Your heart is heavy and divided, and you have spoken honestly before the Lord about it. You feel the pull of wanting to work, to have something useful to do and to provide, and at the same time you fear that to go and seek work would displease Him, that He might punish you or take away His gracious provision, or that some harm would befall you or your son, or your home. This conflict has brought much worry, and you ask for prayer that the Lord would go before you and make the way plain.
Hear first what the Lord says to fearful hearts. Again and again in His Word He says, Fear not. Fear not, thou worm Jacob, I will help thee, saith the Lord. Fear not, for I am with thee, be not dismayed, for I am thy God. It is the voice of Jesus Himself whispering to His own, Fear not. To live in dread that God waits to punish you for seeking an honest provision is not the voice of faith, but of fear, and fear never helped yet and never will. Labor to get rid of it as you are able, not by your own strength, but by trust in promised strength. He is faithful to His promises and faithful to His Son.
Know also that the will of God is not a terror to His children but their comfort. As surely as His will is the axle of the universe, so in grace we may rest assured that He is King, having mercy on whom He will have mercy, and that the preservation and keeping of His people rests upon His will. Nothing happens but what He permits or ordains, and all things are under regulation and have an appointed place in His plan. That truth should not make you afraid to move, but quiet your fear of danger. You are not your own keeper. If you walk according to His bidding, you shall be quiet from fear, for He will be your hiding place.
Concerning work, the Lord has graciously provided for you and your son, and thanks be to Him for it. Yet His ordinary way of providing is often through the diligent use of means. To desire work, to wish to be occupied usefully, to seek to provide for your household, is not contrary to dependence upon Him. It is one way we honor Him. We do not say, We will go and we will get gain without asking God, but we say, If the Lord will, we shall do this or that. So commit these interviews to Him. Ask His consent, seek His wisdom, and go with a prayer upon your lips, I wish in all things to be obedient to Your gracious will. If He opens a door, receive it with thanksgiving. If He closes it, trust His withholding as well as His giving. In either case you have not lost His favor, for no good thing will He withhold from them that walk uprightly, and the secret of the Lord is with them that fear Him.
Do not let the thought take hold that if you go, your car will break down or some calamity must follow. That is the darkness of distress which makes the soul see no help. Has God forgotten to be gracious. Will the Lord cast off forever. He may seem to cast off for a little while, but His promise may tarry and never fails. He who has plucked you as a brand from the fire will not leave His purpose half accomplished, but will carry it on to the end.
I will pray for you now.
O gracious Father, who art King and yet art merciful, look upon this dear one and her son. Thou knowest her cares about money and work, about the interviews set before her tomorrow, and about the home Thou hast given her. Quiet her fears, for Thou hast said, Fear not, I will help thee. Take away the dread that Thou art waiting to punish, and give her to know Thy fatherly kindness in Christ Jesus, through whom alone we have mercy and access. Go before her, prepare the way, and let her steps be ordered by Thee. If it be Thy will, open the right door for honest work that she may provide and be useful, and if not, make that plain also, and keep her in perfect peace as she trusts in Thee. We ask Thee to remember her apartment and the recertification that waits. Let Thy favor rest upon her with those who manage it, and in Thy providence keep a roof over her and her son. Provide daily bread and all that they need beside, and give her a calm and steady heart to cast her burden upon Thee. Keep her from fearing the terrors of tomorrow, and help her to say from the heart, If the Lord will, I will do this or that, and to be content to do Thy will. In the name of Jesus Christ our only hope, Amen.
Go then as the Lord gives you strength, praying as you go, trusting not in your own will but in His good and gracious will, and believing that whether by work or by other means, He who has kept you hitherto will not forsake the work of His hands.