Myralotos
Disciple of Prayer
My name is Tonya. I'm a 41 yr old single mother to a wonderfully bright, talented, gifted, perfect blessing of love from almighty God Himself 15 yr old daughter, Taliyah. Her dad lives in Jamaica. We got married because I felt, having his child, it was what was proper and would be right in the eyes of the Lord. He lied to me about everything. I found out he had 2 sons but told me only 1. He said the mother was pregnant but impossible to be his. I would've welcomed 100 children, I love all children, all people. I'm am empath by nature and feel very deeply for all of my brothers and sisters and I do not see myself as I fervor or superior to anyone. We are all His children and we are all from dust! I try very hard to do the right thing, according to His word, but of course, I am a sinner and imperfect. My mother raised me to always feel as though if I thought about my own feelings, even for a moment, or felt as though I was not happy with my life, that I should feel ashamed amd pray for forgiveness for being so selfish. She is a narcissist and although it took me many years to realize it, she is extremely jealous of me and she singlehandedly attempts to destroy any and every relationship I have that places anyone above her and if I should accomplish something, she tries to ruin it for me. It's as though she can't stand to see me living a good and abundant life because she isn't. She is actively cursing my name, my relationship with my daughter, praying to God I will end up in hospital (which, obviously I know He will not answer such evil requests) but I know she is much cause for my downfall over the last 4 years. My ex husband and father to my only daughter I found out, is into witchcraft. His family paid another family in Jamaica (obeah workers) to set me up and to actually go ahead and put curses on everything from my health, to my appearance, to my finances. The last 4 years, after finding I had gone to stay with another Jamaican man, who I believed loved me and I loved him, found out he is the one the family paid to bring me to destruction. I would fall asleep on video call every single night for 2 straight Years with this man... I started to have terrible feelings after about 11/2 years... evil feelings and he would say things that didn't coincide with what I knew to be the true word of almighty God. For example...I'm sorry and ashamed to admit this but feel it necessary so that whomever is called upon to read this, might be able to almost fully comprehend the magnitude of what I am dealing with here and help with prayer to bring some kind of restoration and resolution to my suffering and lack. He would ask me to masturbate for and with him on calls, I wasn't comfortable with this at first but he explained how he needed to touch me and vice versa (we were due to be married in a few months) and that it would help to keep him from seeking pleasure elsewhere. That I shouldn't refuse to please my husband to be... I fell for every smooth talking lie he told me to my shame and disgrace... I had no idea masturbation is actually considered to be satanic and that these Satanists will ultimately use or perform the act in order to bring about certain demons and demonic activities...omgoodness smh. It was only when he asked me, once after we did so...to read my Bible afterwards...I told him "Thats not right, I actually do not want to participate in these sexual acts with you anymore ... if you can't understand that I am feeling convicted by the Lord Jesus for doing this with you before we are even married and still dealing with my ex husband, then you are not truly a child of God." He said "God wouldn't have any problem with us doing that to please one another so long as you really are going to marry me." Right then, I knew, without any doubt that he was absolutely not a Christian in any way. God is not okay with any form of sexual fornication or adultery. Whether the two people intend to wed some day in the future or not, fact is, if you are a married woman, not divorced, any man who has sex with her is also guilty of adultery. I also know it isn't correct to remarry unless you are separated because of death. I began to record our video calls with another device and to my shock and dismay, anybody can see the unbelievably massive level of darkness that surrounds me in my room during these calls. Most of these recordings I am completely out of it...as in, I appear totally under the influence of drugs or alcohol or.both and although I have suffered from addiction related problems, I ha e never taken drugs that make me lose my senses and make me slur my speech or black out...this was something far greater, more Powe and far different from any drunken or drug induced stupor and I am very concerned with what I opened myself up to unwittingly for such a long period of time...and what's more, what type of ungodly soul ties, pacts, vows, or covenants could I have participated in but don't have any recollection of? Also, I was at my most vulnerable state..
