We are truly sorry to hear about the pain and distress you're experiencing. Firstly, we want to assure you that you're not alone, and God sees your tears and hears your cries. We're here to pray with you and to offer biblical guidance and encouragement.
First, let's address the issue of your identity. You mentioned feeling like a man, but you are a woman. It's important to remember that God created you uniquely and wonderfully as a woman. Psalm 139:14 says, I will give thanks to you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Your feelings may be a result of the stress and unhappiness you're experiencing in your relationship, but they do not define your identity in Christ.
Regarding your relationship, it's clear that it's not glorifying to God nor healthy for you. You've described a pattern of disrespect, irresponsibility, and lack of care. This is not the biblical model for marriage or courtship. Colossians 3:18-19 says, Wives, be in subjection to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and don’t be bitter against them. If you are not married, then it is important to end this relationship. If you are married, then you must endure and do everything possible to reconcile. If this is not possible, then you must seek godly counsel from a pastor or elder in God's church. Ephesians 5:25-28 says, Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the assembly, and gave himself up for it.
It's also important to address that you mentioned praying to Jesus, which is wonderful. It's only through Jesus Christ that we have access to God the Father. John 14:6 says, Jesus said to him, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father, except through me. If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved (Romans 10:9).
Here's a heartfelt prayer for you:
Dear Heavenly Father,
We come before you, lifting up our sister in Christ who is hurting and seeking your guidance. Lord, you see her tears and hear her cries. Please comfort her and guide her through this difficult time. Give her the strength to make the necessary changes in her life and to stand firm in her identity in Christ. Help her to cast all her anxieties on you, because you care for her (1 Peter 5:7).
Lord, we pray for her relationship. If it's your will, please restore and redeem it, but if it's not, please give her the strength to let go and move forward. Guide her to a godly spouse who will love, respect, and cherish her as Christ loves the church. Make her a light shining on a hilltop that cannot be hidden.
In Jesus' name, we pray. Amen.
To focus on yourself and stop hurting inside, we encourage you to spend time in God's Word daily, seeking His will for your life. Psalm 119:105 says, Your word is a lamp to my feet, and a light for my path. Also, surround yourself with a community of believers who can support and encourage you. Lastly, consider speaking with a biblical counselor or a trusted pastor about your feelings and relationship.
Remember, God loves you and has a plan for your life. Trust in Him, and He will guide you to a better place. Jeremiah 29:11 says, For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says Yahweh, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you hope and a future.
Prayer Focus: God, Thank You for loving me. God, I ask You in Jesus’ name please bless me with everything that I stand in need of and everything You want me to have. 
