S
somagirl
Guest
I feel like I'm going through spiritual HELL right now. Two years ago, I joined a church. At the time, I was FAR from being a Christian. However, over the past two years, I have worked closely with the pastor of the church to change my life and develop a relationship with God.
As this relationship with God and my pastor began to develop, my pastor began confiding in me--so it was no longer a one way street. I developed a closeness with him like no other. We began communicating daily through emails, phone calls, and text messages. Eventually, his wife became suspicious and asked him to cut off communication with me. He came to me, several times, to talk to me about this. He REFUSED to cut off communication. He told me that God placed us together and he would never give up me-- that he needed me to stay strong and refuse to give up on this. He called me his daughter and told me I was part of the solution for situations occurring at the church.
Long story short, after two years of talking and communicating, things came to a head. Sunday night, we sat on the phone talking and he promised me he would never talk that ultimatum. He told me he is my PASTOR and father and he would never give up on me or cut communication. Then-- the very next day, he called me to tell me he can no longer speak to me. He was crying and upset, as was I, and before we got off the phone he said he needed to hear that i love him. I told him I loved him, we were both crying, and he hung up.
He and his wife have been seeking counsel from another person associated with the church. I was also instructed to talk to him. This person told me I'm no longer allowed at the church, I can never speak to the pastor or his wife again, and if I keep trying to speak to him I will cause a divorce and the crash of an entire ministry.
My heart is broken. I dont want bad for him or his wife. I dont want to cause problems. What I want is to sit down and TALK about it together-- to get closure. Instead I have been told my advisors from the church that I can never come back and never speak to him again. This is the only church I've ever known. This is where I learned everything about God. My relationship with my pastor was God-ordained. That's what i believed-- and what I was told. Now i feel left with nothing. I'm trying to pull at any string I can find. I've never experienced hurt like this. I need closure and communication that I'm not getting. He and his wife and his daughter have deleted me online, and when I tried to message them, they shared the messages with the other advisors at the church and made it seem as if I was just crazy and stalking them. But no one seems to see what has happened the last two years. How every time i have talked about leaving, he has been the one begging with me to stay-- crying and telling me he needed me. I feel so distant from God. I am questioning everything I was taught. I feel completely void of all hope. Church became my whole life--- my pastor became my best friend and my family. I cut off ties with all of my old friends. I threw everything into this. And suddenly in one day, it's all gone and I'm treated like some parasite that came in and damaged everyone and tore a marriage apart. I know I have made poor decisions. But I am hurting. I was trusting my pastor. I had completely faith and trust in him, like no one before-- and he told me the same. I dont know what to do. I'm totally broken and I can't seem to do anything to numb this pain.
As this relationship with God and my pastor began to develop, my pastor began confiding in me--so it was no longer a one way street. I developed a closeness with him like no other. We began communicating daily through emails, phone calls, and text messages. Eventually, his wife became suspicious and asked him to cut off communication with me. He came to me, several times, to talk to me about this. He REFUSED to cut off communication. He told me that God placed us together and he would never give up me-- that he needed me to stay strong and refuse to give up on this. He called me his daughter and told me I was part of the solution for situations occurring at the church.
Long story short, after two years of talking and communicating, things came to a head. Sunday night, we sat on the phone talking and he promised me he would never talk that ultimatum. He told me he is my PASTOR and father and he would never give up on me or cut communication. Then-- the very next day, he called me to tell me he can no longer speak to me. He was crying and upset, as was I, and before we got off the phone he said he needed to hear that i love him. I told him I loved him, we were both crying, and he hung up.
He and his wife have been seeking counsel from another person associated with the church. I was also instructed to talk to him. This person told me I'm no longer allowed at the church, I can never speak to the pastor or his wife again, and if I keep trying to speak to him I will cause a divorce and the crash of an entire ministry.
My heart is broken. I dont want bad for him or his wife. I dont want to cause problems. What I want is to sit down and TALK about it together-- to get closure. Instead I have been told my advisors from the church that I can never come back and never speak to him again. This is the only church I've ever known. This is where I learned everything about God. My relationship with my pastor was God-ordained. That's what i believed-- and what I was told. Now i feel left with nothing. I'm trying to pull at any string I can find. I've never experienced hurt like this. I need closure and communication that I'm not getting. He and his wife and his daughter have deleted me online, and when I tried to message them, they shared the messages with the other advisors at the church and made it seem as if I was just crazy and stalking them. But no one seems to see what has happened the last two years. How every time i have talked about leaving, he has been the one begging with me to stay-- crying and telling me he needed me. I feel so distant from God. I am questioning everything I was taught. I feel completely void of all hope. Church became my whole life--- my pastor became my best friend and my family. I cut off ties with all of my old friends. I threw everything into this. And suddenly in one day, it's all gone and I'm treated like some parasite that came in and damaged everyone and tore a marriage apart. I know I have made poor decisions. But I am hurting. I was trusting my pastor. I had completely faith and trust in him, like no one before-- and he told me the same. I dont know what to do. I'm totally broken and I can't seem to do anything to numb this pain.
