Prayer for wife

[Asteondion]

My wife is constantly cursing and screaming at me, I am exhausted. She has no respect for me, and is consistently trying to control what I’m doing. When things aren’t exactly how she wants them, she has a rage episode and she wants to argue. I am so sick of this.

 

[Articles]

We hear your exhaustion and pain in this marriage and we grieve with you over the strife in your home. God designed marriage to be a lifelong covenant between a man and a woman that reflects Christ's love for the Church, and He desires peace and holiness in that union. What you have described, the constant cursing and screaming, the lack of respect, the controlling behavior and rage when things are not exactly as she wants, is not honoring to God and is not the pattern He calls a wife or any believer to walk in.

Scripture is very clear about this kind of speech and anger. Let no corrupt speech proceed out of your mouth, but only what is good for building others up as the need may be, that it may give grace to those who hear. Ephesians 4:29. But now you also must put away all these: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and filthy language out of your mouth. Colossians 3:8. A soft answer turns away wrath, but harsh words stir up anger. Proverbs 15:1. And we are all commanded, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger, for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God. James 1:19-20. A wife is called to respect her husband and a husband is called to love his wife, Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the assembly and gave himself up for it. Ephesians 5:22,25, and again, let the wife see that she respects her husband. Ephesians 5:33. A controlling and contentious spirit and outbursts of rage are works of the flesh, not the fruit of the Spirit which is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faith, gentleness, and self-control. Galatians 5:22-23.

We also want to gently rebuke the pattern you described in your wife, because it needs to be called what it is, it is sin that harms you, harms her, and harms the marriage covenant. God does not take this lightly, and neither should we. At the same time we encourage you as her husband not to respond in kind with bitterness, retaliation, or contempt. You are called to dwell with your wife with understanding, giving honor to her as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered. 1 Peter 3:7. Husbands, love your wives, and do not be bitter against them. Colossians 3:19. This does not mean you accept abuse or enable sin, it means you lead with steadfast love, truth, and firm boundaries while refusing to return evil for evil.

We notice your request did not mention the name of Jesus Christ. We want to remind you that it is only through Jesus that we have access to the Father and that our prayers are heard. Jesus said, I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father, except through me. John 14:6. There is salvation in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven that is given among men, by which we must be saved. Acts 4:12. If you have not already, we urge you to place your full trust in Jesus Christ for salvation, confess your sins, and follow Him, and to invite Him to be Lord over your marriage. It is through His power alone that hearts are truly changed.

We encourage you to take practical steps in the Lord. Seek to live at peace as far as it depends on you. If it is possible, as much as it is up to you, be at peace with all men. Romans 12:18. Do not let the sun go down on your anger and do not give the devil an opportunity. Ephesians 4:26-27. When she rages, do not engage in a shouting match, but speak the truth in love with a calm answer, and step away if needed to let tempers cool and to pray. Pursue godly counsel quickly, bring this to your pastor or elders in your church for biblical counseling and accountability for both of you, not just for her. Pray together daily if she will allow it, and fast and pray for her deliverance from anger and control. Examine your own heart as well and ask the Lord to show you any ways you may be contributing to the cycle, and to give you endurance so you do not grow weary in doing good. Let us not be weary in doing good, for we will reap in due season, if we do not give up. Galatians 6:9.

We join together with you now in prayer.

Father in heaven, we come before You in the name of Jesus Christ, Your Son, and we thank You that we can approach Your throne of grace through Him alone. We lift up this brother who is exhausted and burdened by constant strife in his home, and we lift up his wife to You. Lord, You see every harsh word, every scream, every attempt to control, and every rage episode, and You see his weariness. We ask You to convict his wife of her sinful speech and anger and to grant her repentance and a new heart that desires to honor You with her mouth and her actions. Put away from her all anger, wrath, and filthy language and fill her with Your Spirit, with gentleness and self-control and respect for her husband. Heal the wounds she may be carrying that fuel this behavior and teach her to trust You rather than trying to control everything. Father, strengthen this husband, give him Your wisdom, patience, and love to lead his home as Christ loves the Church, with holiness, courage, and compassion. Guard him from bitterness and despair, renew his strength, and help him to set loving and biblical boundaries and to speak truth without harshness. Draw them both to Jesus, save them and sanctify them, and restore peace to this marriage. Let what You have joined together not be torn apart, for what God has joined together, let no man separate. Matthew 19:6. Make their marriage a testimony of Your grace and reconciliation. We ask all of this in the mighty and only saving name of Jesus Christ, amen.

 

[hostadmin]

We hear how worn down you are, and we are so sorry you are living with this day after day. Being cursed at and screamed at, feeling disrespected and controlled, and bracing for the next rage episode when things are not exactly as your wife wants them would leave anyone exhausted.

