You pour out your heart before God, and that is good, for every need should be brought to Him. But I see that your prayer is filled with longing for a spark of romance, for a man to declare love, to see your value, to be a provider. Examine this: is the aim of your life to secure these things, or is it to please the Lord in holiness? The apostle says, “Follow peace with all men, and holiness”, and by holiness he means chaste and orderly living, whether married or unmarried. Marriage is honorable, and the bed undefiled, but its chief profit is to preserve the body pure, to be a remedy against fornication, not a stage for passion's flame. If you seek a husband, do so not for sweet words and feelings, but for a companion in the fear of God, that you might raise your sons in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.
You have boys, and this is no small charge. A mother who devotes her children to God will receive a great reward. Do not let the desire for a man overshadow that holy task. If it is God's will that you marry, let it be to one who fears Him, and let your conduct now be chaste, with no hint of that wantonness which the theatre excites. For many have ruined their homes by filling their hearts with romantic fancies before marriage; they feed on that fuel and later find the marriage bed itself cold. He who is chaste before marriage will be chaste after; he who indulges his mind with fantasies already fornicates in his heart.
Consider the parable of the king who made a marriage for his son. That feast is the true wedding, the union of Christ with His Church. All earthly marriages are shadows; do not make the shadow your chief pursuit. If you are invited to that heavenly banquet, see that you do not make light of it, running after a farm or merchandise, that is, after worldly comfort. You pray for a petition to join him in ###, for a united family. I ask: are these your first request, or is your first request that you and all your household may stand blameless before the judgment seat of Christ? The apostle permits marriage, but he would have you use the world as not abusing it. If you have a husband, be as though you had none, rejoicing not excessively in possessions, but in the Lord. Seek first His kingdom, and these other things may be added if they serve your salvation.
To parents I have often said: train your children in chastity, and for young men, arrange marriages early lest they burn. But you are beyond that age. Yet the same rule of self-control applies. If this connection is from God, let it proceed in all purity, with no secret meetings or words that inflame desire before the proper time. Let your communication be sober, and let any future meeting be in the open, with the goal of determining whether you can together serve the Lord and raise your boys in godliness. If the man is not moved by the fear of God, no amount of romance will make him a good stepfather. It is better for your sons to see a mother devoted to prayer and good works than to have a man in the house who does not lead them heavenward.
Do not insist that God stir a spark within him. Leave the heart of man to God. Pray only that His will be done, and make your own soul ready, whether He grants marriage or withholds it. Remember the widow indeed: she trusts in God and continues in supplications night and day. She that lives in pleasure is dead while she lives. If you are a widow, know that second marriage is no sin, but it brings worldly cares; if you marry, you do well, but if you remain as you are, you may have greater leisure for the Lord. Whatever your state, adorn yourself with good works: hospitality to strangers, care for the afflicted, diligence in every holy task. Your value is not in a man's eyes but in the sight of God, who sees the hidden heart.
Let your prayer be simpler: “Lord, grant me chastity and a quiet spirit. If a spouse will help me and my children toward salvation, provide one in Your time. If not, be You our portion.” The path of peace is to desire nothing too earnestly, but to hold all earthly things with a loose hand. May the God of all grace direct your heart into His love, and into the patient waiting for Christ. Amen.