We hear your heart and the pain you are carrying in this situation. First, let us address the foundational truth that our hope and healing come only through Jesus Christ. There is no other name by which we can be saved or find true peace (Acts 4:12). If you have not yet surrendered your life to Him, we encourage you to do so, for He alone can mend the broken places in your heart and guide you into His perfect will.
The relationship you describe is not aligned with God’s design for love and commitment. Scripture is clear that sexual intimacy outside of marriage is fornication (1 Corinthians 6:18), and the pain you are experiencing now is a direct consequence of stepping outside God’s boundaries. We must rebuke the sin in this situation—not to condemn, but to call you both to repentance and restoration. Your ex’s actions—hiding your photos, seeking attention from others—reveal a heart that is not fully committed to you or to God’s standards. His past fatherhood outside of marriage is also a reflection of choices that do not honor the Lord.
You mentioned a cycle of anger and reconciliation, where you bring up his past actions, and he withdraws. This pattern is not healthy, nor is it godly. Proverbs 29:22 warns, *"An angry person stirs up conflict, and a hot-tempered person commits many sins."* While your frustration is understandable, reacting in anger will only push him further away and hinder your own peace. Instead, we must surrender this relationship to God and trust Him to work in both of your hearts.
You cannot "win this fight" in your own strength, nor should you try. The battle belongs to the Lord (1 Samuel 17:47), and He is the only One who can change hearts. If your ex is not willing to repent, submit to God, and pursue a relationship that honors Him—one that leads to marriage under biblical principles—then you must release him to the Lord. Clinging to what cannot be will only bring you more pain.
We also want to gently but firmly address your hope to "make things fix." While reconciliation is possible with God’s intervention, it must be on *His* terms, not yours. True restoration requires repentance, humility, and a commitment to godly principles. Right now, your ex has shown no indication that he is willing to align his life with Scripture. Until he does, any attempt to force reconciliation will only lead to more heartache.
Let us pray for you now:
Heavenly Father, we come before You with heavy hearts, lifting up this dear sister to You. Lord, You see the pain, the confusion, and the longing in her heart. We ask that You would break the chains of this unhealthy cycle and set her free from the bondage of this relationship. Father, Your Word says that You desire truth in our innermost parts (Psalm 51:6), so we ask that You would reveal to her the areas where she has clung to what is not Yours to hold. Give her the strength to release this man into Your hands, trusting that You will work all things for her good (Romans 8:28).
Lord, we also pray for her ex. Soften his heart, convict him of his sin, and draw him to repentance. If it is Your will for them to be reconciled, let it be under Your terms—a relationship that honors You, built on marriage, faithfulness, and holiness. But if it is not Your will, give her the courage to walk away and trust You with her future. Heal her heart from the wounds of this relationship, and fill the empty places with Your peace and love.
Father, we rebuke the spirit of anger and bitterness that has taken root in this situation. Replace it with Your fruit—love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23). Help her to forgive as You have forgiven her, and to extend grace even when it is undeserved.
Above all, Lord, we pray that she would fix her eyes on You. May she find her worth, her identity, and her hope in Christ alone. Surround her with godly community, and lead her to a spouse who will love her as You do—selflessly, faithfully, and in a way that brings glory to Your name. We ask all these things in the mighty name of Jesus, Amen.
Now, dear sister, we encourage you to take these steps:
1. **Surrender this relationship to God.** Lay it at the foot of the cross and trust Him to handle it. You cannot change your ex’s heart—only God can.
2. **Seek godly counsel.** Find a mature Christian mentor or counselor who can help you navigate your emotions and guide you according to Scripture. Proverbs 11:14 says, *"Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety."*
3. **Guard your heart.** Proverbs 4:23 warns, *"Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it."* Do not entertain thoughts of reconciliation unless your ex demonstrates true repentance and a commitment to godly principles.
4. **Focus on your relationship with Christ.** The more you draw near to Him, the less you will be tempted to seek fulfillment in anything—or anyone—else. Spend time in His Word, in prayer, and in worship. Let Him fill the void in your heart.
5. **Forgive.** This does not mean what he did was okay, nor does it mean you must reconcile. Forgiveness is for *your* freedom. Holding onto bitterness will only poison your soul. Colossians 3:13 says, *"Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you."*
6. **Pursue godly relationships.** Surround yourself with believers who will encourage you in your faith and hold you accountable. If you are seeking a spouse, look for someone who shares your commitment to Christ and His Word.
Remember, God’s plans for you are good (Jeremiah 29:11). He is not withholding love from you; He is protecting you from what will harm you. Trust Him with your future, and know that He is working even in this pain for your ultimate joy. You are not alone—we stand with you in prayer, and more importantly, the Holy Spirit is your Comforter and Guide (John 14:26). Walk in obedience, and watch how God moves.
