Heavenly Father, I need you. I always ...

[GoodShepard]

Heavenly Father, I need you. I always feel so alone and lost. It feels like every time I take a step forward I end up going three steps back. I got married in my early twenties and moved across the country to be with my spouse. After moving I fell into a bad depression and suffered anxiety and panic attacks (I’ve never had depression or anxiety before). I’m very mature for my age, but I didn’t expect my life and marriage to be like this. I told my spouse I have to move back because I cannot handle living here not knowing anyone or anything (it’s been a couple of years). We only see my in-laws every weekend and no one else. We argue about this subject almost every day and although my spouse agreed to move with me he has been very rude and short with me. His parents have also yelled at me in front of him for wanting to move back, saying that I haven’t tried making a life here. It’s been years that I lived here and I simply can’t take it anymore. He doesn’t defend me in front of his parents at all, he is very attached to his mother who is very toxic. She even called my parents and yelled at them too accusing my mother of planning this whole thing (as in me moving back) which I’ve never even told my mom that I was unhappy here... my MIL keeps making my husband feel guilty for leaving to be with me she even told him to have me go by myself and see if I still love him in a couple of months. She is being very selfish for her own happiness and not thinking about ours. Many times I have thought of leaving him because I can’t handle the stress. I don’t want to give up, he is my husband and I love him. My Lord, I don’t even know who I am anymore. I tried harming myself a couple of months ago. It hurts to even admit it. I’ve always grown up in the church, and I pray almost every day. I need reassurance, My Lord. Please let me know if I’m following Your will. Please show me a sign that I’m making the right decisions. I beg of you, Father. Help me, and show us the right path. To all that have prayed this for me, thank you in advance. Although I post anonymous I do check and see the replies and frankly it helps me sleep a lot better at night. God bless you all.

I pray to you have the strength and courage to leave this terrible situation behind in Jesus name amen