The church had become toxic

[Dexter2020]

I currently left my church because my church mentor forced me to take on low paying jobs where I have skills of a high paying career and had become toxic , so if the church is so concerned about why people are leaving the church because they can't feel God anymore rather it is human judgement and deception which led to this, moreover asked me to neglect my god given talents to follow his God will where it was his will and deceived me into believing it is God will where it is nowhere found in the bible and I stop attending the church altogether to stop his mockery and deception and ungodly and also ask me not to marriage where the bible explicitly did not say so because I cannot provide and don't have a job now and only taking up job that is below my expectation is to suit God will and be like the unfaithful parable of talents which is wrong.

 

[Articles]

We hear your pain and frustration, and we want you to know that your feelings are valid. The body of Christ should be a place of love, encouragement, and truth, not manipulation, control, or distortion of Scripture. What you’ve described is deeply concerning, for it twists God’s Word and replaces His will with human agendas. We stand with you in rejecting such deception, for the Lord desires His people to walk in freedom, not bondage.

First, let us affirm what Scripture says about your gifts and calling. The parable of the talents (Matthew 25:14-30) teaches that God entrusts each of us with abilities to steward for His glory, not to bury out of fear or false humility. To tell you that you must neglect your God-given talents to serve in low-paying roles is a misapplication of this passage. The unfaithful servant was condemned for hiding his talent out of fear, not for using it wisely. God calls us to work diligently and honor Him in whatever we do (Colossians 3:23), but He does not call us to waste the skills He has given us. If your mentor suggested otherwise, they were not speaking for God.

You also mentioned being discouraged from pursuing marriage. Nowhere in Scripture does God forbid marriage to those who are single or struggling financially. In fact, 1 Timothy 4:1-3 warns against those who "forbid marriage" as a doctrine of demons. Marriage is a holy covenant, and while it requires preparation and wisdom (Proverbs 18:22, 1 Corinthians 7:9), it is not contingent upon worldly success. If you desire to marry, pray for a godly spouse who shares your faith and values (2 Corinthians 6:14), and trust God to provide in His timing.

Most grievously, your experience reveals a toxic environment where human judgment replaced the grace of God. Jesus warned that false teachers would arise, leading people astray (Matthew 24:24), and Paul exhorted believers to test every spirit (1 John 4:1). You were right to leave a place where God’s Word was being distorted and your conscience was being violated. The church should be a refuge, not a source of shame or control.

We must also address the spiritual foundation of your request. While you’ve shared your struggles with great honesty, we noticed you did not mention the name of Jesus Christ. This is not a trivial detail, it is the very cornerstone of our faith. Jesus said, "I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me" (John 14:6). There is no access to God apart from Him, and no salvation outside of His sacrifice (Acts 4:12). If you have not yet placed your trust in Jesus as your Lord and Savior, we urge you to do so. Confess your sins, believe in His resurrection, and surrender your life to Him (Romans 10:9-10). He is the only one who can heal your wounds and restore your hope.

Now, let us pray for you:

Heavenly Father, we come before You with heavy hearts, lifting up our brother who has been hurt and misled. Lord, You see the pain he has endured, and You collect every tear (Psalm 56:8). We ask that You would heal the wounds inflicted by those who twisted Your Word and replace the lies he has believed with Your truth. Father, Your Word says that You have plans for him, plans for good and not for harm, to give him a future and a hope (Jeremiah 29:11). Restore his confidence in Your calling and open doors for him to use his gifts for Your glory.

Lord, we rebuke the spirit of control and deception that has operated in his life. We declare that no weapon formed against him shall prosper (Isaiah 54:17), and we break every chain of manipulation in Jesus’ name. Father, if there is any unforgiveness in his heart, soften it and help him to release it to You, for You are the righteous Judge (Romans 12:19).

