Request for repair or letting go fully

[Spruirdoth]

Hello,

Almost two years ago, I got out of a 3-year relationship with a girl who is dismissive avoidant. Her parents are pastors and run a church, and she is a pastor's kid. Marriage was my goal for us, but it appeared the more serious things got, that's when self-sabotage behavior from her grew, ultimately leading to our ship to sink. Due to her extreme struggle to express emotions (as she would go mute once we started talking and express how talking was so much pressure for her), nothing could actually be addressed, so naturally whatever fears, needs, or worries she was having could not be resolved. She felt as though she was unworthy of love and felt shame for how she treated me along with feeling too much pressure, which ultimately led to our split. She decided to leave me shortly after I was considering ending us. It still felt like the rug was snatched from underneath my feet.

Every 5 or 6 months, I would reach out, asking if we could consider starting over again and if we could talk and see what we can do to improve. This on and off of me asking happens for 19 months, and she is extremely adamant that there cannot be an iota of a chance we reconnect; however, she has been open to talking to me whenever I reach out. A few days ago, I hear she is now seeing someone else. On this information, I let her know I will block her contact and other social media out of respect for her new relationship but more so for myself just so I don't pop back in 6 months from now like before and to really start the process of letting go.

I'm pretty sure looking at this anyone would say our time is simply just done, and I should just stop hoping. That could be true, but I am not sure if what I feel is strong attachment I just need to break or if it could mean something. I ask prayer to help me have better discernment on this and either help me fully let go or bring us back together if it is God's plan. I also ask that I can have the heart to be at peace regardless of the outcome and just focus on Him, although I am distracted with this relationship, or lack thereof, and other aspects of my life. A silver lining in all of this is that naturally it has pushed me to lean on God more as the relationship has left me confused as I try to understand the logic behind her actions and how spooked she got along with other things. I am not sure if I am being ungrateful to say that now that I have a better relationship with Him that has been restored, I want a relationship with her to be similarly restored. But perhaps this is me not letting go again. Once again, I ask for prayer for a better heart and discernment. Thank you!

 

[Articles]

We hear your heart, and we stand with you in prayer, seeking God’s wisdom and peace in this season of uncertainty. First, we must acknowledge the pain of unmet expectations and the lingering hope that can make letting go so difficult. Scripture reminds us in Proverbs 3:5-6, "Trust in Yahweh with all your heart, and don’t lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." You are right to seek God’s discernment rather than relying on your own emotions or logic, especially when the situation feels confusing.

This relationship has left deep wounds, and we must address the biblical principles that were not upheld. While you pursued marriage with godly intentions, the relationship was marked by emotional unavailability, self-sabotage, and a lack of healthy communication, none of which align with God’s design for a covenant between a man and a woman. Ephesians 4:15 calls us to "speak the truth in love" and to grow together in Christ, but this was not possible when she could not or would not engage in that process. Her avoidance of conflict and emotional expression created an unstable foundation, and while we can have compassion for her struggles, we must also recognize that a marriage built on such ground would not honor God.

We must also rebuke the pattern of reaching out repeatedly after the relationship ended. This cycle of hope and rejection only prolonged your pain and hindered your healing. Jesus teaches us in Matthew 5:37, "But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes’ and your ‘No’ be ‘No.’" Her firm "no" should have been respected long ago, and your decision to block her now is a step toward honoring that boundary, not just for her sake, but for yours. Proverbs 26:11 warns, "As a dog returns to his vomit, so a fool returns to his folly." This is not to call you a fool, but to highlight the danger of revisiting what God may have already closed.

The news that she is seeing someone else is a clear sign that God is redirecting your path. While it may feel like a final blow, it is also an opportunity for you to fully surrender this relationship to Him. Psalm 119:105 says, "Your word is a lamp to my feet, and a light for my path." If this door is closed, God has another one waiting for you, one that will honor Him and allow you to thrive in His purpose. Your desire for restoration is understandable, but we must ask: Is this truly God’s will, or is it your heart clinging to what was familiar? Jeremiah 29:11 reminds us, "For I know the thoughts that I think toward you," says Yahweh, "thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you hope and a future." That future may not include her.

We also want to address the silver lining you mentioned, your restored relationship with God. This is not something to dismiss or feel guilty about. Your growth in Him is precious, and it is right to desire a marriage that reflects that same depth of faith and commitment. However, we must caution against equating your spiritual restoration with a need for this specific relationship to be restored. God may be using this season to prepare you for a spouse who will walk alongside you in faith, not one who pulls you away from it. 1 Corinthians 7:39 says, "A wife is bound by law for as long as her husband lives; but if the husband is dead, she is free to be married to whomever she desires, only in the Lord." While this verse speaks to widows, the principle applies to all believers: marriage is to be "only in the Lord."

Now, let us pray together:

Heavenly Father, we come before You with humble hearts, lifting up this brother who is seeking Your will in a time of confusion and pain. Lord, we ask that You would grant him clarity and discernment, that he may see this situation through Your eyes and not his own. If this relationship is not Your plan for him, we pray that You would uproot every lingering hope and attachment that keeps him from fully surrendering to You. Give him the strength to let go, not with bitterness, but with peace, knowing that You are his Provider and his future.

Father, we rebuke the spirit of confusion and emotional turmoil that has clouded his judgment. We declare that he is a son of the Most High, and his identity is found in You alone. Help him to fix his eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of his faith, and not on what could have been. Heal his heart from the rejection and unmet expectations, and fill that void with Your perfect love. Remind him daily that You are enough, and that Your plans for him are good.

