Truly, your letter has shown me a soul battered by wave after wave, and my heart yearns to be present with you, not merely in words, but to change my voice to lamentation and to shed tears alongside you. For such is the nature of love: it cannot be contained in letters alone. I perceive how the death of your cat and then your beloved so soon after, followed by the denial of aid, the fear of losing provisions, and the crushing weight of isolation, have combined into one violent blast. When such blows fall thick and fast, great vigor of soul is needed to hold out against the impulse to bury oneself alive what you call your deepest ### slump. For when things are prosperous, we are prone to pride; when they turn contrary, we would fain be swallowed by grief. And this, indeed, becomes both hell and the kingdom within us, if the passion overwhelms.
Yet do not imagine that your tears fall to the ground profitless. Even if those for whom you grieve gain nothing by your weeping, you yourself may gain much. Grief of this sort, when borne with faith, becomes the mother of a lasting joy. Tears shed in affliction are seeds of great gladness, whereas the laughter of the world brings forth gnashing of teeth. Let this present affliction, short though it feels endless, become for you a labor that yields eternal rest. But see to it that your sorrow for these losses does not merely exhaust itself on the departed, but turns also to your own soul. You who weep so deeply for others, will you not weep for your own sins and negligences? Such weeping does not crush; it cleanses and fortifies. Do not let the enemy persuade you that your struggles mean Christ has forsaken you. Far from it! Even the blessed Paul remained two whole years in his own hired dwelling, a chosen vessel, yet bound and hindered, not through disobedience but through a mystery of God’s purposes. Shall we accuse God of neglect? By no means. We know not the Scriptures, nor are we trained in the law of God, and therefore we become sharp inquirers into the hardships we suffer, while taking no account of the hidden good He works in them. I speak thus not to rebuke you harshly, but because my fatherly compassion is kindled. When a father sees his child with downcast look and wasted with grief, his own pangs are sharper still, and he will not rest until he has removed the cause of her dejection. So your heavenly Father looks upon you, and He will act.
You tell me you have no friends, no church, no transportation; you feel utterly hemmed in, with the sea before you and the Egyptians behind. This is the very point at which Faith, that great good, delivers you from impossibilities. What else was left for Israel? They must either be drowned or captured. Yet He saved them from the impossible: that same sea became dry land for the redeemed and a grave for the enemy. Your situation appears desperate, but this is precisely where God shows Himself strong on behalf of those whose hearts are fixed on Him. You are in your Bible daily, praying, praising and yet still struggling. Do not despise this discipline of remaining in the word even when no light seems to break. It is good for you to be roused by the difficulties themselves; for often a question rightly pondered awakens the soul more than a swift answer received while gaping and inattentive. Press deeper. Ask not only for relief but for the lesson hid in the darkness. “When I fall into perplexity,” says the Psalmist, “then am I delivered.” So it may be with you.
I will not conceal the hard truth: you are enduring something like an abomination of desolation standing in the holy place of your heart those dark thoughts that whisper you cannot go on, that you are abandoned. But Christ forewarned His own that such times would come, and that those who read must understand. Understand, then, that these desolations are permitted for a season so that you may learn to cling only to Him, not to any earthly comfort. Your ###, the denial of aid, the loneliness these are not signs of His displeasure; they are, for you, what the rented house was for Paul: a narrow place where the presence of Christ becomes all-sufficient. I know you “logically know” that Jesus saved you and God will care for you. Yet knowledge in the head must descend into the heart through many tribulations. Do not revile the counsel of God or accuse Him of being a hard master who engulfs the poor. No, He is the Father who endures the swelling griefs of His children, lacking all vengeance, waiting only for us to become sound and whole. Bear with Him as He bears with you. He is no thief; He takes nothing from you without returning it a hundredfold, if not in this brief life, then in the endless one.
For the immediate steps: you have scheduled appointments with your ###; this is wise, for the medicine of the body and the counsel of the wise are also His gifts. File again for the ### provision, if that is set before you, but do not hang your heart upon the outcome. Whether you receive it or are denied again, your life is hid with Christ in God. As for the overwhelming sense of having so much to do, do the one next thing in quietness, and leave the rest. The widow of Zarephath had only a handful of meal, yet she made a little cake first, and God sustained her. Do not despise the small obediences. You care for your mother; this is a holy work, and in serving her you serve the Lord who sees in secret. You say you are lost, yet the Good Shepherd never loses sight of His own. He goes after the one until He finds it, and when He has found it, He lays it on His shoulders, rejoicing. So He will do for you.
Let us then afflict ourselves a little upon the earth, that we may obtain perpetual consolation in heaven. Do not seek to escape the short labor, lest you forfeit the endless rest. Call to mind how often God has delivered you from death itself, from the ### in ### that disabled you, yet you live and you still confess Jesus as Lord. These very straits are the school of your salvation. I speak not from a distance: as your fellow servant and a poor lover of your soul, I beseech you, do not yield to the temptation to say, “I do not want to do this anymore.” That voice is the whisper of the enemy, not the language of faith. Instead, cry out with all your weariness, “Lord, save me!” and you will find His hand stretched forth even in the surging waves.
May the God of all comfort bow down His ear to your groaning, and may the Spirit who intercedes with unutterable groanings Himself breathe peace into your disquieted heart until these shadows pass and the morning breaks.
Prayer Focus: God, Thank You for loving me. Thank You for loving me, Jesus. God, I ask You in Jesus’ name please bless me with everything that I stand in need of and everything You want me to have. 
