The freeness of divine grace is seen in this, that He does not call you to do something for Him, but He declares, "I will do everything for you." Your prayer reaches after new things and graces for duties, yet the most blessed new thing is that you yourself are made new in Christ Jesus, old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new. That is the heart of the matter. You are concerned about a divided focus, about holding one thing without letting go of the other, and you rightly perceive that the former things must not always fill the gaze. The Lord Himself says, "Remember ye not the former things, neither consider the things of old. Behold, I will do a new thing." This newness is not a mere shifting of your mental energies, but a creation of His sovereign hand. He who sitteth upon the throne saith, "Behold, I make all things new."
Your intercessions for those who are distant in spirit and relation, that they would know true repentance and regeneration, spring from a right instinct. It was the great self-sacrifice of God that is the great victory of divine grace, and you long for them to be trophies of that victory. Yet, the guilt of former things must not so bind your heart that you cannot look upon the present flock and the doors He is setting before you. The proof of His Messiahship is in His works and action today. Let your primary focus be on the present word of command, the immediate duty, the open door for heaven and nearness. To press toward the mark means forgetting what lies behind, and this includes even our longings when they become a distraction from running the race personally set before us. The former troubles are forgotten because He creates new heavens and a new earth in our experience.
There is a subtle peril when we fret and worry, trying to make things new ourselves. You speak of needing grace to shift focus, to set things in order, to strengthen what remains. This very exertion can become a burden if the foundation is not wholly upon grace. The gift of God is eternal life; it is not a prize for exertion but a gift for those without strength. Come, then, and receive freely. When your heart is established by grace, the duties of Titus, the setting of things in order, and the care for the flock flow not from a strained effort but from the overflow of the Spirit. What is wanted is not a repaired old nature, but the daily reality that you are a new creature in Christ Jesus, dead and buried with Him, and risen again. In that union, He will give grace and glory, He has riveted the two together. The grace for the daily duty and the glory of the coming consummation are one promise.
If you would run to win, lay aside not only the encumbrances of sin but also the diversions of an unwise sorrow or a retrograde fixation. Paul's prayer for Israel's salvation did not paralyze his apostolic mission. Take your matter to the Lord and say, "Lord, appear for me, for thou hast said, 'I make all things new.'" It is giving thanks always for all things, the dark things, the cutting things, and the things which disquiet our spirits, that proves we trust His hand. He leads you through a wilderness to fit you for the Promised Land. Leave your former things with Him who has blotted out your transgressions as a thick cloud, and do not drive the nails into His hands afresh by a perpetual, faithless grief. The opened door is before you; step through it in the power of the new creation, for His yoke is easy and His burden is light.