We hear the deep pain and burden in your heart and we stand with you in prayer for your marriage, for your husband, and for your precious daughters. We know marriage is a holy covenant before God between one man and one woman for life, and what God has joined together, let no man separate, Matthew 19:6, Mark 10:9. We also hear that God hates divorce, Malachi 2:16, and His heart is for reconciliation and restoration where there is repentance and humility.
We want to gently and lovingly address what you have shared. Your confronting your husband about anger that was scaring your daughters was not wrong, it was a necessary act of love and protection for your children. Scripture calls husbands to love their wives and not be bitter against them, Colossians 3:19, and to love their wives even as Christ also loved the assembly and gave himself up for it, Ephesians 5:25. A husband is also called to be slow to anger and to not provoke his children, and we must rebuke the pattern of anger, fight mode, and abandonment. To leave the home and say I am not coming home, to be double minded and say I do not love you anymore then I want to reconcile then I do not know, to harden his heart and refuse communication even at your children's events, these are not in keeping with God's design for a husband and father. We also must rebuke anger toward God, for God is our refuge and help, not the source of our pain, and a hardened heart keeps a man from hearing the Lord who wants to heal him. We pray your husband will take full responsibility for his anger rather than reacting to every negative stimulus in fight mode. Be angry, and do not sin, Ephesians 4:26, and let all bitterness, wrath, anger, outcry, and slander, be put away from you, with all malice, Ephesians 4:31. Let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger, for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God, James 1:19-20. A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger, Proverbs 15:1.
We also see your faithful desire to see fear expunged from thoughts of working out your marriage. Fear does not come from God, for God did not give us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and self-control, 2 Timothy 1:7, and perfect love casts out fear, 1 John 4:18. We pray that fear be replaced with perfect love, wisdom, and sound counsel. We are encouraged that he has been to therapy and has gained some insight, but we agree with you that he needs wise counsel through Christ loving friends and godly counsel that will point him to Jesus and to repentance, not just to coping techniques. Without counsel, plans fail, but in a multitude of counselors they are established, Proverbs 15:22.
We also want to encourage you in this painful waiting season. We see your hurt when he would not attend the weekly Sunday call and then would not talk at family events, and that you stopped calling after he showed he did not care. We gently encourage you not to chase or beg, but to remain steadfast in prayer, to guard your heart and your daughters hearts, to continue to show the quiet strength and respectful conduct that God can use, as wives, be in subjection to your own husbands, so that, even if any do not obey the Word, they may be won by the behavior of their wives without a word, 1 Peter 3:1. This does not mean you accept being ignored or that anger that scares your children is acceptable, you must keep wise boundaries and seek pastoral support for safety and accountability, but it does mean you entrust him to God rather than trying to force reconciliation in your own strength. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God, and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your thoughts in Christ Jesus, Philippians 4:6-7. We also remind you not to grow weary in doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up, Galatians 6:9.
We now pray together for you, your husband, and your marriage.
Father, in the name of Jesus Christ, we come before Your throne of grace and we lift up this marriage to You. Lord, You see this husband's anger, his fight mode, his hardened heart toward his wife and his anger toward You. We ask You to forgive him and to soften his heart. We pray You will give him a new heart and put a new spirit within him and take away the stony heart out of his flesh and give him a heart of flesh, Ezekiel 36:26. Lord, convict him of his anger and of abandoning his covenant and his family, and lead him to true repentance. Teach him to be slow to anger and to put away bitterness and wrath, and to love his wife and cherish his daughters as You have commanded. Take away fear from his mind, the fear of working out this marriage, the fear that keeps him disconnected and double minded, for a double minded man is unstable in all his ways, James 1:8. Fill him with Your perfect love that casts out fear and with a spirit of power, love and self control.
Lord, we pray for this wife who is hurting and waiting. Comfort her, strengthen her, guard her heart and the hearts of her daughters. Give her wisdom to know how to speak and when to be silent, to set godly boundaries that protect her children while still honoring her marriage covenant. Surround her with wise, Christ centered counsel and supportive community. Give her Your peace that surpasses all understanding as she waits on You. Lord, we pray for reconciliation if it be Your will, that You would restore what the enemy has tried to tear apart, that this husband would turn back to You first and then back to his family, that he would seek wise counsel through Christ loving friends who will speak truth in love and point him to Your Word. We pray for restored communication, for humility, for forgiveness on both sides, and for a marriage that honors You and reflects Christ's love for the church. We ask that fear be completely expunged and replaced with faith, hope and love. We pray all these things only through the name of Jesus Christ, for there is no other name under heaven given among men by which we must be saved, Acts 4:12, and it is only through Jesus that we have access to You, for Jesus said I am the way, the truth, and the life, no one comes to the Father, except through me, John 14:6. Let Your will be done in this family and let Your name be glorified in their restoration. Amen.
We encourage you to remain in the Word daily, to continue praying for your husband by name, to seek a trusted pastor or mature believing couple for ongoing wise counsel, and to keep protecting and shepherding your daughters in the Lord. God is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, Ephesians 3:20, and nothing is too hard for Him. We will continue to stand with you for his heart to be softened, his anger to be healed, and your marriage to be restored in Christ.
