kupkake
Disciple of Prayer
Thank you! I totally believe in prayer and years ago felt the holy spirit. I've just felt so beaten down the last 10 years and I can't do it anymore. I've always been a hard worker and have gotten promoted at jobs. This current job, although I love it, does not pay fairly. Everyone complains about it. So I started my own business. I not only work for a company coordinating weddings, I started doing it outside the company b/c I can ask for more $ and deliver the service that I enjoy! I also design handbags. So I am extremely busy. I had a couple of meltdowns this last year b/c although I am a positive person, I can't take anymore. I just feel like I push, work, work, work and I get a crumb here and a crumb there. People who work with me say I'm too good for the company. People literally stop me to ask me where I got my handbag (the ones I design), and I have sold at Disneyland Htl, Queen Mary and other stores, but only a few. I got mad at God and cried my eyes out a few times "I have worked so hard, tried so hard, had faith MORE than the size of a mustard seed, pushed myself out of my comfort zone, even when I was down I praised you to people who felt you didn't care anymore, I've taken chances and have tried to better myself for YEARS and never blamed you. I opened my arms to a step-daughter who my husband "just found out about at 15 yrs old" (he lied). To have the narcissistic husband (divorced) turn her against me, her and I were very close…I never heard from her again and I didn't deserve it. BUT! I didn't give up, I rolled up my sleeves and set out on my own, but have lived in dumps with alcoholics since then, from roommate to roommate. Everyone says I don't deserve it, that I'm too good for this...and I'm sick of it! I told God that all he does is toss me crumbs from the people that are put in my life, to the opportunities that I grabbed and lost. All my hard work for years and I have NOTHING to show for it. Not even a home. I love to cook, but don't have a decent kitchen, I love pets but have not been able to have any in the rentals I'm in. It's depressing and it's gone on TOO long. I just keep working hard and I can't break this vicious cycle! I NEVER wanted to move in with a boyfriend but I had to to get away from a horrible roommate. That "temporary" arrangement has turned into 2.5 years. I love him, but he is not ambitious and does nothing to further himself so it's very hard to see this every day, and I deserve better. I want to move out, but it's so expensive to be on my own. You would think with everything I'm doing and trying to do I would be somewhere by now. I'm just exhausted and need a financial blessing, and for God to bless my projects. I keep praying that ANY and ALL barriers be broken down for me so I can move forward. I'm discouraged and exhausted. I can't do it anymore. If I get more weddings, and get buyers for my bags, and some financial help I could break this cycle! I cannot do more than I'm doing, and I'm getting angry, discouraged and bitter. It's been 10 years!