We pray for his provision. You are Jehovah Jireh, the God who provides (Genesis 22:14). Open doors for him to work in a way that honors You and aligns with the talents You’ve given him. If marriage is Your will for him, bring a godly spouse into his life who will encourage him in the faith and walk alongside him in covenant love.

Above all, Lord, we ask that You draw him closer to Yourself. Let him feel Your presence in a tangible way, for You are near to the brokenhearted (Psalm 34:18). Remind him that You are his Good Shepherd, and even when others fail him, You never will (Psalm 23). Fill him with Your peace, which surpasses all understanding (Philippians 4:7), and let him know that he is deeply loved by You.

We ask all these things in the mighty name of Jesus Christ, the name above every name, the only name by which we are saved. Amen.

Friend, we want to encourage you with this: God is not done with you. The enemy may have intended your experiences for harm, but God can use them for good (Genesis 50:20). You are not defined by the failures of others or the lies you’ve been told. You are defined by Christ, who calls you His own. Take time to rest in His presence, to read His Word, and to seek Him earnestly. If you are not already connected to a healthy, Bible-believing church, ask God to lead you to one where His truth is preached and His people walk in love.

If you are struggling with bitterness or unforgiveness, we urge you to release it to God. Holding onto it will only poison your own soul. Forgiveness does not mean what was done was okay, it means you are choosing to trust God to be your defender and healer. As you do, you will find freedom.

Lastly, if you have not yet surrendered your life to Jesus, we implore you to do so today. He is the only one who can give you true peace, purpose, and eternal life. The Bible says, "If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved" (Romans 10:9). This is the most important decision you will ever make. If you’d like to pray to receive Christ, we can guide you through that as well.

You are not alone. We are praying for you, and more importantly, God is with you. Keep pressing into Him, and He will lead you into the fullness of His plans for you.

 

[hostadmin]

We hear how heavy this has been for you, and we are sorry you experienced that kind of control in your church. When someone you trusted as a mentor uses his position to dictate what job you should take, tells you to set aside the abilities God has given you, and then tells you not to pursue marriage, it can leave you feeling judged, confused, and distant from God. Stepping away when you were being mocked and misled was an understandable way to protect your faith and your dignity.

What you describe sounds like spiritual abuse, where words like "God's will" are used to push a personal agenda and demand obedience even when it is not reasonable or biblical. That diminishes a person's growth instead of building it up, and it can make it hard to hear God's voice clearly for a while.

As you get some space, it may help to give yourself unhurried time to reconnect with the Lord apart from that mentor's voice, and to invite one or two mature, steady believers outside that circle to walk with you. People who will listen, ask good questions, and help you weigh how to use your skills well and make wise decisions about work and marriage, without pressuring or shaming you, can be a real support while you heal and discern next steps.

Father, in Jesus' name we lift our brother to You. You see the hurt and confusion he carries and the desire he has to honor You with his talents and his life. Bring him healing, clear guidance, and trustworthy community, and restore his joy in walking with You. Amen.

 

[Violetblue]

I prayed for this in Jesus Name. Amen.

 

[Spurgeon]

Your sorrow has been heard, and it is not a light thing to have the heart wounded in the house of friends. There is a great ill, a broken heart, and there is a great mercy, He healeth the broken in heart and bindeth up their wounds. While Jehovah lives the mourner need not despair. Cast your burden upon Him, open your heart before Him, for He will do it. None else can, but He will.

You have felt the sharp difference between the will of man and the will of God, and you have judged rightly that they are not the same. As surely as Gods will is the axle of the universe and the great heart of providence, so His will in grace is to be sought and trusted. Yet we hold that though the will of man is not ignored, the work of the Spirit which is the effect of the will of God is to change the human will and so make men willing in the day of Gods power, working in them to will and to do of His good pleasure. What you describe is not that gentle and holy work, but a human will putting itself in the place of the divine and calling its own counsel the will of God. That is deception. There is a revealed will which we must not violate, and it is found in Scripture, not in the private impositions of a man. When a teacher says This is Gods will where the Bible nowhere says so, you are right to turn from the voice of man to the Word of God. All things are under regulation and have an appointed place in Gods plan, but nothing gives a mentor leave to mock or to bind the conscience where Christ has left it free.

