Anonymous
Beloved of All
My husband has issues with addiction. He constantly wants to be high. He denies it. A week ago he got sick, and I asked him to try to make sure our baby didn’t get sick. He ignored me and took no precautions. Our baby got sick. She screamed and cried for 5 days because she couldn’t eat or sleep since she couldn’t breathe. I didn’t get to sleep for 4 days straight and he wouldn’t help me at all. He just kept saying he helps by going to work. I begged him to just hold her for a few minutes so I could just rest without screaming and he started calling me a name and saying “she wants you [name]”. Yesterday he was drinking and playing video games the entire day while I tried getting our baby comfortable. I had to hold her down while she screamed and she cried and it hurt me to see her so upset and uncomfortable, my eyes got teary. We needed groceries for the week. He doesn’t let me go to the store alone and our baby was sleeping. He went to the store and was getting angry about the list of food we needed. He was getting upset that he “couldn’t find anything” on the list and “the list was too long”. The dishes have been sitting in the sink since last week since my baby wouldn’t let me do literally anything as she was sick. The laundry piled high, the house is a huge mess, he spent the entire day playing video games and getting drunk. In the middle of all this, he said he needed sex. I was sick too. He didn’t care and he got what he wanted. I didn’t want him to turn over so he could mess with my anus because I don’t like it and he got angry. Yesterday, after he got home from the store, he asked me if he got everything. He missed a lot of items, and bought rotten avocados that we can’t use. Many of the items were for our baby to eat. I said you forgot some things and he got extremely angry told me he can never do anything right and all I do is complain and I’m never happy, he called me names, a dumb person, he flipped me off and he doesn’t love me anymore. All of this with our baby in my arms. He told me to get out and leave at 10 pm and he doesn’t love me anymore, then he went on a long rant about how I’m not his soulmate, I don’t let him do whatever he wants sexually so I must not love him (anal sex. He says because I did it a decade ago with a boyfriend that I have to let him do it or I don’t love him. He’s obsessed with my teenage boyfriend, constantly insulting me and harassing me about how I loved him and was so much more sexual with him. I stopped dating that person 5 years before I even met my now husband and was celibate for 3 years before I met my husband. I have hemorrhoids since giving birth and I don’t like anal sex and I never liked it and I don’t want to do it) and an entire long rant of complaining and yelling and harassing me in front of our baby. He said I am a bad mother because I got upset that she screamed for days with no help and because I got upset that I had to hold her down to suction her nose and other mothers’ babies get sick and I should be able to deal with it. I called him a loser for treating me this way in front of our daughter and he flipped out and said I’m a plebian and a lower member of society because he has a doctorate and I don’t and he works out 5 days a week and goes to work so he’s not a loser. He harassed me all night and said he doesn’t want to be with me anymore. He says I complain when he wants sex, because I was annoyed he wanted sex on day 3 of our screaming baby with no help and no sleep. He still got it but only what I was comfortable with. All he says over and over again is that he works so he can’t and shouldn’t do ANYTHING else, ever. He said he wants a divorce and if I don’t agree he will just ignore me. Earlier in the day I had to beg him to stop screaming random things at his video games because he was waking her up. After our baby got to sleep, he came in and started drunkenly throwing pillows and the remote and woke her up. This was devastating because she has been suffering for so long without sleep. He said I can go get a job and he’ll pay a thousand a month in child support if I go F off and he’s not working for someone who hates him and won’t let him do whatever he wants in bed “like I used to”. He tries to shove my legs up to my chest and insert himself as deep as possible and it hurts ever since I gave birth so I don’t allow that either. He doesn’t care about me or our child and doesn’t like when I tell him that. He got even angrier and wouldn’t stop messaging me hateful messages. Then he got angry it was 2 am and he had to work today. I feel so numb I don’t even know what to do. I am here, I have a baby, I moved with him to the middle of nowhere for his job. All my family is 15 hours or more away. I know NOBODY here. It gets freezing at night so we can’t leave. I have no job or money and there’s no work here. I don’t know what to do anymore I don’t want to be in pain and uncomfortable or violated during sex and I don’t want to be verbally abused. I can’t make him stop drinking or using marijuana, I can’t make him help occasionally with our baby. I feel my situation is hopeless. I feel the worst for having a baby with him, she doesn’t deserve to watch her mom be abused by her father.

Prayer Focus: God, Thank You for loving me. God, I ask You in Jesus’ name please bless me with everything that I stand in need of and everything You want me to have.