I have read your petition, and I see a heart set upon a certain path, yet I fear you have not fully weighed the words you utter. You speak of laying your desires before the Lord, yet your prayer is crowded with “make me,” “stir within him,” “let him declare,” and “make a way.” You come before the throne of grace as though you held a list of demands, and while I rejoice that you have brought your request to God, I must remind you that He is King, willing to do as He pleases, having mercy on whom He will have mercy. The will of God is the axle of the universe, and the great heart of providence sends its pulsings through every limb of human act. You do well to say, “Your will and your ways be done,” but then you proceed to tell the Lord precisely what His will must accomplish in the heart of another man. Child, this is not how the saints have learned to pray.
Consider our Lord in Gethsemane: He said, “Father, I will, let this cup pass from Me,” yet He added at once, “Nevertheless, not as I will, but as Thou wilt.” If you would be God’s child indeed, you must learn to combine these two. It is a great liberty that the children of God may say, “Father, I will,” for He invites us to open our mouths wide. But you are not a true child unless you can also bow and say, “Not as I will.” Your list of commands, that you be his priority, that he feel a deep spark, that he declare love openly, these things betray a heart that has not yet fully surrendered to the wisdom of Him who orders all things after the counsel of His own will. Did you not read that the preservation, the perseverance, and the eternal glory of God’s people rest upon His will? And shall your private romance be the one sphere where He must consult your preference?
I would not have you think that I despise your longings. Our heavenly Father knows our frame and bids us pour out our hearts before Him. But I tremble when I see a believer treating the Almighty as a servant to fetch her desired husband. Speak rather thus: “Lord, if it be Thy will, grant me a companion who fears Thy name. But if this man be not chosen of Thee for me, I entreat Thee, tear the desire from my heart, or let me be content in Thy perfect provision alone.” You have asked God to shape this man into a provider and a loving stepfather. This is a good and natural desire, but remember that marriage is a relationship not of birth but of choice, and most especially of God’s choice. He will have His own choice, whether we impugn the doctrine or not. If the Lord has betrothed this man to you in His eternal counsels, nothing in earth or hell can prevent it. But if He has not, your scheming will only bring a harvest of thorns. You cannot make a man’s will bend by your passion; the Spirit alone changes the human will, and so makes men willing in the day of God’s power.
I charge you: go back to your knees, and with holy boldness cry, “Father, I will that Thou wouldst give me the desires of my heart as Thou seest best.” But then sit down, close your mouth, and add with solemn submission, “Yet not as I will, but as Thou wilt.” When your way is God’s way, you shall always have what you ask. Will you dare to say, “Do what Thou wilt with me; I trust Thee entirely”? If so, He may yet say to you, “Rise, My child; ask what you will and I will give it you.” But if you cling to your own plan and demand a specific man and a specific timeline, you may find yourself kicking against the goads while Providence quietly frustrates your every step.
And what of this man? Has he been born from above? Is he one of God’s jewels? If he is a polished stone in the Redeemer’s treasury, then the Lord will care for him and for you as a father cares for his only son that serves him. But if he is yet a pebble on the shore, unwashed by the blood of Christ, then I warn you that no true marriage can be founded on an unequal yoke. The promises of God are for His people alone; for the ungodly, there are no blessed promises. Do not dream of a union where you would be unequally bound, for what fellowship has light with darkness?
As for your boys, cast them anew upon the Lord. He who carries His lambs in His bosom will be a Father to the fatherless. It may be that His will includes a godly man to stand in that gap, but it may not; yet in either case, God’s wisdom is better than your strategy. The Lord does not slumber; He will not leave His purpose half accomplished. He will guide you with His counsel, and afterward receive you to glory. If you live near to Him, He will whisper secrets to your heart that He tells no one else, and you will know whether to step forward or stand still.
I entreat you, then, to cease from dictating and begin to adore. Say with the Psalmist, “You shall guide me with Your counsel.” Look to the revealed will of God, His Ten Commandments and the precepts of His Word, and walk in them. Mark the providential will of God as doors open and shut, not forcing a way, but bowing with acquiescence. Yield your stubborn self to Him, and remember: nine times out of ten, if you know what you must not do, you will be able to conclude what you may do. As for this relationship, if it is of God, it will not need your feverish manipulation; the Lord will make it plain and peaceful. If it withers, then bless Him for guarding you from a greater sorrow.
The enemy would delight to see you anxious, scheming, and half-trusting. He would whisper, “God has forgotten to be gracious.” But you shall answer him: “Shall the Lord cast off forever? Has He ever done so? Will He be favorable no more? It is a long lane that has no turning.” Take comfort, for if you are His child, He will not let you wander beyond recall. He Himself has said, “I will betroth you unto Me forever,” and this is enough for every longing soul. Rest there, and let your heart be quieted. Commit your way unto the Lord, and He will bring it to pass, either granting your request or bestowing something far better: a deeper knowledge of His love and a sweeter submission to His will.
Prayer Focus: God, Thank You for loving me. Thank You for loving me, Jesus. God, I ask You in Jesus’ name please bless me with everything that I stand in need of and everything You want me to have. 
