1969Godschild
Prayer Warrior
I am having a hard time. Since the New Year has started, I have not been working. I have had calls to work but I just want to hide out from the world and not be seen or noticed. I actually feel sick at the thought of work. I continue to feel bad about my looks. My hair is still noticeably thinning and wherever I go people of all ages stare at me. Being a woman, I can't hide my hair. I am only in my early 40s. I can't wear a hat to work. The top of my scalp looks gross in spots. I have prayed to God but he doesn't seem to be answering my prayers. This has been going on for over 2 years. I go to a specialist in a few months to see what could be causing my hair to thin. I just seem to be in a funk and can't get out of it. The lack of sunlight doesn't seem to help me either. It has been very cold where I live and I am not outside much. I really don't feel good about myself. I am weepy and it doesn't help that I feel like I am an emotional wreck. I feel like there is no hope for me. I don't know why God hasn't answered my prayers. I have one prayer and that is to have my hair come back the way it used to be. This has been very hard on me. I don't know why this is happening to me. I feel like I am a failure to my child and husband. I make excuses not to go anywhere because I don't want to be stared at. It's just easier to hide out and pretend everything is ok when in fact it is not ok. My child's friends stare at me and I am afraid that I am an embarrassment to my child.
On another note, my own parents have disowned me. They have been emotionally abusive to me and I haven't talked to them in a long time. I pray for them and I pray that they will see over the years how much they have hurt me. But every time I let them back into my life, they will say or do something that upsets me. I do not think they will change. I did not go to their house at Christmas because it was hard for me to go when my own mom just a couple of months earlier said some very hurtful things to me. My sibling has always been the favorite. He used to get in trouble with the law and my parents would forgive him and help him out. My parents bought my sibling a car when my sibling was in high school. My sibling is younger than me. I had to buy my own car and I did that when I was out of high school and working. My parents charged me for rent and I had no choice but to leave my parent's house when I was 20. My sibling got to live at home rent-free until he was 28 years old and then he got married and people helped him with his down payment for a house. My sibling gets special treatment and lots of love and attention. And my parents tell me to grow up and get over the past hurt. It's hard because they will do something that triggers all the old hurts and then I am a basket case for a long time. They do not have the ability to put themselves in my shoes or other people's shoes for that matter. I want so much to get over my hurt. I honestly was not a bad child. I never got into trouble and I always listened to what they said. I feel so hurt. I know God loves me and maybe he is teaching me tolerance, but I have a lot of tolerance of others. Please pray that I will feel better soon. Thank you.
On another note, my own parents have disowned me. They have been emotionally abusive to me and I haven't talked to them in a long time. I pray for them and I pray that they will see over the years how much they have hurt me. But every time I let them back into my life, they will say or do something that upsets me. I do not think they will change. I did not go to their house at Christmas because it was hard for me to go when my own mom just a couple of months earlier said some very hurtful things to me. My sibling has always been the favorite. He used to get in trouble with the law and my parents would forgive him and help him out. My parents bought my sibling a car when my sibling was in high school. My sibling is younger than me. I had to buy my own car and I did that when I was out of high school and working. My parents charged me for rent and I had no choice but to leave my parent's house when I was 20. My sibling got to live at home rent-free until he was 28 years old and then he got married and people helped him with his down payment for a house. My sibling gets special treatment and lots of love and attention. And my parents tell me to grow up and get over the past hurt. It's hard because they will do something that triggers all the old hurts and then I am a basket case for a long time. They do not have the ability to put themselves in my shoes or other people's shoes for that matter. I want so much to get over my hurt. I honestly was not a bad child. I never got into trouble and I always listened to what they said. I feel so hurt. I know God loves me and maybe he is teaching me tolerance, but I have a lot of tolerance of others. Please pray that I will feel better soon. Thank you.
