Silas
Beloved of All
Thank you for sharing so honestly what you have been carrying. To be betrayed by a friend in a way that almost cost your life, to live through gun violence, and then to have childhood sexual abuse and family betrayal rise up again is an overwhelming weight. It makes sense that your body is stuck in survival mode, that you are having flashbacks and nightmares and terrible physical symptoms, and that you feel numb and like a zombie. That numbness is not a failure of faith. It is often how the body and mind try to protect themselves after so much fear and harm. God sees all of it and He cares about every part of you.
I want you to know that what was done to you in childhood was wrong. God created our bodies and our sexuality to be treated with honor and purity within the lifelong covenant of marriage between one man and one woman, and any abuse outside of that design is a violation of His will. Your body is precious to Him, and the wounds left by that abuse, along with the recent violence and betrayal, matter deeply to Him.
You asked when it will end and you have been faithfully talking to God in prayer. Please keep bringing that honest prayer to Him. He hears you even when you feel numb and when words are hard to find.
The Bible shows us that Jesus came to bear our griefs and carry our sorrows, and the word there also means our sicknesses and infirmities. One Gospel writer applies that prophecy directly to Jesus healing the sick and those oppressed, to show that His suffering on our behalf touches both our spiritual need and our physical and emotional brokenness. When we remember His body broken for us, we remember that He understands infirmity and He is able to heal.
At the same time, healing in Scripture does not always look the same. Sometimes Jesus healed instantly with a touch, sometimes with only a word from a distance, and once He healed gradually in stages. He was not confined to one pattern. Much healing that God does is gradual, working through processes He Himself built into our bodies and minds. That slow process is no less divine, because He is the One who created those natural processes. And often His healing begins in the mind and emotions, healing the scars and deep wounds inside, even while the body is still learning how to feel safe again.
There is also mystery here that we must acknowledge with humility. Not everyone experiences complete healing in the way or timing we hope for. The apostle Paul prayed three times for a painful affliction to be removed and God answered differently, giving grace to endure and strength in weakness. That does not mean God does not will to heal or that prayer is useless. It means we can trust His wisdom and compassion even when we do not understand His timing, and we can keep asking Him to work in every way He chooses.
For you right now, healing may be a gradual journey rather than a single moment. The stress response that keeps you on high alert, the exhaustion and the feeling of not knowing yourself, these are signs that your whole person needs gentle, steady care. God offers peace and restoration, but He often brings it step by step.
Please do not walk through this alone. Keep seeking the Lord in prayer and in Scripture, and stay connected to safe, trustworthy people who can support you. It would also be wise to reach out to a trauma informed counselor, ideally a Christian counselor, and to a medical provider who can help you address the physical symptoms of prolonged stress. Getting help is not a lack of faith, it is part of how God brings healing through the wisdom and care He has given to others.
Your desire to heal and one day help other people is a beautiful hope, and God can use even deep wounds that have been healed to bring comfort to others. For now, give yourself permission to focus on receiving care and letting God restore you day by day.
I am praying for you, that God would calm your nervous system and bring restful sleep without nightmares, that He would quiet the intrusive thoughts and flashbacks, that He would heal the deep scars from childhood and from recent betrayal, and that you would increasingly know His presence, His peace that can calm a storm tossed heart, and His love that says you are valued and not forgotten. May He lift the numbness and bring back a sense of yourself, renew your strength, and lead you in His gentle and patient process of making you whole. In the name of Jesus, who bore our infirmities and who heals every sickness and every disease among His people, amen.
I want you to know that what was done to you in childhood was wrong. God created our bodies and our sexuality to be treated with honor and purity within the lifelong covenant of marriage between one man and one woman, and any abuse outside of that design is a violation of His will. Your body is precious to Him, and the wounds left by that abuse, along with the recent violence and betrayal, matter deeply to Him.
You asked when it will end and you have been faithfully talking to God in prayer. Please keep bringing that honest prayer to Him. He hears you even when you feel numb and when words are hard to find.
The Bible shows us that Jesus came to bear our griefs and carry our sorrows, and the word there also means our sicknesses and infirmities. One Gospel writer applies that prophecy directly to Jesus healing the sick and those oppressed, to show that His suffering on our behalf touches both our spiritual need and our physical and emotional brokenness. When we remember His body broken for us, we remember that He understands infirmity and He is able to heal.
At the same time, healing in Scripture does not always look the same. Sometimes Jesus healed instantly with a touch, sometimes with only a word from a distance, and once He healed gradually in stages. He was not confined to one pattern. Much healing that God does is gradual, working through processes He Himself built into our bodies and minds. That slow process is no less divine, because He is the One who created those natural processes. And often His healing begins in the mind and emotions, healing the scars and deep wounds inside, even while the body is still learning how to feel safe again.
There is also mystery here that we must acknowledge with humility. Not everyone experiences complete healing in the way or timing we hope for. The apostle Paul prayed three times for a painful affliction to be removed and God answered differently, giving grace to endure and strength in weakness. That does not mean God does not will to heal or that prayer is useless. It means we can trust His wisdom and compassion even when we do not understand His timing, and we can keep asking Him to work in every way He chooses.
For you right now, healing may be a gradual journey rather than a single moment. The stress response that keeps you on high alert, the exhaustion and the feeling of not knowing yourself, these are signs that your whole person needs gentle, steady care. God offers peace and restoration, but He often brings it step by step.
Please do not walk through this alone. Keep seeking the Lord in prayer and in Scripture, and stay connected to safe, trustworthy people who can support you. It would also be wise to reach out to a trauma informed counselor, ideally a Christian counselor, and to a medical provider who can help you address the physical symptoms of prolonged stress. Getting help is not a lack of faith, it is part of how God brings healing through the wisdom and care He has given to others.
Your desire to heal and one day help other people is a beautiful hope, and God can use even deep wounds that have been healed to bring comfort to others. For now, give yourself permission to focus on receiving care and letting God restore you day by day.
I am praying for you, that God would calm your nervous system and bring restful sleep without nightmares, that He would quiet the intrusive thoughts and flashbacks, that He would heal the deep scars from childhood and from recent betrayal, and that you would increasingly know His presence, His peace that can calm a storm tossed heart, and His love that says you are valued and not forgotten. May He lift the numbness and bring back a sense of yourself, renew your strength, and lead you in His gentle and patient process of making you whole. In the name of Jesus, who bore our infirmities and who heals every sickness and every disease among His people, amen.
