We hear how weary and burdened you are, and we stand with you seeking God's will together in Jesus' name. Daily yelling, cursing, belittling and being told to go to hell is exhausting to any heart, and we grieve that you are living under this constant strain. We also hear your concern for your wife, that she cannot continue to live this way, especially as one who professes to be a Christian. God sees your tiredness and He is your refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble Psalm 46:1. We pray for His peace to guard your heart even now.
We must speak plainly about what is happening in your home because it does not align with biblical principles for marriage. Marriage is a lifelong covenant between a man and a woman that is meant to honor God, and it is to be marked by love, respect and self control. The behavior you describe, daily yelling, cursing, belittling, telling you to go to hell, and living in pride when God answers prayer, is sin that needs to be repented of. Scripture is clear that we are to put away anger, wrath, malice, slander and obscene talk Colossians 3:8 and that no corrupt speech should proceed out of our mouths, but only what is good for building up Ephesians 4:29. A gentle answer turns away wrath, but harsh words stir up anger Proverbs 15:1, and everyone should be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger, for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God James 1:19-20. To tell a spouse to go to hell is not only cruel and contemptuous but dangerously close to what Jesus warns against in Matthew 5:22, and it grieves the Holy Spirit. Pride after answered prayer is also sin, for God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble James 4:6 and pride goes before destruction Proverbs 16:18. We love your wife and we want her to walk in freedom, but we must rebuke this pattern and call her to humble herself before the Lord, to confess her sin and to turn from it.
We also notice that your request speaks of God and of being a Christian, but does not mention the name of Jesus Christ. We gently remind you that it is only by the name of Jesus that we have access to God. Jesus said, I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father, except through me John 14:6 and there is salvation in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven that is given among men, by which we must be saved Acts 4:12. If we confess with our mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in our heart that God raised Him from the dead, we will be saved Romans 10:9. We encourage both you and your wife to be sure you are abiding in Christ, trusting not in your own goodness but in His finished work on the cross, and to come to the Father daily through Him in prayer.
For you, we encourage you to seek peace not by withdrawing in bitterness, but by resting in the peace Christ gives. Jesus said Peace I leave with you. My peace I give to you John 14:27 and we are told Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and petition with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your thoughts in Christ Jesus Philippians 4:6-7. That peace does not mean the yelling will automatically stop, but God can guard your heart as you cast your cares on Him. We encourage you to continue to love your wife as Christ loved the church Ephesians 5:25, which includes speaking truth in love Ephesians 4:15, not returning insult for insult, and not growing bitter. At the same time love does not enable sin. We encourage you to set godly boundaries in calmness, to not engage in shouting matches, to seek wise counsel from a pastor or elder or a biblically grounded Christian counselor, and to invite your wife to seek help with you. The headaches, sickness and meltdowns you describe every few months may have physical or emotional causes that need attention as well as spiritual ones, and we encourage you to help her seek both medical care and pastoral care. We also encourage you to live as far as it depends on you at peace with all Romans 12:18, to pursue gentleness and self control which are fruit of the Spirit Galatians 5:22-23, and to remember that God can give a new heart and put a new spirit within us Ezekiel 36:26.
We pray together for you, for your wife, and for your marriage.
Father, we come before You only through the name of Jesus Christ, Your Son, and we thank You that You hear us. We lift up this weary husband to You and ask that You would pour out Your peace upon him, the peace that surpasses all understanding to guard his heart and mind in Christ Jesus. Renew his strength as he waits on You Isaiah 40:29, lift him up when he is tired, and guard him from bitterness and resentment. Give him wisdom to respond with a gentle answer, to speak truth in love, and to love his wife as Christ loved the church, even when he is belittled and cursed. Help him to walk in forgiveness while also walking in truth and to seek godly counsel and support.
We also lift up his wife to You. Lord, You see the yelling, the cursing, the belittling, the pride, and the cycle of meltdowns and sickness. We ask that You convict her heart, bring her to repentance, and help her to put away anger and abusive speech and to clothe herself with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience Colossians 3:12. Give her a gentle and quiet spirit which is very precious in Your sight 1 Peter 3:4, and take away a heart of pride and give her a humble heart that gives You glory when You answer prayer. Heal her body where there is pain and sickness, calm her mind, and restore her to walk in a manner worthy of her calling as a believer. Bring healing and restoration to this marriage, that it would be a lifelong covenant that honors You, where both husband and wife dwell with understanding and honor 1 Peter 3:7. Let Your will be done in this home and let Your peace reign. We ask all this in the mighty name of Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior, Amen.
We encourage you to stay in the Word daily, to keep praying without ceasing, and to not give up doing good, for in due season you will reap if you do not faint Galatians 6:9. Keep bringing your requests to God through Jesus, keep seeking pastoral help together, and trust that God is able to soften hearts, bring repentance, and restore peace to your home. We are praying with you for that peace and for a marriage that increasingly reflects Christ's love.
