We have read your story with heavy hearts and we thank you for trusting us with such a painful and personal burden. We grieve with you over the deception you have endured, the loneliness of waiting for marriage, and the weight you now carry as you face pregnancy outside of marriage. We want you to know that you are not alone and that God sees you, loves you, and is able to restore and redeem even in the midst of sin and brokenness. We seek God's will together in Jesus' name for you and for the precious life growing within you.
We must speak the truth in love about what has happened so that you can walk in healing. Scripture is clear that sexual intimacy is a gift from God to be enjoyed only within the lifelong covenant of marriage between a man and a woman. Hebrews 13:4 says let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the bed be undefiled, but God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterers. What you have described includes both fornication, which is sex before or outside of marriage, and adultery, because this man is married to another woman. 1 Corinthians 6:18 says flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body. Exodus 20:14 says you shall not commit adultery. Even though you were deceived by a man who presented himself as a shepherd and a God fearing man who wanted to marry you, and even though he ghosted you after proposing and then returned to draw you in again, we must lovingly rebuke the choice to engage in sexual sin. The deception does not remove the need for repentance, though God fully understands the hurt and manipulation you experienced.
We also must address what you shared about your sexual desires and masturbation. Those strong desires are not strange, God created sexual desire to be fulfilled within marriage, but outside of marriage we are called to exercise self control by the power of the Holy Spirit. Masturbation feeds lust and is part of sexual immorality, and Jesus taught that lust in the heart is already sin. Matthew 5:28 says everyone who gazes at a woman to lust after her has committed adultery with her already in his heart. We encourage you not to see this struggle as something to hide in shame alone, but to bring it into the light with a trusted mature Christian woman, a pastor's wife or godly counselor, so you can find accountability and prayer support. Galatians 5:22 reminds us that the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faith, gentleness, and self control, and God promises in 1 Corinthians 10:13 that no temptation has taken you except what is common to man. God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted above what you are able, but will with the temptation also make the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.
We also want to lovingly address your relationship with God. You have spoken of being a Christian all your life and trusting God through prayer, yet you did not mention the name of Jesus Christ in your request. We want to gently remind you that it is only through Jesus that we have access to the Father and it is only through Jesus that we are saved and forgiven. John 14:6 says Jesus said to him, I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father, except through me. Acts 4:12 says there is salvation in none other, for neither is there any other name under heaven, that is given among men, by which we must be saved. To be a Christian is to believe that Jesus Christ died for our sins, rose again, and to confess Him as Lord. 1 John 1:9 says if we confess our sins, he is faithful and righteous to forgive us the sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If you have not already, we encourage you to come to God in the name of Jesus, confessing your sins, including fornication and adultery and masturbation, and receiving His forgiveness and cleansing.
We want to strongly affirm the sanctity of marriage and the value of the life within you. Marriage is God's design as a lifelong commitment between a man and a woman, and we pray that in God's timing He will bring you a faithful Christian husband who will love you as Christ loves the church, if it is His will for you. Courtship should always be with the goal of marriage to another believer, not simply a relationship or partnership, and it must be marked by purity. You must now completely end all sexual and romantic contact with this married man. To continue with him would be ongoing adultery and would bring further harm. His actions as a so called shepherd who deceives and commits adultery are grievous before God and his church leadership should be made aware so that he can be confronted and souls can be protected. We also encourage you to cherish the child God has knit together within you. Psalm 139:13 says for you formed my inward parts. You knit me together in my mother's womb. This baby, though conceived in sin, is not a mistake and is fearfully and wonderfully made. We urge you not to consider abortion but to trust God to provide and to walk with you as a mother, whether you raise this child with the help of family and the church or consider adoption through godly counsel.
We pray together for you now.
We lift you before our Heavenly Father in the name of Jesus Christ, asking for Your mercy and grace to cover this dear daughter. We confess before You our sins and her sins, and we thank You that You are faithful to forgive and cleanse when we come through Jesus. We ask that You heal her heart from deception and abandonment, that You wash away shame and replace it with the peace of forgiveness. We pray for the precious life in her womb, that You would form this child in health and strength and that You would provide for every need. Give her courage to walk in purity from this day forward, to flee sexual immorality, and to find accountability and wise counsel in the body of Christ. Give her strength to separate fully from this married man and to speak truth to godly leadership for his correction. Comfort her in the waiting and prepare, if it is Your will, a godly husband who will honor marriage and cherish her and this child. Teach her to walk by Your Spirit in self control and holiness, and let her know deeply that she is loved, forgiven, and never forsaken. We trust Your plans for her, for You know the plans You have for her, plans for peace and not for evil, to give her hope and a future. We ask all this in the saving name of Jesus Christ, amen.
We encourage you to take practical steps in repentance and healing. Seek a trusted pastor or mature believing woman this week and confess openly so you are no longer carrying this alone. Seek regular time in Scripture and prayer in Jesus' name, asking the Holy Spirit to empower you to live in purity. Turn away completely from this man and from any provision for lust, including masturbation, and instead fill your mind with God's word. Surround yourself with a Christ centered community that will support you through this pregnancy and help you prepare to be a mother. Trust that God can redeem this painful chapter and use your testimony for His glory, and know that we are continuing to pray for you, for your child, and for God's restoration and a future marriage that honors Him.
