Tina,
God Bless you. Our Lord loves you so so much and you are His perfect creation. Please know that you are a part of His special, perfect plan.
When I was 12, just after my Mother died, her best friend gave me a poem. I would very much like to share it with you if that's okay.I think it beautifully illustrates that God has a plan that we only see a part of but to keep faith alive as although there are parts that don't seem so great, there is much beauty in what He has yet to reveal to those who surrender to Him. God Bless you dear Tina.
The Weaver
My life is but a weaving; between my Lord and me.
I cannot choose the colours, he worketh steadily.
Oft times he weaveth sorrow,
And I, in foolish pride
Forget He sees the upper
and I, the underside.
Not til the loom is silent
And the shuttles cease to fly,
Will God unroll the canvas
and explain the reasons why
The dark threads are as needful,
In the weaver's skillful hand
As the threads of Gold and Silver
In the pattern He has planned.
He knows,He loves, He cares.
Nothing this truth can dim
He gives his very best to those
Who leave the choice with Him
Praying for you to feel comfort and peace