I also had my child.in bed with me several nights out of this period of time
..and don't know what she may of been subjected to as well...and I'm so ashamed of my ignorance and lack of knowledge or any kind of self control... he mixed in the Bible...always talking about me being a virtuous woman and saying things like "You are not like those other women who jump from man to man...he would speak of jezebelle and other demonic things and gossip on others. This guy was ultimately being paid by my ex I came to understand and now, for 4 years I have had to go from hotel to shelter to street and back as if I am a hamster on a wheel going in circles...we have been homeless for 4 straight years and counting...I can't seem to keep my head above water with my finances, I'm always broke. Not just broke but severely ...I can't even feed myself most days. I manage to provide just enough to see that she eats but we have no place to.live and every single place we apply for, rejected. My mother, sister, dad...everyone has betrayed me in some way or another. Rendering me completely and utterly alone. Nobody cares about me, about us. My mom is there for my sister and her 5 children but never there for me.and mine. She has told me.outright she hates me and that I am the biggest mistake she has ever made. My sister robbed me for over $3500 even after I always give and give to help her. She and my mom are addicted to methamphetamine, cocaine and anything else they can take to make them escape reality... they constantly stir up trouble for me with everybody, for no real reason and they use me and abuse me and then toss me.out to the curb. My sister is homeless as well same length of time as me. My mother was the one who called immigration on my husband when our daughter was just 4 weeks old. That got him sent back to Jamaica because he was actually here on a work visa that expired. He was to return home but stayed illegally. She did it on purpose and I feel like the curse has been placed on all.of us because my mother is equally hated as I am amd my sister. My mother is in a same sex relationship...something she raised us was a no no! She always said that homosexuality is a sin and that although it is, we were not to hate anyone who is gay but rather, take.the matter to Jesus in prayer for any individual who is gay and never to outright judge another for being any kind of way, we are no better than anyone in the eyes of God, sin is sin...no sin greater than another. We humans see one sin as greater but in God's eyes, sin is sin
..equally evil. I understand that to the fullest and believe that to be the one thing she taught us that made sense. Anyway, as you can see here, there is a great deal of nonsense I am dealing with and dealing with it alone nonetheless (I know Jesus is there because if He wasn't, I would've surely taken my life). My dad hasn't been a good dad ever...if we spent time together, was always me making the effort but he actually did something a few years ago that is proving to be something I'm finding difficult to forgive and don't want unforgiveness or resentment in my heart...when my daughter and I first found ourselves without home...we were in an abused woman's shelter. I reached out to my dad and asked if we could stay with him for a little. I would pay he and his gf rent. He was silent. I knew it was a "No". A few years following that call...I got a call from my aunt, his sister asking if my dad gave me any money. I didn't know what she meant. She explained that, around the time I had contacted him for a place to stay, his uncle had passed away, leaving him with a $300,000.00 inheritance. She explained that she told him to make sure to give me some money. He never even told me about any money and he knew the dire situation I was in. I'm his only biological child. But what's even worse is that she explained how he not only paid for his gfs mortgage to be paid in full $96,000.00, he also gave her son Chad a down-payment for his 1st home. So you see, it's all so unbelievably heartbreaking and cruel to say the least. I wish I wasn't bothered so much by it. I wish I had my stuff together, a career and everything at my age I should have. My mom kept me home from school much of my life because she wanted a bestie. I took care of her and my sister and so much so, I never did anything for myself.or my future. She never explained how important and crucial having good credit is and she certainly never told me to tend to my own needs, if I did at all, I was told it was sinful to be so selfish. So now...at 41, and with all that has happened...I want so desperately to be able to get myself and my life together. My daughter needs and deserved stability. I can't provide her that...I never ever asked anyone ever for a dime...I always provided no matter how difficult at times, I always had just enough to be able to care properly for my daughter and myself and bulld were paid and we were okay. Now, I can't get anything to work. Anytime I feel like a breakthrough is coming (I'm a hopeless dreamer but ever faithful in the Lord that today must finally be the day we are out of the season of poverty...but every time it seems to come crashing down around me as if taunting me. My teeth have always been beautiful bit the last 2 years they're rotting and I quit smoking 2 years ago so nothing is making sense. If anyone who is led to read this and does, can offer any help on terms of a place that deals in deliverance or anything that might help get me out of this cycle...please, please don't hesitate to lmk. I am willing to try anything at this point. Thanks in advance to everyone who stops to say a prayer for us... I know God is going to bless you immensely and intensely for your kindness... thanks for holding us up when we are so far down. Thank you and bless you all my brothers and sisters in Christ...amen I have attached a few photos of myself with my daughter so you all know who you are praying for... thanks again.