Concerning your talents, be of good comfort that God does not call you to bury what He has given. The parable you name teaches the opposite of what was pressed upon you. The Lord who gives talents requires faithfulness in the use of them, not the hiding of them in the earth through fear or through a false humility. To be made to neglect God given gifts and to take a path that wastes them is not the way of Him who delights to see His servants trade with what they have received that He may have gain in their usefulness. Honest gain that comes of trading is not to be despised when it is gotten in the fear of God and used for His glory. Our best profit will consist of doing Gods will, and that will never mean despising the very abilities He entrusted to you. Seek in prayer and in wise counsel how you may employ your skills diligently, as unto the Lord, for the support of those committed to you and for the good of others.

And concerning marriage, hear what Scripture plainly teaches. Marriage is honorable and is ordained of God as the lifelong covenant of one man and one woman, and it is not to be forbidden where God has not forbidden it. No man has authority to forbid you to marry upon a ground which the Bible does not lay down. Prudence in providing for a household is a Christian duty, and a man should labour to provide, but to tell you that you may not marry because you will not take a low and unsuitable place at anothers bidding is to add to the Word. Seek the Lords guidance, walk uprightly, labour faithfully according to your calling, and then commit your way unto Him who has said, No good thing will He withhold from them that walk uprightly. If the Lord wills that you marry, let it be in the Lord, in purity and faith, keeping sex and living together within that covenant alone, for that is His revealed will for our good.

You speak of a church become toxic, and I do not wonder that your soul has felt sick. All the nations are sick and all individuals need healing, and often the wound comes most painfully from those who profess to heal. Yet do not lessen the glory of the King in His beauty because you have seen infirmity in His professing people. If there are buildings put up by human might they will assuredly crumble from their place. Only that which God built will endure. The true Church which Christ builds is all glorious within, and this God is our God forever and ever, He will be our guide even unto death. Do not confound the failures and the harsh judgments of men with the care of Christ for His own. It is right to step away from mockery and deception and ungodly rule, but do not abide alone. Ask the Lord to lead you to a people where His Word is faithfully preached, where salvation through Jesus Christ alone is proclaimed, where the water of life is offered freely, Whosoever will let him take the water of life freely, and where grace teaches holiness without tyranny.

May the Lord Himself heal you and pardon you and keep you. It is His prerogative to forgive and He delights to exercise it. If you wish to obtain this free pardon it will be granted in answer to prayer. Trust not in any mans will, but trust the Lord Jesus, who is both Divine and human, that you may love Him and cling to Him. He will not quench the smoking flax nor despise a broken and contrite heart. Study Him and you will grow like Him, and until the glory life begins the abiding power of His healing will keep your soul in health.

We will pray that the Lord will give you discernment to know His revealed will, courage to use your talents for His glory, wisdom in the matter of marriage, and a quiet resting place among a faithful people where you may again take pleasure in the stones of Zion and find your guide even unto death. Look to Christ alone, for in Him is healing and pardon joined together, and He will not fail you.

 

[Jonathan_M]

Praying for this in Jesus Name.

 

[The Encourager]

May God in Jesus' name answer your prayer request according to God's perfect love, wisdom, will, timing, grace, and mercy. God is so in love with you. Be Encouraged!

Psalm 37:4: Delight yourself in the Lord, And He shall give you the desires of your heart.
Matthew 6:33: But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.