Lord, we also pray for this young woman. You know the struggles she faces, the shame she carries, and the pressure she feels. We ask that You would draw her to Yourself, that she may find healing and wholeness in You. Soften her heart to receive the love and truth of Your Word, and help her to grow in emotional health and maturity. If it is Your will, bring godly mentors and counselors into her life to guide her.

Father, we ask that You would prepare this brother for the spouse You have for him, a woman who will love You first, who will honor him as her husband, and who will walk with him in faith. Give him patience to wait for Your timing and wisdom to recognize Your leading. May he find joy in the journey, knowing that You are with him every step of the way.

We pray all of this in the mighty name of Jesus, the One who heals the brokenhearted and sets the captives free. May Your peace, which surpasses all understanding, guard his heart and mind in Christ Jesus. Amen.

In this season, we encourage you to immerse yourself in God’s Word and surround yourself with a community of believers who can speak truth into your life. Spend time in worship, not just in prayer, and allow the Holy Spirit to minister to the deepest parts of your heart. You are not alone in this, and God is faithful to complete the work He has begun in you. Philippians 1:6 says, "Being confident of this very thing, that he who began a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ." Trust that He is shaping you for His glory, and that your future is secure in His hands.

 

[hostadmin]

We can feel the weight of this situation pressing on your heart. It makes sense that after nearly two years of longing and trying to find a way forward, you’re wrestling with what to do next. It’s okay to acknowledge the attachment you still feel, it’s human to hold onto hope, even when others keep shutting doors.

We want to encourage you to take this step of blocking her contact seriously. It’s not just about protecting yourself from temptation; it’s about honoring the boundaries God has already set in your life. When we keep revisiting closed doors, we often end up stuck in the past instead of moving forward with God’s plan for us. It’s brave to say, "Enough is enough," and trust that God is guiding your steps, even when the path isn’t clear right now.

We’ve seen how this situation has pushed you closer to God in ways you didn’t expect, and that’s a gift. It’s wonderful that your relationship with Him has been restored and deepened, even if the relationship with her hasn’t worked out. Maybe what you’re feeling isn’t about her at all, maybe it’s about the fear of never finding someone who will love you the way you long to be loved. But we promise you, God does see that longing, and He hasn’t forgotten you.

Right now, the best thing we can do is surrender this to God. Ask Him to help us release the hold this has on our heart. Give God permission to heal the hurt and replace the emptiness with His peace. Trust that if there’s someone meant for us, God will bring them into our lives at the right time. Until then, let’s focus on growing in faith, serving others, and resting in the truth that we are fully known and loved by Him.

Lord, we come before You with this brother’s heart before You. We ask for Your peace to wash over him, to quiet the noise of doubt and fear. Help us to let go of what we can’t control and trust in Your perfect timing. Heal the wounds of rejection and unmet expectations. Remind us that Your love is enough, that Your plans for us are good, and that You are always working, even when we can’t see it. Guard our hearts from bitterness and fill us with hope for the future You have prepared. Strengthen our faith so that we may walk confidently in Your will, knowing that You hold our future securely in Your hands. In Jesus’ name, we pray. Amen.

 

[The Encourager]

May God in Jesus' name answer your prayer request according to God's perfect love, wisdom, will, timing, grace, and mercy. God is so in love with you. Be Encouraged!

Psalm 37:4: Delight yourself in the Lord, And He shall give you the desires of your heart.
Matthew 6:33: But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.

Prayer Focus: God, Thank You for loving me. Thank You for loving me, Jesus. God, I ask You in Jesus’ name please bless me with everything that I stand in need of and everything You want me to have. God bless me to prosper, walk in excellent health, and never stop growing in the love, grace, and knowledge of Christ Jesus. God bless me to know You in truth, fall in love with You with all my heart, mind, soul, body, and strength and never fall out of love with You. Bless me to have an ever growing closer stronger, more intimate relationship with You. Bless me with the love, desire, strength, and the spirit of obedience to always delight myself in You, seek first Your kingdom, Your righteousness, and to always respect and obey You. Bless me to trust You with all my heart, acknowledge You in all my ways, and lean not to my own understanding. Bless me with knowledge, wisdom, and understanding in all You have called me to do.

God heal me in every area of my life. Deliver and cleanse me of everything in my life that doesn't honor You. Transform and renew my mind. Bless me with love, power, and a sound mind. Let the mind that is in Christ Jesus be in me. Bless me to have and operate with a God solution focused heart, mind, spirit, and attitude. Bless me to have a God Kingdom Culture Mentality. God be with me as a mighty warrior. Let no weapon formed against me prosper. Protect me from all the plans of my enemies and the plans of the enemy of my soul. God, all that I have asked of You, in this prayer, please do the same for the writer of the prayer, all those who love and care about me, and all those I love and care about. God, please forever honor this prayer over each of our lives. God Thank You. Amen, so be it by faith, and by faith, it is so. Prayer written by The Encourager-Prayer Warrior-Board Certified Professional Christian Life Coach. www.theencourager.net

Heal Me Lord Jesus Spirit, Soul, And Body​

Healed Spirit Soul And Body

be-an-encourager.blogspot.com

 

[bobr69]

I prayed for this in Jesus Name. Amen.

 

[flora]

Praying for this in Jesus Name.

 

[usha rani]

I prayed for this request in Jesus Name. Amen.

 

[Jonathan_M]

Praying for this request in Jesus Name.