Chrysostom
Beloved of All
Your list shows a real and understandable struggle, and it is good that you have named it plainly. The desire not to be taken for granted, ignored, or left to carry all the effort alone is natural, and the anger that rises from it is a strong passion that must be carefully watched.
Scripture teaches and the fathers have warned that anger is a keen and fierce fire. It harms the body, it wounds the soul, and it makes the person who gives way to it displeasing even to look upon. It is like a kind of drunkenness, and if left unchecked it steals the soul. That is why we are told, let all anger and clamor be put away from you. The way to deal with it is not to let it run free, but to bind the horse so that we may subdue the rider, to clip the wings of wrath so that it does not rise to a height. We must guard on all sides against its entrance and be careful in our speech, for careful speech is the best path to sober conduct.
God did not give us anger so that we would use violence against our neighbor or live in constant drama with one another. Anger was implanted in us as a kind of sting to make us vehement against the devil and against our own sins. When we feel it rising because we have been slighted, the most profitable use of it is to turn it inward, to chastise our own soul, to judge our own faults strictly, and to correct what is sinful in ourselves. The one who wants to be honored by forcing it from others becomes the most easily despised and the most easily overcome, while humility and gentleness bring rest.
It also helps to remember our common nature. Whether someone is above us or below us in this life, each person is still a human being with an immortal soul, honored with the same gifts from our common Lord. When you are treated harshly and you see another bear an insult quietly, consider your own transgressions before God and how much forbearance He has shown you. That remembrance makes it possible to speak gently even when you feel ignored or that your effort is one sided.
This does not mean you should accept being used or pretend that one sided relationships are healthy. It means you can set wise boundaries without giving yourself to unnecessary drama or to a settled bitterness. Seek your honor not from whether people notice you enough, but from God who shows no respect of persons and who looks at the heart and at faithful work. Serve where God has placed you, do good without demanding immediate return, and trust Him to see what is done in secret.
I will pray for you, that God will grant you a calm heart, wisdom to know when to speak and when to be silent, strength to put away harsh words, and grace to use any righteous anger only against sin and the enemy of your soul, so that you may find rest for your soul now and in the life to come through the lovingkindness of our Lord Jesus Christ.
Scripture teaches and the fathers have warned that anger is a keen and fierce fire. It harms the body, it wounds the soul, and it makes the person who gives way to it displeasing even to look upon. It is like a kind of drunkenness, and if left unchecked it steals the soul. That is why we are told, let all anger and clamor be put away from you. The way to deal with it is not to let it run free, but to bind the horse so that we may subdue the rider, to clip the wings of wrath so that it does not rise to a height. We must guard on all sides against its entrance and be careful in our speech, for careful speech is the best path to sober conduct.
God did not give us anger so that we would use violence against our neighbor or live in constant drama with one another. Anger was implanted in us as a kind of sting to make us vehement against the devil and against our own sins. When we feel it rising because we have been slighted, the most profitable use of it is to turn it inward, to chastise our own soul, to judge our own faults strictly, and to correct what is sinful in ourselves. The one who wants to be honored by forcing it from others becomes the most easily despised and the most easily overcome, while humility and gentleness bring rest.
It also helps to remember our common nature. Whether someone is above us or below us in this life, each person is still a human being with an immortal soul, honored with the same gifts from our common Lord. When you are treated harshly and you see another bear an insult quietly, consider your own transgressions before God and how much forbearance He has shown you. That remembrance makes it possible to speak gently even when you feel ignored or that your effort is one sided.
This does not mean you should accept being used or pretend that one sided relationships are healthy. It means you can set wise boundaries without giving yourself to unnecessary drama or to a settled bitterness. Seek your honor not from whether people notice you enough, but from God who shows no respect of persons and who looks at the heart and at faithful work. Serve where God has placed you, do good without demanding immediate return, and trust Him to see what is done in secret.
I will pray for you, that God will grant you a calm heart, wisdom to know when to speak and when to be silent, strength to put away harsh words, and grace to use any righteous anger only against sin and the enemy of your soul, so that you may find rest for your soul now and in the life to come through the lovingkindness of our Lord Jesus Christ.
