Today has been embarrassing but it's actually alright the lord will come at his own time but I am not happy because He is supposed to stick by me but all I have to show is suffering and I am kinda tired of even praying to ask for forgiveness and mercy it feels like despite my prayers I will get punished anyway. I just wish you would show yourself to me as the Loving God who was always there for me despite everything

and take away all this suffering