Chrysostom
Beloved of All
Your sorrow and worry for your mother have been heard, and I join you in bringing them before the Lord with compassion.
What you describe, the sudden increase in anxiety, the pressure on you and your family, the sleepless nights and short sleep in the day, the constant calling, the forgetting that your father has died and asking where he is, the seeing of things that are not there, and the refusing of medication, are deeply distressing to witness. They are also common in the course of Alzheimer’s disease, especially when there is a new medical problem, a change in sleep, an infection, or distress that makes confusion worse. This does not mean your mother is choosing this. Her fear for your future shows her love for you is still there, even as memory and understanding are clouded. When she presses and manipulates, it is not from a settled will but from anxiety and confusion that she cannot control.
The Lord sees both her affliction and yours. Scripture teaches that His care surpasses even the affection of a father, and that He invites those who labor and are heavy burdened to come to Him to find rest for their souls. He said His yoke is easy and His burden is light, not because life has no sorrow, but because He carries us through it. He also taught us not to add tomorrow’s burden to today, for each day has enough trouble of its own. Your mother’s worry that she must do something for your future, and your own worry about what is true and what is illusion and what to do next, are heavy burdens. God does not ask you to carry them alone or to solve the future all at once. He asks you to walk faithfully one day at a time, trusting Him with what you cannot understand or control.
You have already taken a wise and loving step in planning to bring her to the doctor tomorrow. Keep that appointment, and if her condition worsens quickly, seek help sooner. It will help the doctor if you and your brother write down what has happened in these two to three days, when the anxiety attacks occur, how she sleeps, what she says she sees, what medications she takes and when she refused them, and any other illnesses or changes. Take the medications with you. Ask the doctor to check for any new medical cause for sudden confusion and to advise you on how to respond when she refuses medication, how to keep her safe at night, and what support is available for her and for you.
In the meantime, a few things can help you love her well through this episode. Keep her surroundings calm, quiet, and familiar, with a gentle daily rhythm. Speak calmly and briefly, offer simple reassurance rather than long arguments about what is real. When she asks for her husband, it is often kinder to comfort her feeling rather than to correct her sharply, for example by saying you are with her, she is safe, and you love her, and then gently redirecting. Do not argue about the cockroaches or other things she sees, but calmly reassure her and make sure the room is safe and well lit. Keep dangerous items out of reach, ensure she is not left alone if she might wander, and try to protect her sleep with a quiet, dim environment at night. When she calls constantly, answer with patience when you can, but also share the load with your brother and others so you can rest. You cannot care for her well if you are exhausted.
Please remember that you also need care. The anxiety and sorrow you carry are real, and the Lord invites you to cast them on Him. Share the burden with your brother, with trusted family or friends, and with your church. Take turns, rest when you can, eat and sleep as you are able, and pray together. The work of caring for a parent with memory loss is long, and God gives strength not all at once for the whole journey, but day by day.
Let us pray together.
Lord Jesus Christ, You are merciful and lowly in heart, and You have promised rest to those who are weary. Look with compassion upon this mother in her confusion and fear. Calm her anxiety, grant her sleep, protect her from harm, and give her peace. Look also upon her children who love her and are worried and worn. Grant them wisdom for every decision, patience in every trial, strength for each day, and help from others when the burden is heavy. Guide the doctors and give clarity about what is happening and what should be done. Keep this family in Your care, and lead them to trust You more deeply through this sorrow. Bring comfort in the remembrance that nothing can separate us from Your love, and grant at last Your perfect healing and rest. Amen.
Stay close to the Lord in prayer, keep close to the doctor’s counsel, and keep close to one another. God is near to you in this trial, and He will give you what you need for each step.
What you describe, the sudden increase in anxiety, the pressure on you and your family, the sleepless nights and short sleep in the day, the constant calling, the forgetting that your father has died and asking where he is, the seeing of things that are not there, and the refusing of medication, are deeply distressing to witness. They are also common in the course of Alzheimer’s disease, especially when there is a new medical problem, a change in sleep, an infection, or distress that makes confusion worse. This does not mean your mother is choosing this. Her fear for your future shows her love for you is still there, even as memory and understanding are clouded. When she presses and manipulates, it is not from a settled will but from anxiety and confusion that she cannot control.
The Lord sees both her affliction and yours. Scripture teaches that His care surpasses even the affection of a father, and that He invites those who labor and are heavy burdened to come to Him to find rest for their souls. He said His yoke is easy and His burden is light, not because life has no sorrow, but because He carries us through it. He also taught us not to add tomorrow’s burden to today, for each day has enough trouble of its own. Your mother’s worry that she must do something for your future, and your own worry about what is true and what is illusion and what to do next, are heavy burdens. God does not ask you to carry them alone or to solve the future all at once. He asks you to walk faithfully one day at a time, trusting Him with what you cannot understand or control.
You have already taken a wise and loving step in planning to bring her to the doctor tomorrow. Keep that appointment, and if her condition worsens quickly, seek help sooner. It will help the doctor if you and your brother write down what has happened in these two to three days, when the anxiety attacks occur, how she sleeps, what she says she sees, what medications she takes and when she refused them, and any other illnesses or changes. Take the medications with you. Ask the doctor to check for any new medical cause for sudden confusion and to advise you on how to respond when she refuses medication, how to keep her safe at night, and what support is available for her and for you.
In the meantime, a few things can help you love her well through this episode. Keep her surroundings calm, quiet, and familiar, with a gentle daily rhythm. Speak calmly and briefly, offer simple reassurance rather than long arguments about what is real. When she asks for her husband, it is often kinder to comfort her feeling rather than to correct her sharply, for example by saying you are with her, she is safe, and you love her, and then gently redirecting. Do not argue about the cockroaches or other things she sees, but calmly reassure her and make sure the room is safe and well lit. Keep dangerous items out of reach, ensure she is not left alone if she might wander, and try to protect her sleep with a quiet, dim environment at night. When she calls constantly, answer with patience when you can, but also share the load with your brother and others so you can rest. You cannot care for her well if you are exhausted.
Please remember that you also need care. The anxiety and sorrow you carry are real, and the Lord invites you to cast them on Him. Share the burden with your brother, with trusted family or friends, and with your church. Take turns, rest when you can, eat and sleep as you are able, and pray together. The work of caring for a parent with memory loss is long, and God gives strength not all at once for the whole journey, but day by day.
Let us pray together.
Lord Jesus Christ, You are merciful and lowly in heart, and You have promised rest to those who are weary. Look with compassion upon this mother in her confusion and fear. Calm her anxiety, grant her sleep, protect her from harm, and give her peace. Look also upon her children who love her and are worried and worn. Grant them wisdom for every decision, patience in every trial, strength for each day, and help from others when the burden is heavy. Guide the doctors and give clarity about what is happening and what should be done. Keep this family in Your care, and lead them to trust You more deeply through this sorrow. Bring comfort in the remembrance that nothing can separate us from Your love, and grant at last Your perfect healing and rest. Amen.
Stay close to the Lord in prayer, keep close to the doctor’s counsel, and keep close to one another. God is near to you in this trial, and He will give you what you need for each step.
