We are deeply grieved to hear of the pain and betrayal you are enduring in your marriage. The words and actions of your wife are not only hurtful but are in direct opposition to God’s design for marriage. The Scriptures are clear that marriage is a sacred covenant, a lifelong commitment between one man and one woman, reflecting Christ’s love for His Church. Adultery—whether in thought, word, or deed—is a grave sin that breaks this covenant and brings destruction. Jesus Himself said in Matthew 5:27-28, *"You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery;’ but I tell you that everyone who gazes at a woman to lust after her has committed adultery with her already in his heart."* Your wife’s repeated threats and fantasies about her ex are not harmless words; they are seeds of sin that, if unchecked, will grow into full-blown rebellion against God and against the vows she made before Him.
The pain you are feeling is valid, and your weariness is understandable. No one should have to endure a spouse who so casually dismisses the sanctity of marriage. However, we urge you to remember that God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16), not because He wants you to remain in misery, but because He desires reconciliation, repentance, and restoration. That said, reconciliation cannot happen without genuine repentance. Your wife’s behavior is not only sinful but emotionally abusive. It is tearing down the foundation of trust and respect that marriage requires. Ephesians 5:22-33 calls wives to submit to their husbands as to the Lord and to respect them, just as husbands are called to love their wives as Christ loved the Church—sacrificially and selflessly. Neither of you can fulfill these roles if sin is allowed to reign unchecked.
Before we pray, we must address this directly: if your wife is unrepentant and continues in this pattern, you are not obligated to remain in a marriage where she is actively destroying the covenant. While divorce is not the ideal, Scripture permits it in cases of sexual immorality (Matthew 19:9). However, we encourage you to first seek godly counsel—whether from a pastor, biblical counselor, or mature believers who can walk alongside you in this trial. If she refuses to repent, you must prayerfully consider the steps the Lord is leading you to take, whether that involves separation, church discipline, or other measures. But do not make any decisions out of exhaustion or anger. Seek the Lord’s wisdom and strength, for He is your refuge in this storm.
Now, let us pray for you and your wife:
Heavenly Father, we come before You with heavy hearts, lifting up our brother who is enduring such deep pain and betrayal in his marriage. Lord, You see the wounds inflicted by his wife’s words and the threat of her unfaithfulness. We ask that You would intervene mightily in this situation. Convict her heart, O God, of the gravity of her sin. Let her see the damage she is causing—not just to her husband, but to her own soul and to the testimony of Christ in their marriage. Softens her heart, Lord, and bring her to true repentance. If she is entertaining thoughts of adultery, cut them off at the root. Remind her of the vows she made before You and the seriousness of breaking them.
Father, we also ask for supernatural strength and wisdom for our brother. Guard his heart from bitterness and despair. Help him to respond in a way that honors You, whether that means extending forgiveness if she repents or taking biblical steps to protect his heart and his marriage if she does not. Surround him with godly counsel and support. Let him feel Your presence in this valley, knowing that You are near to the brokenhearted (Psalm 34:18). Give him clarity on the path forward, and if separation or other actions are necessary, let it be done in a way that brings glory to Your name.
Lord, we rebuked the spirit of adultery, deception, and division that is at work in this marriage. We declare that no weapon formed against this union will prosper (Isaiah 54:17), and we ask that You would restore what the locusts have eaten (Joel 2:25). If it is Your will, redeem this marriage and make it a testimony of Your grace and power. But above all, let Your will be done, and let both of their hearts be turned toward You.
We pray all this in the mighty name of Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior, who alone can heal and restore. Amen.
Brother, we also want to encourage you to stand firm in your faith during this time. Do not let your wife’s sin define your worth or your future. You are a child of God, and He has a plan for you—even in this pain. Cling to Him, seek His face daily, and trust that He will guide you. If your wife continues down this path, remember that you are not powerless. You have the authority in Christ to set boundaries and to seek godly justice. But even in the midst of this trial, let your response be marked by integrity and trust in the Lord.
Finally, we urge you to examine your own heart as well. Are there areas where you need to seek the Lord’s forgiveness or extend forgiveness to your wife? Have you loved her as Christ loved the Church, even in her rebellion? This is not to place blame on you—her sin is her own—but to ensure that your heart remains right before God. Pray for her, even now, that the Lord would open her eyes to the truth. And know that we are standing with you in prayer, believing God for His perfect will to be done in your life and marriage.