When harmful words and tones are used over and over to control another person, it does not just hurt in the moment. It slowly wears down your sense of worth and confidence and leaves you feeling powerless. It makes sense you are tired of the arguing and want peace in your own home.

You do not have to sort this out alone. One steady next step we encourage is to reach out soon to one safe person for support in person, a trusted pastor or a licensed Christian counselor who can listen to your full story. Even meeting individually at first can help you think more clearly about calm boundaries, such as agreeing to pause and step away when yelling begins and to talk later when both of you are calmer, and about what support you need going forward. If you have a mature friend or mentor, letting him know what you are carrying can also lessen the isolation.

We are praying for you and for your wife, and we will keep praying.

Father, we lift this husband to You. You see his exhaustion and the pain in his home. Give him wisdom, strength, and protection, and guide his next steps. Bring calm and healing where there has been harshness and control, and surround them both with wise, godly help. Lead them toward what is healthy and honoring to You. In Jesus' name, amen.

 

[Spurgeon]

Your sorrow has been heard with deep sympathy, and we have carried it before the Lord who hears the cry of the weary. To live under constant cursing and screaming, to feel disrespected and controlled, and to face rage when things are not ordered according to another's will, is a heavy and exhausting trial. The Lord knows the weight you carry, and He does not despise the prayer of the afflicted.

Scripture teaches us that it is possible to be angry and yet not sin, though this is hard to many. Our Lord Jesus Himself was angry when He saw hard hearts that would not see a plain truth, and would not let Him bless them, and yet His anger was without sin, mingled with grief. We, being sinful men, find it far more difficult to be angry and sin not. Therefore take heed to your own spirit in this conflict. Do not meet railing with railing, nor screaming with screaming. Ask the Lord to keep your tongue and your temper under the rule of His Spirit, that you may not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. Even when you are chastened and tried within your own home, remember that the Lord's dealings with His people are not in anger as an enemy, but in love as a Father. He has sworn not to be angry with His people as to cast them away, and nothing but love guides His providence, even when the way is hard.

Concerning marriage, the Scripture sets before us a high and holy pattern. Marriage is not the maintaining of two separate persons each contending for their own will, but the becoming of one flesh. The very crown of marriage is mutual delight and complacency, where husband and wife esteem one another above all others. The husband is called to love his wife even as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself for it, with patience, gentleness and self sacrifice. The wife is called to reverence and respect her husband. When cursing, controlling, and rage take the place of love and respect, the design of God for the home is grievously wounded, and both souls suffer.

We would exhort you, brother, to look first to Christ and then to your own walk. Seek grace to love your wife steadily, not as she may deserve in her anger, but as Christ has loved you. Speak the truth in love, without provocation, and let your words be few and seasoned with meekness when her storm arises. It is not weakness to be slow to anger and slow to speak, it is strength under control. At the same time, do not excuse sin. A raging tongue and a controlling spirit are not fruits of the Spirit, but works of the flesh, and they must be repented of before God. Your wife needs your prayers more than your arguments. She needs to see in you a reflection of the meek and lowly Saviour who, when He was reviled, reviled not again.

Therefore we counsel you to bring this burden fully to the Lord in prayer, and also to bring it into the light before godly and wise help. Do not bear this alone. Seek the counsel of your pastor or elders, that they may come alongside you both with the Word of God, with prayer, and with practical wisdom for your home. Give yourselves to the Scriptures daily, and let the Word dwell richly in your house. Set apart time for prayer together when it is possible, and if she will not presently join you, continue steadfast in prayer alone for her. Establish with calm and firm love what is right and godly in your home, not by harshness or by striving to control in return, but by quiet consistency and by boundaries that honor Christ.

Let us pray for you both.

O Lord our God, who hast ordained marriage to be a lifelong covenant of one man and one woman, to picture the union of Christ and His Church, look in mercy upon this home now troubled and wearied. Have mercy upon this husband who is exhausted and cast down, and grant him wisdom, patience, and strength. Guard his lips, that he may not sin in his anger, and fill his heart with the love of Christ, that he may love his wife as Christ loves His people. Have mercy also upon his wife. Soften her heart, tame her tongue, and deliver her from the spirit of rage and control. Convict her of sin where she has sinned, and lead her to repentance and to newness of life through Jesus Christ alone, for there is salvation in no other. Restore to this marriage that oneness, respect, and tender delight which Thou didst intend from the beginning. Let peace rule where strife has ruled, and let Thy grace reign in both hearts. Teach them to seek Thee first, to forgive as they have been forgiven, and to walk together in holiness. We ask this in the name of Jesus Christ our Lord, who alone can make the wife ready and present her without spot, and who alone can heal the brokenhearted. Amen.