Silas
Beloved of All
I hear the weight you are carrying for this person you care about, and your desire to see her know the truth is itself a sign of love. Thank you for bringing this honestly before the Lord and asking for prayer.
What she has said, that love starts with lust, is a confusion that many people have, but Scripture makes a clear distinction. There is a physical desire that wants to take and use another person for its own satisfaction. That is not love, it is shallow and self centered. There is also a friendship kind of love that gives as long as it receives in return. And then there is the love that comes from God himself, a giving, sacrificial love that seeks the good of the other even at cost to itself. When the Bible talks about love, it is talking about this third kind. Jesus showed it when he laid down his life for us. That is the opposite of lust. Lust wants to get, divine love wants to give. To call lust the beginning of love is to mistake a counterfeit for the real thing, and that counterfeit is part of what the Bible calls the lust of the flesh and the lust of the eyes and the pride of life. Those things belong to the world system that is passing away, and they do not come from the Father. Love that is from God does not begin with using another person, it begins with giving yourself for them.
You are right to be concerned when she says lust is not a sin. God is clear that it is. Jesus taught that sin begins in the heart before it becomes an act. Yet it is important to know that this sin, like any other, is not beyond forgiveness. The reason God sent his Son to be the sacrifice for our sins was precisely because we are all sinners who need that forgiveness. The cross is where the love of God was most clearly shown, that he would give his Son to take our place so we could have fellowship with him. No one is forgiven because their sin was small, but because Christ's sacrifice is great. To believe on Jesus and to receive that love is the simple core of the gospel.
You wonder if she can still be saved because she has heard the truth and now pushes it away. It is true that a person can harden their heart by saying no again and again, and Scripture warns that a heart can become stiff. But only God knows when that final line is crossed, and while a person still has breath, we do not declare them beyond hope. The fact that you still care and pray shows God has not given up, and he is far more patient and merciful than we are. His love initiates toward us before we ever respond. We love him because he first loved us. When we come to understand how much he has loved and forgiven us, our hearts respond. You cannot force that response in her by arguing. What you can do is keep praying for her privately, keep loving her in deed and in truth, not just in words, and let the Spirit of God produce his fruit of love in you as you stay yielded to him. People often see the truth more clearly through a life that quietly shows Christ's love than through repeated debate.
You mentioned she does not want you to tell others about this. It is loving to honor that confidence. Love does not gossip or expose a person. You can and should pray for her directly to the Father who sees in secret. If you need wisdom for how to relate to her, you can seek counsel from a mature, biblically grounded pastor or believer without sharing details that would identify her or betray her trust, simply asking for general guidance on how to love someone who is deceived in this area.
Do not carry the burden of saving her yourself. Your part is to believe on Jesus yourself, to walk in his love, and to keep entrusting her to him. Continue to show kindness, to forgive as you have been forgiven, and to be ready to speak the truth gently when she is willing to hear, but also to be quiet and faithful when she is not. Ask God to open her eyes to see the difference between lust which takes and love which gives, and to draw her to the light rather than away from it. The condemnation Scripture speaks of is not that people have sinned, but that light has come into the world and they refuse to come to it. Pray that she will choose to come to the light while there is still time.
I will join you in prayer that God will soften her heart, that he will help her see lust for what it is and love for what it truly is, that she will come to believe on Jesus Christ for salvation, and that he will give you grace, patience, and wisdom to love her as Christ has loved you.
What she has said, that love starts with lust, is a confusion that many people have, but Scripture makes a clear distinction. There is a physical desire that wants to take and use another person for its own satisfaction. That is not love, it is shallow and self centered. There is also a friendship kind of love that gives as long as it receives in return. And then there is the love that comes from God himself, a giving, sacrificial love that seeks the good of the other even at cost to itself. When the Bible talks about love, it is talking about this third kind. Jesus showed it when he laid down his life for us. That is the opposite of lust. Lust wants to get, divine love wants to give. To call lust the beginning of love is to mistake a counterfeit for the real thing, and that counterfeit is part of what the Bible calls the lust of the flesh and the lust of the eyes and the pride of life. Those things belong to the world system that is passing away, and they do not come from the Father. Love that is from God does not begin with using another person, it begins with giving yourself for them.
You are right to be concerned when she says lust is not a sin. God is clear that it is. Jesus taught that sin begins in the heart before it becomes an act. Yet it is important to know that this sin, like any other, is not beyond forgiveness. The reason God sent his Son to be the sacrifice for our sins was precisely because we are all sinners who need that forgiveness. The cross is where the love of God was most clearly shown, that he would give his Son to take our place so we could have fellowship with him. No one is forgiven because their sin was small, but because Christ's sacrifice is great. To believe on Jesus and to receive that love is the simple core of the gospel.
You wonder if she can still be saved because she has heard the truth and now pushes it away. It is true that a person can harden their heart by saying no again and again, and Scripture warns that a heart can become stiff. But only God knows when that final line is crossed, and while a person still has breath, we do not declare them beyond hope. The fact that you still care and pray shows God has not given up, and he is far more patient and merciful than we are. His love initiates toward us before we ever respond. We love him because he first loved us. When we come to understand how much he has loved and forgiven us, our hearts respond. You cannot force that response in her by arguing. What you can do is keep praying for her privately, keep loving her in deed and in truth, not just in words, and let the Spirit of God produce his fruit of love in you as you stay yielded to him. People often see the truth more clearly through a life that quietly shows Christ's love than through repeated debate.
You mentioned she does not want you to tell others about this. It is loving to honor that confidence. Love does not gossip or expose a person. You can and should pray for her directly to the Father who sees in secret. If you need wisdom for how to relate to her, you can seek counsel from a mature, biblically grounded pastor or believer without sharing details that would identify her or betray her trust, simply asking for general guidance on how to love someone who is deceived in this area.
Do not carry the burden of saving her yourself. Your part is to believe on Jesus yourself, to walk in his love, and to keep entrusting her to him. Continue to show kindness, to forgive as you have been forgiven, and to be ready to speak the truth gently when she is willing to hear, but also to be quiet and faithful when she is not. Ask God to open her eyes to see the difference between lust which takes and love which gives, and to draw her to the light rather than away from it. The condemnation Scripture speaks of is not that people have sinned, but that light has come into the world and they refuse to come to it. Pray that she will choose to come to the light while there is still time.
I will join you in prayer that God will soften her heart, that he will help her see lust for what it is and love for what it truly is, that she will come to believe on Jesus Christ for salvation, and that he will give you grace, patience, and wisdom to love her as Christ has loved you.
