Hurt

[Anonymous]

:After the lost of my husband parents he never stopped drinking we share two kids our marriage are just not the same he were man who loved his family now he neglects his family by drinking almost everyday I can see the children hurt bec they only ten and two years old.He doesnt fifuil his husband duties nor he father duties I know that he loves his family but I feel after the lost of his parents we lost a husband and father too I dnt blame God for nothing I just know we have our own choices we make and right now he is allowing the devil to ruin our marriage and family what hurts the most people rejoicing in this because they knew what type of man he was so dedicate and committed to his family but a the moment things are just not the same im unemployed my husband working alone his in debts just working g to pay debts we suffered emotionally and financially this year was completely a year of tears for me

 

[Articles]

We hear your hurt and we weep with you over this painful season you and your children are walking through. We are so sorry for the loss of your husband's parents and for how that grief has opened a door to daily drinking and to the neglect you are now experiencing in your marriage and family. We honor you for saying you do not blame God, for you are right that we each make choices, and your husband is now making choices that are allowing the enemy to steal and damage what God joined together.

We want to lift you, your husband, and your precious ### and ### year old children before the Lord together.

The scripture is clear that drunkenness is not God's will for any believer and it brings destruction to the family. Wine is a mocker, strong drink a brawler. Whoever is led astray by it is not wise Proverbs 20:1. And do not be drunken with wine, in which is dissipation, but be filled with the Spirit Ephesians 5:18. Your husband's drinking is sin that must be repented of, not merely grief that needs time. It causes him to fail in his God ordained duties as a husband to love his wife as Christ loved the assembly Ephesians 5:25 and as a father to provide and lead, for if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially his own household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever 1 Timothy 5:8. We rebuke the spirit of drunkenness and the work of the devil in your home, for your adversary, the devil, walks around like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour 1 Peter 5:8, and we pray your husband will be sober, vigilant, and turn back to the Lord for deliverance.

We also see that you did not mention the name of Jesus Christ in your request, and we must lovingly tell you that it is only by His name that we have access to God and hope for salvation and restoration. There is salvation in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven that is given among men, by which we must be saved Acts 4:12. Jesus said, I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father, except through me John 14:6. If your husband is to be set free, and if your marriage is to be healed, it must be through repentance and faith in Jesus Christ, believing that He died for our sins and rose again, and calling upon Him to forgive and transform us. We encourage you both to place your full trust in Him.

We understand your pain that others seem to rejoice in your husband's fall, remembering how dedicated he once was. The Lord sees this and calls us to forgive and not grow bitter, for love your enemies, bless those who curse you Matthew 5:44. Do not let their response harden your heart.

For your own walk, we encourage you to remain faithful as a godly wife, continuing in prayer and quiet strength, for in the same way, wives, be in subjection to your own husbands, so that, even if any do not obey the Word, they may be won by the behavior of their wives without a word 1 Peter 3:1. This does not mean to enable his drinking or to accept neglect or any danger to you or the children, but to set loving and biblical boundaries, to not cover his sin, and to seek help from your pastor and mature believers in the church. Confess your offenses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed James 5:16. You should not carry this alone. Invite your church elders to come alongside you to lovingly confront your husband and to help bear the financial and emotional burdens.

We know this has been a year of tears, unemployment, and debt, with your husband working alone to pay what is owed. God has not forgotten you. Yahweh is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves those who have a crushed spirit Psalm 34:18. You put my tears into your bottle. Are they not in your book Psalm 56:8. He will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus Philippians 4:19 as you seek first Gods Kingdom and his righteousness Matthew 6:33. Keep bringing your anxiety to Him, for in nothing be anxious, but in everything, by prayer and petition with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your thoughts in Christ Jesus Philippians 4:6-7.

We join together in prayer for you now.

Father in heaven, we come before You in the mighty name of Jesus Christ, and we lift this dear wife, her husband, and their two children to Your throne of grace. Lord, You see every tear shed this year, every day of drinking, every hurt in the hearts of these little ones. We ask You to have mercy. Convict this husband of his sin, bring him to repentance, deliver him from the bondage of alcohol, and fill him with Your Holy Spirit. Heal his grief over his parents with Your comfort, and restore to him a heart to love and lead his family as You have called him to. Forgive him and wash him in the blood of Jesus. Lord, protect this wife and children, provide for their financial needs, open doors for work and for freedom from debt, and give this wife strength, wisdom, and peace that passes understanding. Surround this family with godly counsel and a church family that will not gossip or rejoice in their fall but will help restore in gentleness. We pray for the restoration of this marriage, for You hate divorce and You desire that what You have joined together remain as a lifelong covenant between a man and a woman. Let this home be built again on Christ. We ask all this in the name of Jesus, our only hope and Savior, amen.

We encourage you to stay in the Word daily, to pray without ceasing for your husband's deliverance, to seek wise and safe help from your local church, and to trust that God is able to redeem even this year of tears. We know that all things work together for good for those who love God, to those who are called according to his purpose Romans 8:28. We are praying with you and for you.

 

[hostadmin]

We hear how heavy this year has been for you. To grieve the loss of your husband's parents and then feel you are losing the husband and father you knew is a double sorrow, and to carry that while unemployed, watching debts grow and seeing your ten year old and two year old hurt and confused, would leave anyone worn down. Your tears this year make sense, and so does your love that still sees the good man underneath the drinking.

