Paroxyromai
Humble Prayer Partner
Please pray for me in a difficult situation I’m in right now. My ex’s mother is apparently in Canada to handle an exchange of our belongings, but communication has been vague and stressful. I don’t know if things will be returned properly, and the uncertainty is weighing on me. For context, some time ago a reverend gave me a very specific prophecy. He said my ex would come back into my life through very specific means, that we would become friends again through very specific means, that a relationship would develop again through very specific means, and that this would ultimately be fulfilled with her coming to Christ and us marrying. Up to now, every part of this prophecy has happened exactly as described except for the parts about her coming to Christ and marriage. I understand that all prophecy is partial and revealed in stages, but this has been a huge part of my walk with God. After we broke up, her brother told me he felt called by the Lord to evangelize to her and to help lead her to Christ. Recently, I’ve been seeing her interact more and more with Christian content online. This isn’t because I’m stalking her or keeping tabs we still follow each other, and I’ve just noticed it in my feed. Right now I’ve written a letter that I was planning to place with her belongings during this exchange. I’m praying for clarity on whether God wants me to leave it there or remove it. Please pray that God gives me a clear word on what to do with this letter, and that His will alone be done in all of this not mine. Here is the letter:
Final Thoughts
Dear ###,
This is not a love letter, and it’s not me trying to get you back. It’s simply me closing this chapter in a way that feels honest and complete. You were an amazing partner in so many ways. You were kind, empathetic, and you made me feel seen when I needed it most. For a while, it felt like we were helping each other grow. You were helping me put myself back together after years of damage. But over time, things shifted. What we had started to feel less like love and more like a transaction. I felt like I had to keep doing more, giving more, sacrificing more just to keep your closeness. It felt like there was an inflation on your love, and I couldn’t keep paying the price. I don’t believe you were ever trying to hurt me. What I see now is that you were caught in your own push and pull wanting closeness but fearing it at the same time. You would pull me near when you felt safe, then withdraw when it felt like too much. And I get it that fear comes from somewhere deep. But after we broke up, you made the decision not to have the conversation about how friendship should work, and instead you put me in a very specific limbo. Not a relationship, not a clean break, something in-between that kept me hoping and guessing. Being in that post-breakup limbo was painful. It was confusing. And yes, it was cruel not because you are a cruel person, but because it was a choice you made that kept my head underwater while I was trying to breathe. I ended up in the hospital because of the stress of it all. I had to pry closure out of you just to stop spinning. But this letter isn’t just about you, it's also about me. I need to apologize for the ways I failed you and failed us. I didn’t act maturely with the way things ended. When I saw you pulling back, I didn’t speak up. I didn’t say, “Hey, we need to communicate,” or “I’m seeing us drift and it hurts me we need to talk.” I just stayed silent, hoping it would fix itself, and my silence pushed you even farther away. I was afraid of losing you, and that fear kept me from fighting for us in the right way. I also need to apologize for my anger. No matter how much I can justify it, I can’t claim to be who I want to be and hold onto rage against someone I loved so deeply. You did not deserve to have my pain weaponized against you. I forgive you for the things that hurt me fully and completely. And just as I forgive you, I hope you can forgive me. Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting or pretending nothing happened, but it means I won’t hold it against you anymore, and I won’t put myself in a position where we could hurt each other the same way again. You are not a monster. You are a person carrying a lot of pain and trauma that you haven’t worked through yet. And I say this from a place of care: you need therapy, not because you are broken, but because you deserve to be free of the patterns that hurt you and the people you love. I saw a version of you that very few people ever get to see, and it was beautiful. It’s a shame that part of you is hidden from the world. Please show it to them. You can be a lighthouse for so many people if you let yourself. You need space to work through your fear of abandonment and fear of closeness, to learn how to set boundaries without disappearing, to stop letting guilt and anger control your reactions, and to find balance so that love can feel safe for you. I’m not angry at you for needing those things. I’m angry at the choice to put me in limbo instead of talking honestly. I can’t keep myself in that kind of dynamic again. I don’t apologize for what I said in that story. I said it because I didn’t want to see you in my feed the moment I opened Snapchat. When you were out of sight, you were out of mind, and it was easier for me to go about my life and communicate with other people without reopening wounds. I know that might sound harsh, but it was the only way I could protect myself. In conclusion, we had a good run until we didn’t. We both contributed to the breakdown. I can only control my part, and my part is to step away and heal. I would only ever be open to talking again whether as friends or anything more if we had a real, honest conversation about what that would look like. And if you ever wanted to try again romantically, it would only be after both of us had done the hard work to become healthy, secure people who can love without fear, without conditions, and without limbo. Until then, I genuinely wish you the best. You have my number, my Snapchat, and my Instagram. If one day you want to have that conversation, you know where to find me. The door will be open.
