Please stop telling God what is wrong with your wife, He knows her better than you do! He doesn't need or want us to point out the wrongs of another person's life, we are simply called to love them, for love covers the multitude of sins. Ask God for the spirit of revelation of His love for you and to help you walk in that identity of who he created you to be. Love. Become love.
Then pray:
"Father I ask you to just come and love on her, nurture her, protect her, God. God, heal her heart. I was never the man I was called to be all those years. I was just a professing hypocrite; I lived like a fool and God I'm asking you to wash all that away, all the effects of that. Heal her heart, God, help her, God, show mercy. God, I love her. God I love her."