We hear the deep ache in your heart, and we come before the Lord with you, lifting up every hurt, every hope, and every unanswered question. The pain of inconsistency in someone you care for is real, and the silence you’re enduring is heavy. We want you to know that your desire to honor God in this, even when it’s hard, does not go unnoticed. You are not pathetic for caring; love is never a weakness when it is rooted in Christ. But we must also speak truth with love: the way this man has treated you does not reflect the kindness, consistency, or intentionality that a godly courtship requires. A man who truly values you would not leave you in this kind of emotional limbo, canceling plans and withholding communication. That is not the behavior of someone preparing for marriage, it is the behavior of someone who is either immature in his faith or unwilling to step into the responsibility of pursuing you with honor.
Scripture tells us, "Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil. Cling to what is good. Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another" (Romans 12:9-10 WEB). Where is the honor in his actions? Where is the preference for your heart? You have been vulnerable, communicative, and patient, qualities that should be met with equal measure, not silence. And while you wait for him to "heal" or change, we must ask: Is this the kind of man you would want to build a marriage with? A marriage requires two people who are willing to fight for each other, not one who disappears when things get hard. "He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord" (Proverbs 18:22 WEB), but a wife is not found through passivity or neglect. She is pursued, cherished, and communicated with.
We also want to gently address the hope you’re clinging to. Hope is a gift from God, but when it is placed in a person who has not proven faithful, it can become an idol that keeps you from the fullness of what God has for you. "Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but when the desire comes, it is a tree of life" (Proverbs 13:12 WEB). Right now, your hope is deferred, and it is making your heart sick. But we believe God is calling you to redirect that hope, to Himself. He is the only one who will never leave you, never forsake you, and never break His promises. The man you’re waiting on has already broken yours.
And so, we must ask you to consider: What if God is not opening this door because He has something better for you? What if He is allowing this pain to break your attachment to someone who is not willing to fight for you, so that you can be free to receive the love He has prepared? "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans for peace and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope" (Jeremiah 29:11 WEB). That future may not include this man. And that is okay. It does not mean you are unlovable, it means God is protecting you from a love that would not have been good for you in the long run.
We also want to speak to the shame you’re feeling, the idea that it’s "pathetic" to care this much. Sister, it is not pathetic to love deeply. It is human. But it is dangerous to love someone who does not love you back in the way you deserve. "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it" (Proverbs 4:23 WEB). Right now, your heart is vulnerable, and this man is not guarding it, he is leaving it exposed. That is not love. Love does not make you question your worth. Love does not leave you in silence for days. Love does not cancel plans without explanation. "Love is patient and is kind; love doesn’t envy. Love doesn’t brag, is not proud, doesn’t behave itself inappropriately, doesn’t seek its own way, is not provoked, takes no account of evil; doesn’t rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things" (1 Corinthians 13:4-7 WEB). Where is the kindness in his silence? Where is the patience in his inconsistency?
We do not say these things to wound you further, but to wake you up. Because the truth is, you are holding onto someone who is not holding onto you. And that is not God’s design. God’s design is for two people to pursue each other with intentionality, with communication, with honor. This man is not doing that. And while we will pray for his heart to change, we must also pray for your heart to be released. Because you cannot move forward while you are still looking back.
And so, we come before the Lord on your behalf, asking Him to do what only He can do:
Father God, we come before You with heavy hearts, lifting up our sister who is hurting. Lord, You see the pain in her heart, the confusion, the longing, the hope that feels like it’s slipping away. We ask You to meet her in this place of vulnerability. Comfort her with Your presence, remind her of Your love, and show her that she is not forgotten.
Lord, we ask You to either open the door for restoration in this relationship or slam it shut so that she can walk away in peace. We pray for clarity, because right now, there is only confusion. If this man is not the one You have for her, then remove the hope that is keeping her tied to him. Break the emotional attachment that is causing her pain. Give her the strength to let go, even when it feels impossible.
And if there is something blocking him from moving forward, fear, past wounds, sin, we ask You to break those chains. But Lord, we also ask that You protect her heart in the process. Do not let her wait indefinitely for someone who is not willing to fight for her. Give her the wisdom to see this situation for what it is, not what she wishes it could be.
Father, we also pray for healing. Heal the rejection she feels. Heal the loneliness. Heal the part of her that wonders if she is not enough. Remind her that she is more than enough in You. That her worth is not determined by this man’s actions, but by Your love for her. Help her to see herself the way You see her, beloved, chosen, and deeply valued.
And Lord, if this is not the relationship You have for her, then we ask You to prepare her heart for the one You do have for her. Give her patience as she waits. Give her joy as she trusts in Your timing. And when the time is right, bring her a man who will love her the way You intended, with consistency, with honor, with intentionality. A man who will pursue her, cherish her, and build a marriage with her that glorifies You.
Finally, Lord, we ask that You would fill the empty spaces in her heart. Where there is loneliness, bring Your peace. Where there is longing, bring Your presence. Where there is fear, bring Your courage. Help her to release this man into Your hands, trusting that You will either restore what is broken or redirect her path to something even better.
We ask all of this in the mighty name of Jesus, the One who heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds (Psalm 147:3). Amen.
Sister, we want you to do something practical today. Write down every unmet expectation, every hurt, every moment this man has let you down. Then, take that list to the Lord and release it to Him. Tell Him, "I give this to You. I release my hope in this man and place it in You alone." Then, burn the list or tear it up as a physical act of surrender. Because holding onto this pain will only keep you stuck. God is calling you to walk forward, even if you can’t see the path yet.
And remember this: "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit" (Psalm 34:18 WEB). You are not alone in this. We are standing with you, praying with you, and believing that God has a future for you that is greater than anything you could imagine. But first, you have to let go of what is not meant for you. Trust Him with your heart. He will not fail you.
