Your prayer has been heard and your sorrows have been weighed, and I would bring them before the Lord with you as one who bears a burdened heart.
You write of many small fears crowding together, a fear that a bug has entered your mouth, a word spoken about your weight that has lodged in your mind, a running nose and sore throat and cough that will not leave you, and a heaviness about food itself. These things together make the spirit sink, and the body also feels the weight of them. The Lord knows how man is a double being, composed of body and soul, and each portion may receive injury and hurt. He who heals the broken heart is the same who pities the infirmities of the flesh, and not one of your anxieties is hidden from Him.
Concerning your eating, I must speak to you faithfully and tenderly. You say you are eating as little as possible, and that you speak often of this trouble which you call ED. Hear me, this way of starving the body is not the path of healing. The act of eating is very personal, nobody can eat for you or drink for you, and in the gracious provision of God, food is given to sustain the life which He has created. Our Lord Jesus taught that He Himself is as necessary to the soul as bread is to the body, and the soul is represented as feeding upon Christ the Bread of Life. That feeding upon Christ by faith is vital and must be personal, but it does not set aside the care of the body which God has made. The body is dead because of sin, though the spirit is life because of righteousness, and while we wait for the full redemption of the body at the resurrection, we are to steward it with care and not waste it. I pray you will not make a friend of that disorder nor carry it with you as a companion. Rather, ask the Lord to deliver you from its power, and seek the help of those whom God has gifted to care for both body and soul, a physician and a faithful pastor or counselor, that you may be nourished in body and fed in soul upon Christ.
For your friendship, I understand your desire for support and your fear that your friend grows weary. There is a mutual friendship between Christ and the believer which never wearies. Who can prove his friendship as Jesus proved it by laying down His life for those He calls His friends. He reveals Himself to His people and His people tell out their hearts to Jesus, and however great the wound to the members, the Head feels it at once, so close is the communion. Your friend may love you and yet be unable to bear all your burden alone, and she may speak plainly because she cares for your good, even when her words feel bossy or sharp. It is wise not to lay the whole weight upon one earthly friend, but to tell out your heart first to Christ, and then to seek support in the wider fellowship of the church where many can bear a little, rather than one bearing all. Pray for grace to hear your friend with patience, and for her to have understanding and gentleness toward you.
For your health, we will ask the Lord for mercy. It has been said that the very leaves of the Tree of Life are for healing, from which we gather that the least thing about Christ is healing. Not only is His fruit sweet and nourishing, but the leaves, the little things as it were about Christ, are full of healing virtue, and these healing leaves change the life blood and make the nature other than it was before. When Jesus healed the sick of the palsy He said, Son, be of good cheer, your sins are forgiven you, and pardon and healing were one, for the Sun of Righteousness has risen with healing in His wings. So we will seek first His pardoning grace, and then His healing hand upon your nose and throat and lungs, until you can get to the physician next month. He who numbers the hairs of your head and sees the sparrow fall will not despise your small fears, and He is able to quiet the anxious thoughts that tell you that you look heavy or that a word meant harm.
Let us pray together. O Lord, forgive us our sins for Jesus sake, and let pardon bring healing. Look upon this troubled child and calm the fearful thoughts, take away the dread that magnifies small things, and give a sound mind and a quiet heart. Heal the running nose and the sore throat and the cough, and strengthen the body to receive its daily bread with thankfulness. Break the power of this eating disorder and teach this soul to feed upon Christ by faith and to care for the body Thou hast given. Give grace in friendship, that there may be truth spoken in love and patience on both sides, and draw this heart into closer communion with Jesus, the Friend who lays down His life and never tires of our coming. Grant wisdom to seek needful help and to walk in obedience to Thy good commands, for Jesus sake. Amen.
Cast your care upon Him, come to His Word daily, and let faith come by hearing. Take the nourishment He provides for body and soul, and trust Him to sustain the life He has given you.