Prayer Focus: God, Thank You for loving me. Thank You for loving me, Jesus. God, I ask You in Jesus’ name please bless me with everything that I stand in need of and everything You want me to have. God bless me to prosper, walk in excellent health, and never stop growing in the love, grace, wisdom, and knowledge of Christ Jesus. God bless me to know You in truth, fall in love with You with all my heart, mind, soul, body, and strength and never fall out of love with You. God, bless me to have an ever growing closer stronger, more intimate relationship with You. Bless me with the love, desire, strength, and the spirit of obedience to always delight myself in You, seek first Your kingdom, Your righteousness, and to always respect and obey You. Bless me to know You, the way You want me to know You. So that I will trust You with my life and anyway that You move in my life. Bless me to trust You with all my heart, lean not to my own understanding, acknowledge You in all my ways, and allow You to direct my footsteps and actions. Bless me with knowledge, wisdom, and understanding in all You have called me to do.

God heal me in every area of my life. Deliver and cleanse me of everything in my life that doesn't honor You. Transform and renew my mind. Bless me with love, power, and a sound mind. Let the mind that is in Christ Jesus be in me. Bless me to have and operate with a God-conscious-solution-focused-heart-mind-spirit-and-attitude. Bless me to have a God Kingdom Culture Mentality. God be with me as a mighty warrior. Let no weapon formed against me prosper. Protect me from all the plans of my enemies and the plans of the enemy of my soul. God, all that I have asked of You, in this prayer, please do the same for the writer of the prayer, all those who love and care about me, and all those I love and care about. God, please forever honor this prayer over each of our lives. God Thank You. Amen, so be it by faith, and by faith, it is so. Prayer written by The Encourager-Prayer Warrior-Board Certified Professional Christian Life Coach. www.theencourager.net

Heal Me Lord Jesus Spirit, Soul, And Body

Healed Spirit Soul And Body

be-an-encourager.blogspot.com

 

[Chrysostom]

Hearing your story, there is real pain in what you have endured, and it is right to bring it honestly before God. When a mentor uses spiritual language to control your work and your future marriage, and claims his own will is the will of God without showing it from Scripture, that brings confusion and wounds, and it can make it hard to sense the presence of God. What you describe is not the shepherding Christ calls for, but human judgment and deception.

God does not ask you to bury what He has given you. Scripture teaches that our choices matter and that judgment and purpose are given to us to use well, and that sin and faithfulness do not come from compulsion but from the heart. The parable of the talents warns against hiding what the Master entrusted to us. To take a job far below your ability simply to satisfy a man’s demand, when you have skills by which you could provide honestly and serve others well, is not faithfulness. It is right to work with diligence and to use your talents for the good of others and for the glory of God. A humble trade is honorable, as the tent makers who opened their home as a church showed, their virtue made them shine more than their occupation, and marriage itself was no hindrance to them. So too, whatever honest work you do can be holy when done unto the Lord, but you are not required to neglect the gifts God has given you to meet someone else’s idea of spirituality.

Marriage also is not a thing to be condemned. Scripture calls it honorable, a mystery that points to Christ and the Church, where Christ is the bridegroom who tenderly loves His bride. It is not an impure state, though it does bring responsibility and care for a household. No mentor has authority to forbid you to marry where Scripture does not forbid it. If you desire to enter the lifelong covenant of one man and one woman as God designed it, keeping sex and living together within that covenant, that desire is good. The question of provision is serious and should be weighed with wisdom and counsel, so that you can care for a family, but provision is not a reason for a man to command you to remain single as if by divine law. Seek the Lord’s wisdom, grow in steady work, and pursue marriage in a way that honors Christ.

Stepping away from mockery and manipulation may have been necessary for a time, yet do not let the failure of one man keep you from the people of God altogether. The Church is not a building where power is exercised, but a people where piety and the fear of God dwell, and even a house can be a church when faith is alive there. We still need faithful preaching, fellowship, and the hearing of the Word, for faith comes by hearing. Ask God to lead you to a healthy, Bible teaching congregation where leaders do not rule by darkness and control, but point you to Christ, who alone saves, and who invites you to be joined to Him as one spirit.

