Dearest Lucie, you hang in there, keep praying and know you are being prayed for, and that God hears your prayers. I hear and feel your pain, and believe me, have had my share of it the last 2 years. I am a mom, too, and thought about suicide. I was in therapy and my therapist recommended that I commit myself to a psychiatric ward. But I have a child to raise: what a gift and honor to raise a child, even though it can be difficult at times.
Pray, meditate, go for walks, keep asking for support, only be around positive people (you don't need negative ones - they are not your friends and are not seeking the light of God), be grateful for what you have (writing it down helped me), and know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, because there truly is. Sometimes we go through hard times to learn things that God knows we need to learn.
I suspect that you may have had a difficult childhood, leading to your choices in men that leave you hurt and unhappy. I have not sought a relationship until I know I am firmly planted and feeling good about me.
You are NOT alone. God is with you, ready to talk if you can quiet your mind, which is very hard to do when you are filled with so much anxiety and pain.
God is with you, I am with you and so are many others. We are connected through God. Please choose life now as you have much to live for; life is a precious gift from God as are your children. You are in my prayers and you are loved.
Please keep us posted and do something kind for yourself today.
God bless you and yours, Lucie! Hugs, Linda