to please take her away from me. The very next time the two of us spoke after that, she broke things off. She had told me that she had been praying about the relationship as well and felt compelled to end things before we became too attached to one another because of a few reasons that her prayer revealed to her. None of those reasons were what I had experienced, so I believe the Lord was being merciful to me by sparing me the shame of her knowing. That was several months ago and in the meantime, we still remained friends, but I had been hanging on to an underlying hope that she might come back to me someday if I can improve myself in the eyes of God and make myself worthy of a second chance. Recently however, she began seeing someone else who I admit is a better man than I am who appears to have caught her interest more than I ever did. I still believe that the Lord sent her to me, but not as a direct answer to my prayer, but as a lesson to be taught or a test to go through. I would like to pray to ask the Lord to take away the emotional attachment to her that I have neglected to let go of. Waiting this long had only prolonged and increased the pain. I would like to ask the Lord that I will learn every lesson He intended for me to learn through this and that I will never forget these lessons. A wife who I love and family of my own that I am worthy enough to care for were always things I had been in want of more than any material possession, and I feel like my sins condemn me to a life of solitude and a lonely death. The thought of her coming back is nice, but I don't really even want to entertain such a thought anymore because it is very unlikely to come true and will only lengthen my discomfort. I know that my experience is common among young men, but I am struggling to deal with it because she was the first girl I ever went out with and I have never met one that I had so much in common with. The fact that she appeared right after I prayed for someone is also very disheartening. At the time I am writing this, we are still friends and I would very much like to remain friends with her. Because of the way God had our paths cross, she will always be very special to me. But to become a genuinely good friend to her, I must let go of all desire and all thoughts of being anything more than just a friend to her. I thank you all, and God bless you for what you do.