Silas
Beloved of All
What you are feeling right now is the raw ache of a heart that has placed too much weight on the things of this earth, on a friendship, on what someone’s mother thinks of you, on your body, your finances, and your safety. None of that is surprising; it is exactly what happens when we forget that we are living in a tent that is returning to dust. The same dusty elements that make up your body are going to dissolve back into the ground one day, and when your spirit leaves, that is what this body will do. That is not a tragedy; it is a promise that a far superior dwelling is coming. Your real life is not the one you are so desperately trying to preserve behind the wheel of a car or inside a number on a scale.
Your fear has become a kind of idol, and the kind of fear that consumes you right now is a tormenting thing, not the holy fear that is the beginning of wisdom. The true fear of the Lord is to hate evil, to hate the anxiety, the bitterness, and the emotional manipulation that rises up when you feel rejected. It is the first step and the sum total of real knowledge. You are asking God to fix a dozen outward circumstances, but He is more interested in setting you free from the bondage of needing things to be a certain way. You have received the Spirit of adoption, not a spirit of bondage that makes you crouch in terror again. You can cry out, “Abba, Father,” and rest in the fact that He is not waiting to hurt you. The fear that really matters now is the fear that you might hurt Him by refusing to trust His goodness.
All of these physical worries, the belly rolls, the missing ponytail, the medical tests, are groans of a creation that is itself in bondage to decay. Your present body was made for this earth, of the earth, and it is plagued by appetites and fears that war against the Spirit. That is why you are not supposed to let it rule you. Through the Spirit, you put to death the demands of the body, the insatiable need to control your appearance, and the panic over lost wigs. If Christ is in you, the body is dead because of sin, but the Spirit is life because of righteousness. The day is coming when you will be changed in a moment, fashioned into a glorious body like His, with no bad fat and no tears. Until then, do not let the tyranny of the mirror drown out the promise of your true body from heaven.
Look at the friendship that is causing you so much pain. You are drinking emotional water that does not satisfy, and it is left you feeling emptier and more frantic than before. Emotional experiences, no matter how intense, cannot bear the weight of your soul. The whole amusement park of human relationships will eventually be burned up. That is not a reason to despise people, but it is a reason to stop expecting them to be your savior. Your friend and her mother are earthy vessels just like you, and their approval or rejection cannot define your worth. Honor Christ by loving them without clutching at them. If one member of the body suffers, we all suffer, so bring this hurt to trusted believers and let them bear it with you, but do not let the fear of their disapproval turn into an obsession.
As for your finances and your driving, the merchants of this world will one day stand far off and see the whole commercial system destroyed in a single hour. You are worried about budgeting for a fair, and God knows you need these things, but He is not confused by your balance. He wants you to honor Him with the firstfruits of whatever you have, to depart from the evil of panic, and then to find health for your flesh and marrow for your bones in His peace. When you get into that car, you are not safer by your frantic prayers about the driver’s texting; you are safe in the hands of the One who numbers your days and promises that not even a hair perishes apart from His will. Ask for wisdom, speak the truth in love about the dangerous driving, and then trust the Father who clothes the grass of the field.
Your prayer list is long because you are trying to manage a thousand details that belong to God. You cannot make the bras arrive at the right address by the sheer force of worry, and you cannot force your mother to stop being hard on you. But you can hate the evil of anxiety itself. You were not given a spirit of fear again, but of power, love, and a sound mind. The new body that Jesus is preparing for you will never strive against you like this one does, and in that kingdom there will be an abundance for everyone, with no one enslaved to debt or panic. Let that hope sustain you right now, not the endless attempt to get everyone to like you and everything to go smoothly. Mortify the deeds of this fretful flesh, and let the peace of God rule in your heart. You are safe in Him, even when everything around you trembles.
Your fear has become a kind of idol, and the kind of fear that consumes you right now is a tormenting thing, not the holy fear that is the beginning of wisdom. The true fear of the Lord is to hate evil, to hate the anxiety, the bitterness, and the emotional manipulation that rises up when you feel rejected. It is the first step and the sum total of real knowledge. You are asking God to fix a dozen outward circumstances, but He is more interested in setting you free from the bondage of needing things to be a certain way. You have received the Spirit of adoption, not a spirit of bondage that makes you crouch in terror again. You can cry out, “Abba, Father,” and rest in the fact that He is not waiting to hurt you. The fear that really matters now is the fear that you might hurt Him by refusing to trust His goodness.
All of these physical worries, the belly rolls, the missing ponytail, the medical tests, are groans of a creation that is itself in bondage to decay. Your present body was made for this earth, of the earth, and it is plagued by appetites and fears that war against the Spirit. That is why you are not supposed to let it rule you. Through the Spirit, you put to death the demands of the body, the insatiable need to control your appearance, and the panic over lost wigs. If Christ is in you, the body is dead because of sin, but the Spirit is life because of righteousness. The day is coming when you will be changed in a moment, fashioned into a glorious body like His, with no bad fat and no tears. Until then, do not let the tyranny of the mirror drown out the promise of your true body from heaven.
Look at the friendship that is causing you so much pain. You are drinking emotional water that does not satisfy, and it is left you feeling emptier and more frantic than before. Emotional experiences, no matter how intense, cannot bear the weight of your soul. The whole amusement park of human relationships will eventually be burned up. That is not a reason to despise people, but it is a reason to stop expecting them to be your savior. Your friend and her mother are earthy vessels just like you, and their approval or rejection cannot define your worth. Honor Christ by loving them without clutching at them. If one member of the body suffers, we all suffer, so bring this hurt to trusted believers and let them bear it with you, but do not let the fear of their disapproval turn into an obsession.
As for your finances and your driving, the merchants of this world will one day stand far off and see the whole commercial system destroyed in a single hour. You are worried about budgeting for a fair, and God knows you need these things, but He is not confused by your balance. He wants you to honor Him with the firstfruits of whatever you have, to depart from the evil of panic, and then to find health for your flesh and marrow for your bones in His peace. When you get into that car, you are not safer by your frantic prayers about the driver’s texting; you are safe in the hands of the One who numbers your days and promises that not even a hair perishes apart from His will. Ask for wisdom, speak the truth in love about the dangerous driving, and then trust the Father who clothes the grass of the field.
Your prayer list is long because you are trying to manage a thousand details that belong to God. You cannot make the bras arrive at the right address by the sheer force of worry, and you cannot force your mother to stop being hard on you. But you can hate the evil of anxiety itself. You were not given a spirit of fear again, but of power, love, and a sound mind. The new body that Jesus is preparing for you will never strive against you like this one does, and in that kingdom there will be an abundance for everyone, with no one enslaved to debt or panic. Let that hope sustain you right now, not the endless attempt to get everyone to like you and everything to go smoothly. Mortify the deeds of this fretful flesh, and let the peace of God rule in your heart. You are safe in Him, even when everything around you trembles.
