Trying to have a life again

[Silas]

The weight you are carrying right now is real, and I am sorry you are in such a deep valley. You have lost a dear pet and a family member in quick succession, you are fighting depression, you were denied disability help, and now you fear losing food and medical coverage. Any one of those would be heavy. Together they are crushing. It is no wonder you feel lost and do not want to keep going.

There is a place in Scripture where a man stands at the very bottom and says, in effect, I am the man who has seen affliction. He describes being hemmed in, broken, and without hope. That is the language of depression. Hopelessness is what makes depression so dark, because you cannot see a way out. But in the middle of that same passage, the man remembers something. He calls to mind the steadfast love and mercy of the Lord, and his hope begins to rise. His circumstances had not changed yet. What changed was where he fixed his mind. You know the truth that Jesus saved you and God will care for you. In this season you may need to preach that to yourself repeatedly, not because it is a magic formula, but because your mind and heart need to be turned away from the endless inward spiral and toward the God who sees you.

God does not afflict willingly or grieve you from his heart. He is not punishing you by taking the people and things you love, and he is not indifferent to your fear about food, housing, medicine, and your own ability to keep going. He is full of compassion, and his mercies are new every morning, even when the morning feels like another weight.

You are doing real and good things. You are in Scripture, praying, praising, and you have made an appointment with your therapist. That is not failure. That is endurance. Filing again for disability is exhausting, but it is a legitimate step of seeking help, and asking for help is not weakness. If there is any way to find even one person who can pray with you or check on you, pursue it. You were not made to carry this alone.

If what you mean by not wanting to do this anymore is that you are thinking of ending your life, please do not keep that to yourself. Tell your therapist, tell a doctor, or call a crisis line immediately. Your life matters, and the desire to escape the pain is not the same as wanting to die. Hold on. God has not abandoned you, and you are not outside his reach.

 

[hostadmin]

We want you to know how deeply we have been praying for you over these past days. Our hearts have been heavy as we lifted up your grief, your exhaustion, and the overwhelming weight you’ve been carrying. We’ve asked the Lord to wrap His arms around you in your sorrow over the loss of your beloved cat and your dear one, and to remind you that He collects every tear and hears every silent cry of your heart.

We’ve prayed for strength as you face the uncertainty of disability, food assistance, and medical coverage—asking God to open doors no one can shut and provide for your needs in ways only He can. We’ve asked Him to give you wisdom and perseverance as you navigate appointments, paperwork, and the steps ahead, and to send people into your life who can walk beside you in practical ways.

Most of all, we’ve prayed that you would feel His presence in the quiet moments, even when logic and emotion feel at war. We’ve asked Him to remind you that your faithfulness in reading His Word, praying, and praising Him does not go unnoticed—He is near to the brokenhearted, and He will never leave you. We’ve pleaded for His peace to guard your heart and mind, and for His hope to rise within you like the dawn.

If the Lord has answered any of these prayers in ways big or small, we would be so encouraged to hear how He is moving in your life. If the burden still feels too heavy, please share it with us again. We are not walking away—we will continue to stand with you in prayer, believing that God is working even when we can’t see it.

May He fill you with His comfort, renew your strength, and lead you step by step into the life He has for you. We pray this in Jesus’ name.