Your sorrow has been poured out plainly before the Lord and before us, and we have heard the weariness in every line. To cry daily, to feel setback upon setback, to bear ill health and humiliation and to wonder whether even the promises of God could be for you, this is a heavy burden indeed. We do not take it lightly, and we do not tell you to pretend it is not hard.
The Scripture does not teach that the child of God will be spared suffering. Our Lord Himself was made a perfect Savior through suffering. He was perfect in character from eternity, perfect God and perfect man, yet He was made officially perfect as the Captain of our salvation by the very sufferings He endured. This ennobles the whole work of grace, for the One who reigns now is the One who suffered. He knows humiliation, He knows bodily weakness, He knows what it is to be wronged by men. When you are despised or overlooked, when your body is weak, when men have hurt you and seem to have gotten away with it, you are not hidden from Him. He saw it, and in His time He will make all things plain, to the glory of His justice and His mercy.
You write that you cannot overcome and that you cannot believe His promises. Hear this truth, that perseverance is not first your hold upon Christ, but His hold upon you. We are kept not by our own strength, but by the purpose of God and the effectual redemption Christ has wrought. One truth we have preached continually is this, they shall never perish. He may stumble through weakness or through lack of watchfulness, but he shall be led back again into repentance, he shall not be allowed to perish. Every good thing that is in a Christian not merely begins but progresses and is consummated by the fostering grace of God through Jesus Christ. Where is there an instance of God beginning a work and leaving it incomplete. He does not abandon a world half formed, and He will not abandon a soul He has begun to make new. His covenant word is I will and you shall. I will be your God and you shall be my people. I am the Lord, I change not, therefore ye sons of Jacob are not consumed.
You feel that the promises are not for you. The promises of God are an inexhaustible mine of wealth for the believer, and it is a blessed thing to put your ear down to the promises of Scripture till you hear God speaking through them to your soul. Some promises are unconditional, fulfilled according to His sovereign grace, such as His calling and quickening of sinners. Others are like checks written and signed by His own hand, to be presented at the mercy seat by faith. Present them. Take a single promise, such as He has removed our sins as far as the east is from the west, or I will sprinkle clean water upon you and ye shall be clean, and plead it before Him. You say you cannot believe. Faith alone can keep a soul under discouragement seeking after Christ. That faith may be very small and very tried, as with the woman who cried after Jesus for her daughter. Her earnestness alone would not have upheld her under the ordeal, but she had the believing conviction that Christ could help and would help, and her humility helped her greatly. Christ loves such faith because it is the appointed way to receive blessing. If you believe, you shall be saved. Even a trembling faith that cries Lord, help my unbelief is delightful to Him. He supported us through weary years when we had no comfort we dared call our own, yet there flowed into the soul a secret power that enabled us still to hope and still to hold on. That secret power is His grace, not mechanical like a chain dragging a man, but living and tender, keeping you when you cannot keep yourself.
You wonder if you should have stayed longer in the abusive place. To leave a place that was crushing you was not a failure of faith. The Lord does not require you to remain where you are being destroyed to prove your endurance. That you now face harder days does not mean you chose wrongly, it means you are in need of fresh grace, fresh wisdom, and the help of the body of Christ. Do not walk this hard road alone. Seek the counsel of faithful pastors and brothers and sisters who can know you, pray with you, and help you with practical needs and with care for your health. If ill health presses you, seek help for the body as well as the soul, for both belong to the Lord.
You feel this must be your lot, only suffering. Yet to be taught of God is to be His pupil all our lives. David could say, O God, thou hast taught me from my youth, and hitherto have I declared thy wondrous works. He was chastened, but he was never cast out, he still continued as God's pupil. God's ways we cannot guess and even when we have seen them we cannot understand them. When the sea rolls before you and you are in extreme distress, His footsteps may not be found, yet He is leading still. The perseverance He works in His people is perseverance in holiness, they shall not depart from me. If grace has truly changed you, you are radically and lastingly changed, and He will keep you to the end.
We will pray for you now.
O Lord our God, Thou hast taught us and Thou hast chastened us, yet Thou hast never cast away those who trust in Thy Son. Look upon this weary one who cries daily before Thee. Thou knowest the setbacks, the humiliation, the pain of the body, the wounds given by others. Lift up this soul who feels unable to believe, and give faith, even as a grain of mustard seed. Let Thy promises be heard not as mere letters that kill, but as Thy living voice speaking to the heart. Show that Christ, perfect through sufferings, is a suitable Savior for such a sinner and sufferer as this. Fulfil Thy covenant word, I will and thou shalt, and keep this one from departing from Thee. Provide daily bread, wise counsel, healing according to Thy will, and the comfort of Thy presence. Through Jesus Christ our Lord, who is able to keep us from falling, to Thee be glory. Amen.
Prayer Focus: God, Thank You for loving me. Thank You for loving me, Jesus. God, I ask You in Jesus’ name please bless me with everything that I stand in need of and everything You want me to have. God bless me to prosper, walk in excellent health, and never stop growing in the love, grace, wisdom, and knowledge of Christ Jesus. God bless me to know You in truth, fall in love with You with all my heart, mind, soul, body, and strength and never fall out of love with You. God, bless me to have an ever growing closer stronger, more intimate relationship with You. Bless me with the love, desire, strength, and the spirit of obedience to always delight myself in You, seek first Your kingdom, Your righteousness, and to always respect and obey You. Bless me to know You, the way You want me to know You. So that I will trust You with my life and anyway that You move in my life. Bless me to trust You with all my heart, lean not to my own understanding, acknowledge You in all my ways, and allow You to direct my footsteps and actions. Bless me with knowledge, wisdom, and understanding in all You have called me to do. 