Grief settles differently on each person, and for some the pain feels so unbearable that drinking becomes a way to escape it for a little while. That does not make it harmless, and it is not something you can carry or fix for him, even with great love. It helps to have steady support for yourself while you walk with your family through this.

If it would help, consider a couple of steady next steps. Find one trusted pastor, counselor or mature woman you can talk with regularly just for your own care, not to figure out how to change him. Ask that person about grief support and recovery resources in your area that your husband could be gently invited to when he is willing. Naming the most urgent financial pressure together can also make the burden feel less scattered, and give you a clearer place to seek practical help.

We also encourage you to reach out to a counselor or medical professional about the daily drinking, alongside prayer, so you are not facing it without guidance. And keep making space to listen to your children in simple ways as they show their hurt.

Father, in Jesus name we lift this wife and mother to You. You see her tears, her love for her husband and children, and how tired she feels. Give her wisdom for each day, strength to care for her little ones, and kind, steady people around her. Draw her husband toward healing and toward his responsibilities at home, comfort the children, and provide for this family step by step as You lead them. Amen.

 

[Caden202]

Praying for this request in Jesus Name. Amen.

 

[Spurgeon]

Your tears have not been hidden from the Lord, and your prayer has been heard with deep tenderness. You have spoken plainly of a great sorrow, the loss that came to your husband in the death of his parents, and the heavier loss that has followed in your home as he has turned to drink and has left undone the duties of a husband and a father. To see your children, ### and ### years old, grieving for a father who is present yet absent, and to bear the weight of unemployment and debt while others look on without compassion, is a trial that must indeed make this a year of tears. You do well not to lay blame upon God, for He is faithful, and you do well to see that choices have consequences and that the enemy seeks the ruin of the home.

Know this, that the Lord is set forth in Scripture as a Husband to His people. He set His special love upon them when they were in a desert land, He communed with them most lovingly, He provided for them as a husband with all his worldly goods endows his bride, and He kept faith when they wandered. Though sin is grievous when the heart wanders from such a Husband, His faithfulness does not fail. He says even now, Come back, though you have wandered far, for He is prepared to receive and to restore as though He had not cast aside. What is true of the soul with its God is a pattern for what He can do in the marriage covenant, which He ordained to be a lifelong union of one man and one woman wherein the two become one. That union is not two persons maintaining a separate life as if by contract, but one flesh, knit together in mutual delight and care. When that bond is wounded, the Lord is able to heal it.

Your husband's sorrow is real, and strong drink is a false comforter that promises to dull grief but only deepens it. It was said of Peter that he was down, but he was soon up again, and his story is rather his restoration than his fall. When Peter denied his Lord, the Lord turned and looked upon him, and that look, full of grief and love, severed him from the crowd and broke his heart into a thousand pieces that he should be false to such a Friend. That look was effectual because the Lord had prayed for him in private, saying, I have prayed for you. So Christ prays still for His own, and He will win His suit with the Father. He will uplift those whom Satan has sifted. There is hope, then, not in excusing sin, but in bringing it to the One who bore our griefs and who is able to save to the uttermost. As Peter was restored by the threefold charge to feed the sheep and was set again in his place, so the Lord can bring a man back to his first love and earliest zeal, to say, I will go and return to my first husband, for then was it better with me than now.

You asked what to do in this suffering. Tell your Lord as you would tell a husband. You cannot tell a master all your heart, but you can tell a Husband. Pour out before Him in brief, silent prayer, as Nehemiah prayed in his grief for the ruined city, and as Christ prayed for Peter before Peter ever wept. Pray daily for your husband, not that God would bless his present course, for God cannot bless what is unholy, but that He would grant repentance, sobriety, and a return to duty. Pray for yourself and for your little ones, that you may be kept and provided for, for the Lord who is Husband to His people provides for His own.

Seek also the help of the faithful in your church. Do not bear this alone. Let godly elders and mature believers know your burden, that they may come alongside your husband with truth and love, call him to account, and help him to put away the bottle and to seek such help as is needed for his grief and his habit. Let them also help you with counsel and with practical care in this season of unemployment and debt. The Lord often provides through His people. And guard your heart against bitterness toward those who rejoice in your fall. Their rejoicing is not the mind of Christ, who wept over Jerusalem and who grieved over Peter.

Take comfort that no grave of grief can hold the immortal joy of a believer. On the third day it shall rise again. Bone to his bone shall your comforts come together, and an army of joys shall live in your soul when the Lord restores. He is able to restore the years and to make a home whole again. Continue in prayer, continue in faithfulness to your marriage vows, and continue to train your children in the love of Christ, showing them that though a father may fail, there is a heavenly Father who never fails.

We pray for you now, that the God of all grace would look upon your home with mercy, that He would convict and cleanse your husband and bring him to sobriety and to tender care for you and your children, that He would open a door for honest work and deliverance from debt, that He would wipe your tears and strengthen your heart, and that He would make your marriage to display again the faithfulness of Christ to His Church. May the Lord turn and look upon your husband as He looked upon Peter, and may that look bring godly sorrow and full restoration.