I want somebody to love me and care for me... I saw malice and abuse..if there is all this stuff, there has to be some love somewhere, right...
God is the God of restoration and redemption.
Sometimes, Eugene, love is found in a simple smile, a word spoken, a deed done, a hug, a encouraging message. That malice and abuse is not your identity in Christ. Those are memories from your past (and your past can be a minute ago) and if allowed those memories to dictate your life, then you will be most miserable, even as a Christian we fail to lay down our burdens at the foot of the cross where Jesus bore those things upon Himself 2000 years ago. He does not ask us to continue to carry the marks of our lives as a sinner, but we are called to a new way of living, a new life, new memories, new mindsets, overcomers, and in fact victorious in Christ. Don't be conformed to this world, and the ways of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of our minds. We can't focus our attention on what was but on who He is and what He has created us to be.
We all have gone through abuse and malice in our lives, some more than others but those things were not in our original created value, but the result of sin. As born again believers, though we may suffer persecution, we do it because as He is so are we in this world, but we suffer not begrudginingly, but willing lay down our lives for our brethren so they can know the joy and the peace of the Lord, through the new birth. We are not our own anymore.
That desire you have for someone to love you and care for you, has to be found first through Christ. If we are looking for someone to fill that void in us, then the expectations on them will be a burden and hardship because it will be in the flesh and not of the spirit. For this reason, the Son of God has come, to fill that void, that need to be loved and cared for. When you can accept His love and care for you and allow it to flow through you, then you will be ready for a wife and family because as head of your house, your responsibilities will be great, though not burdensome. Priest of the home, prays, shares, loves, ministers. 1 Cor 13 is a great chapter to learn what love is and does not do.
Learn to allow God to heal the past, dust you off and send you out to those who need Christ.
Father, let your word that has been sown in Eugene's heart and mind, rise up in power and truth, to break the lies and deceptions of the enemy that comes in to steal, kill and destroy. Your word like a hammer, smashing and destroying everything that is not of You. Let your truth flow like honey from Your Spirit to permeate his very being. Bless the thoughts of his heart and mind.
In Jesus name. Amen.