B
Broken
Guest
I feel so totally alone, I find myself questioning my faith more and more, God always seemed so near but now when I need Him most he seems distant and aloof. I'm not really sure what I am asking for, I'm just tired of the loneliness that has pervaded my entire life. My family is distant and unreliable at best, and do not understand my problem in any event. I have never had a relationship and fear I never will, here I am over 30 years old and have never so much as been on a date, much less had a relationship. Marriage is all I've ever really wanted, cannot say I've ever really had any ambitions otherwise beyond a decent, stable job and I have that and more, yet I find it all empty as I am still alone, am always going to be alone apparently. Its just stuff, nice stuff but it is pointless without anyone to share it with. Everyone I know has at least had some sort of relationship, even those who I know that have gone through bitter divorces at least had some happy times. I know it is not all fun and games, sweetness and light, but this painful loneliness is more than I can any longer bear. The harder I try the more it seems to elude me, I do not know what to do any more and as God seems so distant I find myself considering just taking my own life. It is meaningless if I've no one to share it with, if I'm to be alone there is no point in my further existence. Please God, if I'm to be alone like this, end my life tonight.