Silas
Beloved of All
Thank you for sharing your heart so honestly. Feeling hurt and not valued when the man you plan to marry seems to side with his family is a deep pain, and God sees that pain. When one part of the body hurts, the whole body feels it, and the Lord does not look on your hurt indifferently. Scripture shows that God Himself is hurt when His people are hurt and when they walk away from fellowship with Him. He is not waiting to hurt you. That is not the true fear of the Lord. The true fear of the Lord grows from love, not wanting to hurt Him because you love Him and know how much He loves you.
God is for you, not against you. He is not holding back anything that is truly good for you. He wants to give you every good thing, and He wants to keep you from what will bring sorrow and harm in the long run. That is why He tests hearts as silver and gold are refined, to purify and to make what is lasting. He also gives songs in the night when we feel discouraged or oppressed, even when others do not understand our pain.
It is good to pray for your fiance to have a good and wholesome time with his mother and stepfather. Scripture teaches that we have a responsibility to honor and care for our families. At the same time, Scripture teaches that when a man and woman enter marriage they leave their parents and cleave to one another and become one. That leaving and cleaving does not mean dishonoring parents, but it does mean a new primary loyalty is formed. Learning that balance during engagement is important, and it takes honest, humble communication.
Often the thing that keeps families and couples apart is a little pride that keeps us from saying, I am sorry, please forgive me, or I felt hurt when this happened. It is easy to settle for a superficial peace by just saying peace, peace when there is no real peace underneath. God does not want a thin covering over a wound. There is a true healing, a true balm for the hurt, and it comes when we bring the wound into the light before Him and before one another with gentleness and truth.
It would be good to ask the Lord to help you both in this season. Ask Him to help your fiance enjoy his family in a way that honors them, and also to give him understanding eyes to see how his choices affect you and the future you are preparing together. Ask God to help you share your feelings not as an accusation but as an honest expression of how you are experiencing his actions, and to help you both listen well. Pray that neither of you would do anything to hurt the Lord whom you love, but that you would want to please Him in how you speak, how you honor family, and how you prepare for marriage.
As you wait on the Lord, take His promises at face value. He has said He will be with you, He will give wisdom when you ask, and He will work for your good as you trust Him. If feelings of heaviness or discouragement press in, remember that those feelings do not always tell the whole story, and bring them to Him in prayer rather than carrying them alone.
May the Lord comfort you where you feel not valued and remind you that you are deeply valued by Him. May He give your fiance wisdom to love both his family and you well, with honor and clarity. And may He lead you both to build your coming marriage on Jesus Christ alone, keeping yourselves pure and set apart for one another within the covenant of marriage as He designed it, one man and one woman for life, so that your relationship brings joy to Him and lasting good to you both.
Father, I lift this sister to You and her fiance to You. You know the hurt she feels and the desire she has to be valued and heard. You know his love for his family and the time he is spending with them. I pray You would give him a good time with his mother and stepfather that is wholesome and encouraging, and also give him a sensitive heart to understand how his decisions affect the woman he intends to marry. Heal the hurt in her heart, take away any bitterness, and teach them both to speak the truth in love, to humble themselves, to ask forgiveness where needed, and to seek real peace and not just the appearance of it. Refine their hearts, make them more like Jesus, and guide them as they prepare for marriage, that they would honor You in all things and trust Your way as best. Give them songs in the night and hope for the days ahead. In the name of Jesus, Amen.
God is for you, not against you. He is not holding back anything that is truly good for you. He wants to give you every good thing, and He wants to keep you from what will bring sorrow and harm in the long run. That is why He tests hearts as silver and gold are refined, to purify and to make what is lasting. He also gives songs in the night when we feel discouraged or oppressed, even when others do not understand our pain.
It is good to pray for your fiance to have a good and wholesome time with his mother and stepfather. Scripture teaches that we have a responsibility to honor and care for our families. At the same time, Scripture teaches that when a man and woman enter marriage they leave their parents and cleave to one another and become one. That leaving and cleaving does not mean dishonoring parents, but it does mean a new primary loyalty is formed. Learning that balance during engagement is important, and it takes honest, humble communication.
Often the thing that keeps families and couples apart is a little pride that keeps us from saying, I am sorry, please forgive me, or I felt hurt when this happened. It is easy to settle for a superficial peace by just saying peace, peace when there is no real peace underneath. God does not want a thin covering over a wound. There is a true healing, a true balm for the hurt, and it comes when we bring the wound into the light before Him and before one another with gentleness and truth.
It would be good to ask the Lord to help you both in this season. Ask Him to help your fiance enjoy his family in a way that honors them, and also to give him understanding eyes to see how his choices affect you and the future you are preparing together. Ask God to help you share your feelings not as an accusation but as an honest expression of how you are experiencing his actions, and to help you both listen well. Pray that neither of you would do anything to hurt the Lord whom you love, but that you would want to please Him in how you speak, how you honor family, and how you prepare for marriage.
As you wait on the Lord, take His promises at face value. He has said He will be with you, He will give wisdom when you ask, and He will work for your good as you trust Him. If feelings of heaviness or discouragement press in, remember that those feelings do not always tell the whole story, and bring them to Him in prayer rather than carrying them alone.
May the Lord comfort you where you feel not valued and remind you that you are deeply valued by Him. May He give your fiance wisdom to love both his family and you well, with honor and clarity. And may He lead you both to build your coming marriage on Jesus Christ alone, keeping yourselves pure and set apart for one another within the covenant of marriage as He designed it, one man and one woman for life, so that your relationship brings joy to Him and lasting good to you both.
Father, I lift this sister to You and her fiance to You. You know the hurt she feels and the desire she has to be valued and heard. You know his love for his family and the time he is spending with them. I pray You would give him a good time with his mother and stepfather that is wholesome and encouraging, and also give him a sensitive heart to understand how his decisions affect the woman he intends to marry. Heal the hurt in her heart, take away any bitterness, and teach them both to speak the truth in love, to humble themselves, to ask forgiveness where needed, and to seek real peace and not just the appearance of it. Refine their hearts, make them more like Jesus, and guide them as they prepare for marriage, that they would honor You in all things and trust Your way as best. Give them songs in the night and hope for the days ahead. In the name of Jesus, Amen.
