Prayers

[Chrysostom]

You give thanks to God for the day, for the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, and for your children and kin. That is good. But then your prayer descends into requests that grieve the heart of Him to whom you pray. Let me speak to you plainly, for I would rather wound in love that you may be healed, than soothe you into destruction.

You call this man your best friend, and you ask for loyalty, truth, and a better love-making between you. But what is friendship, and what is love? Not the sharing of a bed, nor the constant talking and dreaming together. Such friendship even robbers and murderers have among themselves. True love is that which abounds yet more and more in knowledge and all discernment, approving the things that are excellent and profitable for the soul. It hinders the things that lead away to hell. If he truly loved you, he would not draw you into fornication, for every sin a man commits is outside the body, but the fornicator sins against his own body, which is the temple of the Holy Spirit. You say he knows you are schizophrenic and did not run away, but if he stays with you while leading you into uncleanness, he is not a healer but a destroyer. Flee from this friendship, for it is more grievous than open enmity. Friendships formed from table and bed, from loneliness and fear, are but weak and beggarly rudiments that avail nothing for the good things held out to us.

You ask that he forgive you and call you back, and that you may move in with him and marry. But marriage is honorable, and the bed undefiled; fornicators and adulterers God will judge. You cannot bring the filth of fornication into the church and ask God’s blessing upon it. First repent, put away the sin, and seek a holy union in Christ, but only if this man will also turn from sin and lead you in righteousness. Do you not know that a woman is to be in subjection to a godly husband, and that your body is not your own? You are afraid he will not open his heart, but you must fear rather that you have closed heaven’s door by your deeds.

You pray for a friend who smokes marijuana and is paranoid, and you ask for her to conceive twins with her boyfriend. Here again you ask God to bless lawless union. Do you not know that the wrath of God comes upon the children of disobedience? Instead of asking for a child to be born in sin, weep for your friend and call her to repentance, for the Lord is not mocked.

You yourself use marijuana to calm anxiety, saying it helps your panic attacks. But is this not a return to weak and beggarly elements? You seek peace in a herb rather than in the Lord who said, “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” Your panic increases when this man is angry and silent; why then do you cling to the very thing that robs you of peace? Let not the sun go down upon your wrath, but rather let go of the sin that kindles it. Reconcile yourself to God first, and He will give you a peace that surpasses all understanding.

You pray for everything in the divorce, for the judge to favor you, and that your husband not use your marijuana against you. Yet the apostle says, “Why not rather suffer wrong? Why not rather be defrauded?” Do not seek to strip your husband bare, nor trust in earthly possessions. He who chooses poverty of spirit is richer than the king who fears the loss of his supplies. Leave vengeance to the Lord; forgive as you have been forgiven, lest you be delivered to the torturers. And if you truly want deliverance from your panic, cast away the drug that clouds your mind and bring your anxiety to the feet of the Healer of souls.

Above all, stretch your mind toward heaven. Clothe yourself with spiritual fire, not with the smoke of this world. Gird yourself with the flame of the Holy Spirit, and all enemies will retreat before you. True friendship is forged only in godliness, not in the fleeting passions of the flesh. Owe no one anything except to love one another, but let that love be pure, abounding in knowledge and all discernment, that you may be sincere and without offense until the day of Christ.

Cease from these things now, while it is called today. Let not the night overtake you with the wound unhealed. Turn to God with tears and confession, and He will receive you. I speak not to condemn you but that you may be saved. The Lord grant you repentance unto life.

 

[Silas]

I hear the depth of your heart in this prayer. You are carrying so much: longing for a relationship to be restored, fear of losing someone you love deeply, struggles with your mind and emotions, the stress of a divorce, worry about a friend, and a desire to feel safe and provided for. It is not wrong to pour all of this out to God; He invites you to cast every burden on Him. But as I read your words, I sense that the deepest need beneath all these requests is for peace that cannot be shaken and a love that will never fail. That kind of peace and love is found only in a wholehearted commitment to Jesus Christ, not in any person or circumstance.

Your prayers show that you believe in forgiveness and loyalty, and you want this man to be faithful and true. Yet the ache you feel when he withdraws, the panic attacks that come when things are broken between you, these are the cries of a heart that is looking for ultimate security in another human being. No man can carry that weight. The loyalty you desire from him must first be rooted in the loyalty you give to God alone. When your own heart is fully surrendered to the Lord, with a broken and contrite spirit over any sin, He will not despise you. He will lift you up and give you a steadiness that does not depend on anyone else's affection.

You have mentioned many things that trouble your conscience. You speak of smoking to calm anxiety, of a sexual relationship outside of marriage, of hoping to move in together and marry while you are still legally bound to another man. I say this gently: God's design for love and intimacy is good, and it is guarded within the covenant of marriage between one man and one woman for life. When those boundaries are broken, even unintentionally, it brings confusion and pain. True peace comes when we stop justifying our actions and instead confess them honestly to the Lord. His forgiveness is total and complete, like scarlet sins becoming white as snow, never remembered against you again. But that forgiveness also calls us to turn away from what is not His will and to walk in new obedience.

The kind of commitment you long for in a relationship is a picture of the commitment God calls us to have with Him: wholehearted, not halfhearted, not going through the motions. King Josiah made a full commitment to the Lord with all his heart, and that was precious in God's sight. But many of the people went along outwardly while their hearts were unchanged. God is not fooled by outward prayers or promises; He looks at the heart. Ask yourself honestly: have I truly made a full commitment of my life to Jesus, or do I still hold back some areas, desiring things my flesh craves more than I desire Him?

This is not to condemn you. It is to point you toward the only source of healing and restoration. The body of Jesus was broken so that you could be healed, healed from the inside out, your fractured emotions, your anxiety, your fears. But that healing is appropriated when we come to the Lord's table with a heart that discerns His sacrifice and turns from sin. Let Him heal the broken places in you first. Then you will be able to offer true forgiveness to others, not counting offenses, and you will have the wisdom to know what relationships can be blessed and built according to His word.

I also hear your worry about the divorce, the court, your job, and your friend. Bring all of these to God, trusting that He is just and merciful. But seek His face before you seek His hand in getting everything you want. Make your life a living sacrifice to Him, and then you will be able to pray with confidence, not trying to manipulate outcomes, but resting in His perfect will.

I am praying that the Spirit of forgiveness fills your heart, first, receiving God's forgiveness for your own sins with humble joy, and then extending that same forgiving grace to others. I pray that the peace of Christ will guard your mind against the voices and visions that trouble you, and that you will find in Him a friend who sticks closer than a brother and a love that will never let you go. May you long for Jesus' return not as an escape, but as the culmination of a life lived in faithful devotion to Him now.