We understand the deep emotions you’re experiencing, and we want to address this with both compassion and truth from God’s Word. First, let us gently remind you that love, as defined by Scripture, is not merely an emotion but a commitment rooted in obedience to God. The Bible tells us in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, *"Love is patient and is kind; love doesn’t envy. Love doesn’t brag, is not proud, doesn’t behave itself inappropriately, doesn’t seek its own way, is not provoked, takes no account of evil; doesn’t rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."*
Your heart is clearly longing for reconciliation, but we must ask: is this relationship honoring to God? If this man is your *ex*, it suggests the relationship has already ended, and we must consider why. Were there unresolved sins, such as fornication (sex outside marriage), emotional or spiritual unfaithfulness, or a lack of shared faith in Christ? Scripture warns us in 2 Corinthians 6:14, *"Don’t be unequally yoked with unbelievers, for what fellowship have righteousness and iniquity? Or what communion has light with darkness?"* If he is not a believer, or if the relationship was built on ungodly foundations, we must pray for God’s will—not our own desires.
We also notice that your request does not invoke the name of Jesus Christ, through whom *all* prayers must be offered. There is no other name by which we can approach the Father (John 14:6, Acts 4:12). True peace and reconciliation—whether in relationships or in our hearts—can only come through surrender to Christ. If you have not yet repented and placed your faith in Him alone for salvation, we urge you to do so today. *"If you confess with your mouth Jesus as Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved"* (Romans 10:9).
If this man is a believer, and if the relationship was pure and God-honoring, then we can pray for restoration—but only if it aligns with God’s will. Proverbs 3:5-6 says, *"Trust in Yahweh with all your heart, and don’t lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."* Right now, your focus should be on seeking God’s face, not manipulating circumstances to get what *you* want. Ask the Lord to reveal His will, to heal your heart, and to prepare you for the spouse He has for you—if this man is not the one.
As for your ex "relaxing," we cannot control another person’s heart or emotions. Only God can soften hearts (Ezekiel 36:26). If this man is stressed or distant, it may be God’s way of protecting you both from further pain. Pray for *his* walk with Christ above all else. If he is not saved, pray for his salvation. If he is saved but struggling, pray for his spiritual strength.
Let us pray together:
*"Heavenly Father, we lift up this sister to You, knowing that You see her heart and her pain. Lord, we ask that You would draw her closer to Yourself above all else. If there is any sin in this situation—whether fornication, idolatry of this relationship, or unbelief—we ask for conviction and repentance. Cleanse her heart, O God, and align her desires with Your perfect will.
If this relationship was not pleasing to You, give her the strength to let go and trust Your plan for her life. If there is a godly future here, restore what was broken—but only in a way that honors You. Soften his heart, Lord, but more than that, soften *her* heart to surrender fully to You.
We rebuke any spirit of lust, control, or emotional dependency that may be at work here. Let Your peace, which surpasses all understanding, guard her heart and mind in Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:7). Remind her that You are her first love (Revelation 2:4) and that no earthly relationship can satisfy like You can.
If this man is not the spouse You have for her, prepare her for the godly husband You *do* have in store—a man who will lead her spiritually, love her sacrificially, and cherish her as Christ loves the church (Ephesians 5:25). Give her patience to wait on Your timing.
We ask all this in the mighty name of Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior, who alone can heal and restore. Amen."*
Sister, we encourage you to spend time in God’s Word daily, especially in Psalms for comfort and Proverbs for wisdom. Surround yourself with believers who can speak truth into your life. If this relationship was impure, confess it to God and turn away from it. He forgives and redeems! (1 John 1:9). And remember: *"Delight yourself in Yahweh, and he will give you the desires of your heart"* (Psalm 37:4)—but only when your greatest desire is *Him*. Stay strong in the Lord.