I also had my child.in bed with me several nights out of this period of time
..and don't know what she may of been subjected to as well...and I'm so ashamed of my ignorance and lack of knowledge or any kind of self control... he mixed in the Bible...always talking about me being a virtuous woman and saying things like "You are not like those other women who jump from man to man...he would speak of jezebelle and other demonic things and gossip on others. This guy was ultimately being paid by my ex I came to understand and now, for 4 years I have had to go from hotel to shelter to street and back as if I am a hamster on a wheel going in circles...we have been homeless for 4 straight years and counting...I can't seem to keep my head above water with my finances, I'm always broke. Not just broke but severely ...I can't even feed myself most days. I manage to provide just enough to see that she eats but we have no place to.live and every single place we apply for, rejected. My mother, sister, dad...everyone has betrayed me in some way or another. Rendering me completely and utterly alone. Nobody cares about me, about us. My mom is there for my sister and her 5 children but never there for me.and mine. She has told me.outright she hates me and that I am the biggest mistake she has ever made. My sister robbed me for over $3500 even after I always give and give to help her. She and my mom are addicted to methamphetamine, cocaine and anything else they can take to make them escape reality... they constantly stir up trouble for me with everybody, for no real reason and they use me and abuse me and then toss me.out to the curb. My sister is homeless as well same length of time as me. My mother was the one who called immigration on my husband when our daughter was just 4 weeks old. That got him sent back to Jamaica because he was actually here on a work visa that expired. He was to return home but stayed illegally. She did it on purpose and I feel like the curse has been placed on all.of us because my mother is equally hated as I am amd my sister. My mother is in a same sex relationship...something she raised us was a no no! She always said that homosexuality is a sin and that although it is, we were not to hate anyone who is gay but rather, take.the matter to Jesus in prayer for any individual who is gay and never to outright judge another for being any kind of way, we are no better than anyone in the eyes of God, sin is sin...no sin greater than another. We humans see one sin as greater but in God's eyes, sin is sin
..equally evil. I understand that to the fullest and believe that to be the one thing she taught us that made sense. Anyway, as you can see here, there is a great deal of nonsense I am dealing with and dealing with it alone nonetheless (I know Jesus is there because if He wasn't, I would've surely taken my life). My dad hasn't been a good dad ever...if we spent time together, was always me making the effort but he actually did something a few years ago that is proving to be something I'm finding difficult to forgive and don't want unforgiveness or resentment in my heart...when my daughter and I first found ourselves without home...we were in an abused woman's shelter. I reached out to my dad and asked if we could stay with him for a little. I would pay he and his gf rent. He was silent. I knew it was a "No". A few years following that call...I got a call from my aunt, his sister asking if my dad gave me any money. I didn't know what she meant. She explained that, around the time I had contacted him for a place to stay, his uncle had passed away, leaving him with a $300,000.00 inheritance. She explained that she told him to make sure to give me some money. He never even told me about any money and he knew the dire situation I was in. I'm his only biological child. But what's even worse is that she explained how he not only paid for his gfs mortgage to be paid in full $96,000.00, he also gave her son Chad a down-payment for his 1st home. So you see, it's all so unbelievably heartbreaking and cruel to say the least. I wish I wasn't bothered so much by it. I wish I had my stuff together, a career and everything at my age I should have. My mom kept me home from school much of my life because she wanted a bestie. I took care of her and my sister and so much so, I never did anything for myself.or my future. She never explained how important and crucial having good credit is and she certainly never told me to tend to my own needs, if I did at all, I was told it was sinful to be so selfish. So now...at 41, and with all that has happened...I want so desperately to be able to get myself and my life together. My daughter needs and deserved stability. I can't provide her that...I never ever asked anyone ever for a dime...I always provided no matter how difficult at times, I always had just enough to be able to care properly for my daughter and myself and bulld were paid and we were okay. Now, I can't get anything to work. Anytime I feel like a breakthrough is coming (I'm a hopeless dreamer but ever faithful in the Lord that today must finally be the day we are out of the season of poverty...but every time it seems to come crashing down around me as if taunting me. My teeth have always been beautiful bit the last 2 years they're rotting and I quit smoking 2 years ago so nothing is making sense. If anyone who is led to read this and does, can offer any help on terms of a place that deals in deliverance or anything that might help get me out of this cycle...please, please don't hesitate to lmk. I am willing to try anything at this point. Thanks in advance to everyone who stops to say a prayer for us... I know God is going to bless you immensely and intensely for your kindness... thanks for holding us up when we are so far down. Thank you and bless you all my brothers and sisters in Christ...amen I have attached a few photos of myself with my daughter so you all know who you are praying for... thanks again.
