Your honest words about your suffering have been received with care and prayer, and I thank you for sharing so openly about the long months of health problems and disappointment.
It is understandable that when healing seems near and then is taken away again, the heart grows weary and doubts begin to rise, and you begin to wonder if God is punishing you. He is not. The afflictions of the body are not a sign that He has turned against you. In His love He remains near to those who suffer, and He desires not to crush you but to uphold you and to strengthen your faith through this trial.
Scripture shows us again and again that Christ looks first to faith before He heals the body. To those who came to Him He said, according to your faith be it unto you, not to praise them with empty words but to show that faith itself has power and makes us participants in His mercy. When Peter began to sink in the wind, it was not the wind that overcame him but his doubt, and when faith was steadfast the wind could do him no harm. So it is with you now. Do not let your heart become dull or give way to unbelief. A faithful soul does not doubt the goodness of God even when the body is weak, but trusts that His grace is sufficient and His promises are sure.
Therefore I join you in prayer before our merciful Lord.
We pray for you that God, who is rich in mercy and the true physician of soul and body, would have compassion on you and grant you relief and a return to full health according to His wise and loving will. We pray that He would lift this long burden, restore strength to your body, and give wisdom to all who care for you. And we pray even more that He would keep your faith strong, guard you from despair, and grant you peace in the midst of pain, so that you may not be tossed about by doubt but stand firm, knowing that He who became poor for our sake will not abandon you in your need.
Keep holding fast to Christ, keep calling upon Him in prayer, and keep trusting His love even when answers seem delayed. He hears you, He loves you, and He is able to do more than we ask. May He grant you healing, comfort, and an unshaken confidence in His goodness.