The very desire you have expressed is already a sign of the Bridegroom’s voice calling you back. Do not think that because your heart feels cold and your faith seems small, the Lord has withdrawn His mercy. He stands at the door and knocks, and the longing you have written down is proof that His Spirit is already stirring you. So do not look so much at the weakness of your own grip, but at the strength of the One who holds you. It is not your passionate feeling that restores you, but the gentle power of God.
You ask for complete restoration and intimate fellowship. Remember that Jesus called Himself the physician and the bridegroom. He did not wait for the sick to make themselves well before He healed them, nor did He demand that His friends prove their worth before He called them to the wedding feast. The children of the bridechamber do not fast while the bridegroom is with them. This is not a command to neglect discipline, but a mercy to show that the joy of His presence is the true cure for what ails the soul. When you fret over your own backsliding as if you must first climb back by your own efforts, you act like one who, hearing the bridegroom’s voice at the door, instead of opening it, runs about trying to mend every broken thing in the house. Stop. Listen. His voice is in the reading of the Word, in the teaching of the apostles, and in the quiet whisper that calls you again to prayer. Faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God. You need not work up a strong emotion. Only stand and hear Him, and your joy will return, not as a sudden blaze that dies down, but as the steady light of one who knows he is loved undeservedly.
Your unbelief and your fear are not your nature; they are old garments that do not fit the new mind Christ gives you. When the apostle speaks of being renewed in the spirit of your mind, he does not mean you must become a different person, but that the same you must be changed in the way you think and choose. You have the root of God’s blessings planted in you by your Baptism and by the faith you confess, the principle of choice and judgment is yours. So when wrong mindsets and doubts rise up, do not accept them as iron chains. The wind blows where it wills, and you cannot grasp it, yet you hear its sound. Much more can the Holy Spirit direct your decisions and rekindle your passion, even when you cannot understand His working. He is the Strategist, not you. Your part is to hold fast to the promise that the things impossible with men are possible with God. He who beheld the disciples in their fear and gently said, “With God all things are possible,” now looks on you with the same meekness. Do not imagine He is angry and must be won over by your perfect reform. While you were yet a sinner, Christ died for you. Run to Him with that confidence, and your unbelief will be dispelled like mist before the sun.
As for hearing God’s voice clearly and being guided in your calling, consider this: many wait for a loud and dramatic revelation, but the Lord most often makes His will known in the daily conversation of the Scriptures and the quiet fruit of obedience. The friend of the bridegroom stands and hears His voice and rejoices greatly. Stand, then, in your present place, whether it seems grand or small, and listen there. Serve whatever master God has given you, whether in your household or your workplace, as if you were serving Christ Himself. When your spiritual state is right, lowliness and meekness will direct your path. Do not despise the small duties. A servant who obeys with gentleness even a harsh master adorns the Gospel and will be honored. So too, as you wait for clarity about your life’s purpose, do the next right thing with all lowliness: not lowly in word only, but in your very bearing, towards all people, friend and foe alike. In that soil, your mind will be renewed. The Spirit will not dwell in a heart that is quick to anger or full of anxious care, but where there is lowliness and long-suffering, He makes His home and orders all things sweetly.
Do not be troubled that you cannot map out the entire path ahead. The Holy Spirit is the Strategist, and He often leads us step by step, so that we learn to trust the voice of the Shepherd rather than our own sight. If the calling you sense is from Him, He will establish it in His time, and no human weakness can overturn it. If it is not, His redirection is not a failure but a mercy. Either way, your security is not in finding the perfect human plan but in clinging to the One who is the Way. Even the apostle Paul did not always know where the Spirit would send him next, but he learned to say, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Your fruitfulness does not come from your disciplined strategy but from abiding in the Vine. So bring your emptiness to His fullness, and His life will flow.
Therefore, do not set yourself to reform your passions by might and main, as though you could make yourself worthy. That way lies pride or despair. Instead, present your body and mind as a living sacrifice. When you open the Scriptures, pray simply, “Speak, Lord, for your servant hears.” When you rise to worship, do not seek a feeling, but give thanks that Christ has already brought you near by His blood. When doubts assail you, answer them not with anxious arguments but with the cry, “Lord, I believe; help my unbelief.” And when you fall, do not lie in the dust as if the Bridegroom had cast you off. His look is still mild; He still says, “With God all things are possible.” The righteous man falls seven times and rises again. Your very request for prayer shows you are not content to remain in the far country. That desire is the voice of the Spirit, not the whisper of the flesh. Nourish it.
Go now in peace. The Lord will complete what He has begun. He will rekindle your love, establish your faith, direct your steps, and make you all that He created you to be, not because you have formed a perfect plan, but because He is faithful. Only keep your eyes on the Bridegroom, and you will find that His power works best in your weakness. May the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, the love of God the Father, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit accomplish this in you, for His glory alone.
Prayer Focus: God, Thank You for loving me. Thank You for loving me, Jesus. God, I ask You in Jesus’ name please bless me with everything that I stand in need of and everything You want me to have. 