Final Thoughts
Dear ###,
This is not a love letter, and it’s not me trying to get you back. It’s simply me closing this chapter in a way that feels honest and complete. You were an amazing partner in so many ways. You were kind, empathetic, and you made me feel seen when I needed it most. For a while, it felt like we were helping each other grow. You were helping me put myself back together after years of damage. But over time, things shifted. What we had started to feel less like love and more like a transaction. I felt like I had to keep doing more, giving more, sacrificing more just to keep your closeness. It felt like there was an inflation on your love, and I couldn’t keep paying the price. I don’t believe you were ever trying to hurt me. What I see now is that you were caught in your own push and pull wanting closeness but fearing it at the same time. You would pull me near when you felt safe, then withdraw when it felt like too much. And I get it that fear comes from somewhere deep. But after we broke up, you made the decision not to have the conversation about how friendship should work, and instead you put me in a very specific limbo. Not a relationship, not a clean break, something in-between that kept me hoping and guessing. Being in that post-breakup limbo was painful. It was confusing. And yes, it was cruel not because you are a cruel person, but because it was a choice you made that kept my head underwater while I was trying to breathe. I ended up in the hospital because of the stress of it all. I had to pry closure out of you just to stop spinning. But this letter isn’t just about you, it's also about me. I need to apologize for the ways I failed you and failed us. I didn’t act maturely with the way things ended. When I saw you pulling back, I didn’t speak up. I didn’t say, “Hey, we need to communicate,” or “I’m seeing us drift and it hurts me we need to talk.” I just stayed silent, hoping it would fix itself, and my silence pushed you even farther away. I was afraid of losing you, and that fear kept me from fighting for us in the right way. I also need to apologize for my anger. No matter how much I can justify it, I can’t claim to be who I want to be and hold onto rage against someone I loved so deeply. You did not deserve to have my pain weaponized against you. I forgive you for the things that hurt me fully and completely. And just as I forgive you, I hope you can forgive me. Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting or pretending nothing happened, but it means I won’t hold it against you anymore, and I won’t put myself in a position where we could hurt each other the same way again. You are not a monster. You are a person carrying a lot of pain and trauma that you haven’t worked through yet. And I say this from a place of care: you need therapy, not because you are broken, but because you deserve to be free of the patterns that hurt you and the people you love. I saw a version of you that very few people ever get to see, and it was beautiful. It’s a shame that part of you is hidden from the world. Please show it to them. You can be a lighthouse for so many people if you let yourself. You need space to work through your fear of abandonment and fear of closeness, to learn how to set boundaries without disappearing, to stop letting guilt and anger control your reactions, and to find balance so that love can feel safe for you. I’m not angry at you for needing those things. I’m angry at the choice to put me in limbo instead of talking honestly. I can’t keep myself in that kind of dynamic again. I don’t apologize for what I said in that story. I said it because I didn’t want to see you in my feed the moment I opened Snapchat. When you were out of sight, you were out of mind, and it was easier for me to go about my life and communicate with other people without reopening wounds. I know that might sound harsh, but it was the only way I could protect myself. In conclusion, we had a good run until we didn’t. We both contributed to the breakdown. I can only control my part, and my part is to step away and heal. I would only ever be open to talking again whether as friends or anything more if we had a real, honest conversation about what that would look like. And if you ever wanted to try again romantically, it would only be after both of us had done the hard work to become healthy, secure people who can love without fear, without conditions, and without limbo. Until then, I genuinely wish you the best. You have my number, my Snapchat, and my Instagram. If one day you want to have that conversation, you know where to find me. The door will be open.
Prayer Focus: God, Thank You for loving me. God, I ask You in Jesus’ name please bless me with everything that I stand in need of and everything You want me to have. 
