We hear the deep sorrow and exhaustion in your heart, and we grieve with you over the spiritual and emotional turmoil you are enduring in your marriage. Your desire to seek the Lord despite these trials is a testament to your faith, and we commend you for standing firm in your commitment to Christ. However, we must address the gravity of what you are describing, for marriage is meant to be a sacred covenant that reflects Christ’s love for His Church—a union of mutual respect, love, and godliness. What you are experiencing is not only unbiblical but deeply destructive, and it cannot be ignored or excused.
First, we must ask: Is your wife a believer? You mentioned the possibility that she may not be saved, and this is a critical question. The apostle Paul warns in 2 Corinthians 6:14, *"Don’t be unequally yoked with unbelievers, for what fellowship have righteousness and iniquity? Or what communion has light with darkness?"* While you are already married, this verse underscores the spiritual conflict that arises when one spouse is walking with Christ and the other is not. Your wife’s behavior—her accusations, her cursing, her disrespect, and her apparent effort to hinder your relationship with the Lord—are signs of a heart that is not submitted to God. This is not merely a "difficult marriage"; it is a spiritual battle. Ephesians 6:12 reminds us, *"For our wrestling is not against flesh and blood, but against the principalities, against the powers, against the world’s rulers of the darkness of this age, and against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places."* Her words and actions are not just personal attacks against you; they are influenced by the enemy, who seeks to destroy your faith, your peace, and your marriage.
That said, we must also address your own heart in this matter. You mentioned feeling as though you are "just married to get her saved." While it is noble to desire your spouse’s salvation, marriage is not a tool for evangelism—it is a lifelong covenant before God. If your primary motivation in staying is to "save" her, you may be carrying a burden that is not yours to bear. Only the Holy Spirit can convict and save (John 16:8). You cannot force her to repent or believe, no matter how much you endure. Your role is to love her as Christ loves the Church (Ephesians 5:25), but love does not mean enabling sin or subjecting yourself to abuse. Proverbs 22:24-25 warns, *"Don’t befriend a hot-tempered man, and don’t associate with one who harbors anger: lest you learn his ways, and ensnare your soul."* While this verse speaks of friendship, the principle applies: constant exposure to anger, cursing, and hostility will wear down your spirit and hinder your walk with God.
Now, let us be very clear: **What you are describing is emotional and verbal abuse.** A wife who curses at her husband daily, accuses him falsely, and wakes him by yelling is not operating in love, respect, or godliness. First Peter 3:1-2 instructs wives to submit to their husbands *"so that, even if some don’t obey the Word, they may be won by the behavior of their wives without a word, seeing your pure behavior in fear."* But this is not a one-sided command. Ephesians 5:33 says, *"Nevertheless each of you must also love his own wife even as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband."* There is no respect in her actions, and there is no excuse for her treatment of you. You are not called to endure abuse in the name of "submission" or "love." God does not glorify suffering for suffering’s sake—He calls us to peace, holiness, and mutual honor in marriage.
So what should you do? First, you must seek the Lord earnestly for wisdom and strength. James 1:5 says, *"But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him."* You need divine discernment on how to proceed, whether that involves setting boundaries, seeking counseling, or, in extreme cases, separation for the sake of your spiritual and emotional well-being. We are not advocating for divorce, but we must acknowledge that Scripture does allow for separation in cases of abandonment or unrepentant sin (1 Corinthians 7:15). However, this is a last resort after much prayer, counseling, and effort toward reconciliation.
Second, you must confront the sin in your marriage—**not in anger, but in truth and love.** Matthew 18:15-17 outlines the process of addressing sin in a relationship: *"If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained back your brother. But if he doesn’t listen, take one or two more with you... If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the assembly."* While this passage is often applied to church discipline, the principle of loving confrontation applies in marriage as well. You must address her behavior with her, calmly and biblically, and express how her words and actions are harming you and dishonoring God. If she refuses to listen, then involving a pastor or biblical counselor is the next step.
Third, you must protect your heart and your walk with the Lord. If her behavior is consistently disrupting your time with God, you may need to set boundaries—such as finding quiet time to pray and read Scripture when she is not present, or even spending time in a different space if necessary. You cannot allow her to be a stumbling block in your relationship with Christ. Jesus said in Matthew 5:29-30, *"If your right eye causes you to stumble, pluck it out and throw it away from you. For it is more profitable for you that one of your members should perish than for your whole body to be cast into Gehenna."* While this is a dramatic illustration, the principle is clear: **You must prioritize your relationship with God above all else, even if it means making difficult choices in your marriage.**
Fourth, pray for her salvation—but do not make her salvation your idol. You cannot save her; only God can. Pray that the Holy Spirit would convict her heart and draw her to repentance. Pray that God would soften her heart and open her eyes to the damage her words and actions are causing. But also pray for your own strength, wisdom, and protection. Psalm 140:1-4 is a powerful prayer for deliverance from evil tongues and violent lips:
*"Deliver me, Yahweh, from the evil man. Preserve me from the violent man: those who devise mischief in their hearts. They continually gather themselves together for war. They have sharpened their tongues like a serpent. Their lips are like the poison of vipers. Yahweh, keep me from the hands of the wicked. Preserve me from the violent men who have determined to trip my feet."*
Finally, seek godly counsel. You should not walk through this alone. Find a pastor, elder, or biblical counselor who can guide you, support you, and help you navigate this difficult season. If your wife is unwilling to seek help, then you must still pursue it for yourself. There is no shame in asking for help—it is wise and necessary.
Now, let us pray for you:
Heavenly Father, we lift up our brother to You, knowing that You see his pain, his exhaustion, and his heart’s cry for peace. Lord, You are a God of justice and mercy, and You hate the destruction that sin brings into marriages. We ask that You would intervene in this situation, Lord. Soften our brother’s wife’s heart, convict her of her sin, and draw her to repentance and faith in Christ. If she is unsaved, Lord, open her eyes to her need for You. Break the strongholds of anger, bitterness, and accusation in her life. Let her see the damage her words and actions are causing, and bring her to a place of humility before You.
Father, we also ask that You would strengthen our brother in this trial. Guard his heart from bitterness, despair, and discouragement. Fill him with Your peace that surpasses all understanding. Give him wisdom to know how to respond, when to speak, and when to set boundaries. Protect his time with You, Lord—do not let the enemy use this marriage to drive him away from Your presence. Instead, let this trial drive him deeper into dependence on You.
Lord, we pray for restoration—if it is Your will. Heal this marriage, if both hearts are willing to submit to You. But if she continues in hardness of heart, Lord, give our brother the courage to do what is right and holy before You, even if it is difficult. Surround him with godly counsel, support, and encouragement. Let him not walk this path alone.
We rebuke the spirit of strife, confusion, and division in this marriage. We bind the enemy’s influence over this home and declare that no weapon formed against our brother will prosper. Let Your will be done, Lord, and let Your name be glorified in this situation.
In the mighty name of Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior, we pray. Amen.
Prayer Focus: God, Thank You for loving me. God, I ask You in Jesus’ name please bless me with everything that I stand in need of and everything You want me to have. 
