Anonymous
Beloved of All
I am hoping someone here will pray for me. God has never listened to me. I'm sorry this is going to be long. My birthday is in a few days. I will be 44. I still don't know why I am here. I have been praying for death since I was 14, so this marks the 30th year. I have tried to do things with my life, but I fail at everything I do. 4 people in this world love me, and I am forever grateful for them. They are my husband, 2 daughters, and mother in law. I am estranged from my family, and my father's side is mostly deceased. I have lost all of my friends because my life is so horrible that I didn't want to be around anyone if all I would do is bring them down. I want this to be over!! I want to die! No! I don't want to die, I just want to live a 'normal' life. I want to pay bills on time like a normal person, and not have to deal with what I call "the crisis of the day" everyday. I have come to the conclusion that God wants me to commit suicide. That must be my fate. I am also told that I have bad karma from past lives (it doesn't seem to matter what type of person I am now), and that is why I must suffer so there is no hope. I don't know, I have no answers other than that God hates me. The only reason I'm bothering to write this is because (as usual) I am hoping something will get better. I seem to be stuck here for the long term, unless I do something myself, and I don't want to do that. I also already know that I need counseling, but we have no insurance, and make too much money for assistance (story of my life), and I cannot afford even small payments. Its hopeless.
