We hear the breaking in your heart and we stand with you together before the throne of grace in Jesus' name, lifting up your marriage and your home. Your pain is not unseen by God, for Yahweh is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves those who have a crushed spirit Psalm 34:18. We thank you for calling on the name of Jesus, for it is only through Him that we have access to the Father, and there is no other name under heaven by which we can be saved and by which our prayers are heard John 14:6, Acts 4:12.
We grieve with you over the rollercoaster you have described and we must speak truth in love about what you have shared. God ordained marriage as a lifelong covenant between one man and one woman, to be held in honor by all, and the marriage bed is to be kept undefiled Hebrews 13:4. What you describe in your husband, his cold heart, rudeness, anger, emotional distance, withholding of intimacy, infidelity and porn addiction, are serious sins against God and against your covenant. Porn is not a harmless vice, it is adultery of the heart, for everyone who gazes at a woman to lust after her has committed adultery with her already in his heart Matthew 5:28. Infidelity violates the command you shall not commit adultery Exodus 20:14. Anger and rudeness violate love itself, for love is patient and is kind, love does not behave itself inappropriately, is not provoked, takes no account of evil 1 Corinthians 13:4-5. We rebuke these works of the flesh, which include sexual immorality, impurity, hostility, outbursts of anger Galatians 5:19-21, and we call your husband to repentance, for God commands all to turn from darkness and be cleansed by the blood of Jesus.
We also hear how this is breaking you and affecting your mental health, and we want to remind you that God cares deeply for your soul and mind. We are to cast all our worries on him, because he cares for us 1 Peter 5:7, and we are told in everything by prayer and petition with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God, and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your thoughts in Christ Jesus Philippians 4:6-7. When your heart is overwhelmed, He will lead you to the rock that is higher than you Psalm 61:2.
The withholding of intimacy in marriage also grieves God's design. The husband should give his wife the affection owed her, and likewise the wife to the husband, and you should not deprive one another, except by mutual consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to prayer 1 Corinthians 7:3-5. Emotional distance and coldness are not God's will for a husband, for husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the assembly, and gave himself up for it Ephesians 5:25. And for anger, we exhort that all bitterness, wrath, anger, outcry, and slander be put away from you, with all malice, and be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other Ephesians 4:31-32, and let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger, for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God James 1:19-20.
We encourage you to remain steadfast in prayer and to seek godly, biblical counsel from a trusted pastor or mature believing counselor who upholds the sanctity of marriage, and to establish wise boundaries that do not enable sin while still showing Christlike love. Continue to walk in holiness yourself, to guard your own heart, and to win your husband not only with words but with a gentle and quiet spirit as God works 1 Peter 3:1-4. If anger ever becomes threatening or unsafe, seek help immediately from your pastor and safe family in Christ.
We pray together now for you both.
Father in heaven, we come to You in the mighty name of Jesus Christ, and we lift up this dear sister and her husband and their home to You. Lord, we ask You to do what only You can do, give this husband a new heart, and put a new spirit within him, take away the stony heart out of his flesh, and give him a heart of flesh Ezekiel 36:26. Soften his cold heart, break his pride, convict him deeply of his rudeness, his anger, his emotional distance, his infidelity and his porn addiction. Lord, deliver him from every vice and chain, help him to submit to God and resist the devil so the devil will flee from him James 4:7, and cleanse him and make him whole. Forgive his adultery and impurity and create in him a clean heart. Teach him to love his wife as Christ loves the church, with tenderness, kindness, and self control, putting away all wrath and malice.
We pray for this wife, Lord, heal her brokenness, guard her mind and heart with Your perfect peace, restore her strength, and renew her hope. Heal both of them, Lord, and heal their home, make it a place of peace, purity, and faithful love that honors You. Help them to forgive as You have forgiven, to speak truth in love, to pursue reconciliation and holiness, and to keep their marriage covenant holy and undefiled. Let no weapon formed against their marriage prosper, and let Your will be done in their lives. We ask all this in the name of Jesus Christ our Lord, who is our healer, our redeemer, and our only hope. Amen.