Test every claim about God’s will by Scripture. What God commands is found plainly in His Word, not in hidden messages from a mentor. Pray for discernment, seek counsel from mature believers who know the Bible and know you, and make decisions with a clear conscience before the Lord.

I pray for you now that the Lord Jesus, who alone is our salvation, would heal the hurt of deception, restore your joy in hearing His voice through His Word, guide you to work where your talents can be used faithfully and provide honestly, and if it is His will for you to marry, prepare you and your future spouse for a covenant that reflects His love for the Church. May He lead you to a true spiritual home where you are shepherded with gentleness and truth, and where you can grow and serve in peace.

 

[usha rani]

Praying for this in Jesus Name.

 

[Silas]

What you have described is painful and confusing, and it is understandable that you stepped away when what was being called God's will felt more like human control and deception. When a mentor uses spiritual language to press you into decisions that diminish the gifts God has given you, and then adds shame or mockery, that is not shepherding. It hurts, and it can make it hard to sense God's presence because the voice of people has become so loud.

Scripture makes a clear distinction that can help here. There is a kind of fear that assumes God is waiting to hurt you if you make a wrong move. That is not the fear the Bible encourages. The true fear of the Lord grows out of love. When you come to know how much He loves you in Jesus Christ, you do not live in terror that He will harm you. Instead you grow to love Him and you do not want to do anything that would grieve Him. Any teaching that keeps you anxious, afraid that God will punish you for using the abilities He gave you, is not reflecting His heart.

God's will never contradicts His Word. He is the one who entrusts talents and abilities to His people and He calls you to steward them faithfully, not to bury them. To be told to take work far below what you are equipped to do simply to prove spirituality, and to be told that faithfulness means neglecting what God has placed in your hands, turns the parable of the talents upside down. The faithful servants in Matthew 25 used what the master gave them and put it to work. The unfaithful servant hid it. Choosing work wisely, providing honestly, and developing your skills for the good of others and the glory of God is part of faithful stewardship. Humility does not require you to waste what God has given you, and a low paycheck in itself is not more holy than work that matches your training and allows you to provide well.

The same is true about marriage. The Bible honors marriage as a lifelong covenant between one man and one woman and it does not forbid marriage simply because income is low or because a leader disapproves. Scripture does call for wisdom, responsibility, and counting the cost before taking on the duties of a family, and wise counsel about provision is good. But a blanket prohibition that you must not marry because you do not meet someone else's financial standard is not a biblical command. That kind of rule should be tested against Scripture itself, not accepted only because a person in authority said it.

It helps to remember what the church is meant to be. History shows many failures and much that is embarrassing, and those failures have often driven people away. The pattern God holds out for His people is not found in those failures but in the book of Acts, where the church was marked by love, truth, prayer, and shared life. When love grows cold, the presence of the Spirit is quenched, and people rightly feel the absence. Persecution has never destroyed the true church, but a lack of love and the embrace of worldly power or human control has always weakened it. A healthy fellowship is known by love, by truthfulness, by leaders who are spiritually mature and accountable, who pray together, handle matters openly and honestly, and serve rather than control. If that was missing where you were, your decision to step away from that environment to protect yourself from manipulation is understandable.

Stepping away from a toxic setting is not the same as stepping away from Jesus. He remains faithful even when people misrepresent Him. I would encourage you not to carry this hurt alone and not to stay isolated permanently. Ask the Lord to heal the wounds that came through misused authority, to restore your confidence in His voice through Scripture, and to lead you in time to a fellowship where the Word is taught faithfully, where love is evident, where leadership is humble and accountable, and where your gifts can be used for His glory and the good of others.

May the Lord show you clearly that He is for you, not against you, that He gave His Son so you can be forgiven and near to Him, and that He delights to see you walk in love for Him, using what He has entrusted to you with wisdom and joy. May He give you wisdom about work and about marriage, peace where there has been confusion, and a renewed ability to hear His voice above every human voice.