Joan Vasquez
Disciple of Prayer
It is a little bit complicated, We live in another country each other. Amm we met on net, but we planned to meet each other because I don't need a visa to come to her country. God was the center of our love, we wanted to study theology and dedicate our life to GOD, to serve GOD and do His will together, preach the gospel of GOD together. I was looking for a job during a year and I could not get it. She broke with me, She said she had lost her faith about me coming there and she was afraid of just waiting there. She asked me to be just a friend. I said yes, but I could not see her just as a friend, and she could not too. I tried not to write to her during a little time but I was thinking of her every day.
After I wrote her back, She told me she still feels for me and everything, but She's with someone else now, I told her, how will you get married and feel what you feel for me? it would not make sense. She cried.
After that, she told me she was not feeling alright and she deleted her fb. I wrote her an email, and she told me:
Yes, I won't lie but I still feel something for you, and many things, but in other there are many things complicated than love too like family, etc. In addition, amm already engaged with another person, I promise to marry with him that's why I can't get back to my decision. I was afraid waiting on you here, because I was already waiting during 1 year and I don't want it again for this year that's why I decided to meet someone else. I don't know yet if he is the man that God gave to me, I just trust in God and waiting His will.
I stayed thinking, so I wrote her this:
Look ###, I will not tell this because I love you or because my feeling for you, but I will it because I want the best for you, I think you feel a little bit confused, GOD is not God of confusion 1 Co 14:33. All I can say, sometimes as human we make decisions because our family, because the society thinks things, because we feel afraid, etc, but when we take decisions because we feel all of these things, it makes you feel confused, GOD is not GOD of confusion.
I wanted to be with you and your family because I feel they were/are very important to me, sometimes we make promises but we must ask ourselves, is that what GOD wants for me? there is something I knew years ago, sometimes our worst mistake comes because we think when we must feel, and we feel when we must think. But marrying someone because what people says or think, while our heart says another thing....
Do you know why I say I feel your family are important to me? because since the beginning I have felt them they are my family, as if I knew them from year and wanted to pray with them every day, sometimes when I was praying at night I used to imagine, you and your family and I were together praying.
So, I will keep myself praying for you, I will wait on you and trust in JESUS, but I won't force you, because if JESUS made we were together and I know and trust HE can do it again! His word says be patient and trust in ME. I love you, if I wouldn't then I wouldn't pray for it. for the moment I pray and trust in GOD who can do everything.
She told me this:
If we won't together during 1 year and after that I decide to come back to you, would you forgive me and want to marry me again ###???
I wrote her this:
I already did it, I forgive you every day because I love you, if I wouldn't then, I would not pray God for you, don't you think so?
###, as I told you, I wake up early in the morning to pray God, I stay talking to God in my head during all day, at night I pray to God, and after all tribulation I have learned how to trust in God more than before everything happened!
I love you with all my heart, I can wait on you 1 million years if necessary by the grace of God. I told you if I don't get married with you then I won't get married anyone, and I will only become a missionary in the whole world traveling and taking the gospel of God to different places.
If I won't marry anyone except you, what makes you think I would not wait on you ###? But I want God to create a ministry in which you and I preach the gospel of God, amm it can be there in your city.
But if you want me to be there early next year, I could also do it, because I know by the grace of God and thanks to God, I will start working soon, and God also showed me another way to make some money apart of working, with source code(I am a programmer).
So, I won't force you ###, but I will wait on you as much as necessary, I will trust in Jesus, I won't stop praying Jesus, because He really knows how much I love you with all my heart, if you love, you forgive no matter what happens, and I forgive you! By the love of God we must forgive one each other.
She told me this:
I never saw such love like this, amm won't be worth for you ###, because I ...... many bad things against you!
I said this to her:
You are, I thought I was not worthy to God, and He said to me: But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved— and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, ... Ephesians 2:4-9.
No matter what we have done ###, what really matters is what God has for us. Jesus taught me that. If Jesus can forgive then I can, I have to...
I have to wait on you because you are the girl He brought into my way, if He brought you into my way, then I must pray for you. I couldn't marry another person because Jesus knows my heart. So then I wake up early in the morning and pray for you, my faith it has to be based on God. You are worthy of my love for you, as you are worthy of the love of Jesus for you. I was created to follow and think like Jesus,
take on an entirely new way of life — a God-fashioned life, a life renewed from the inside and working itself into your conduct as God accurately reproduces his character in you Ephesians 4:22.
I will wait on you, no matter what happens, I will wait as Jesus waits on us. My love for you, it does not come from me myself ###, it comes from God, I love you as Jesus loves you.
And I said this to her:
No, thank you to God for our love for each other ###, and I will be praying... because by the grace of God I know I will be there with you, I still want to hug you so much at the airport... So, I will pray too much, I want to pray with your family, because I really mean it ###, they're my family too, and when I used to pray, I was thinking they were there too, and we pray together, I will start thinking the same way again. God will give a ministry for us, You, your family and I, It'll be a ministry of God of course, not our ministry but God will give it to us to attend it, that's why I still dream of studying theology with you! I love God, and I love you too! I could only live my life with God, but God knows that I need you next to me to attend His ministry!! We must pray together ###.
She told me this:
ok, I don't know how to say, just thanks, I wish everything will be like before but it's become a little bit complicated, my heart is divided by two.
Just a moment ago, they called me for a Job, and I know by the grace of GOD, I can be there early next year, I miss her. I need a miracle from GOD for everything to be like before, I love her and I don't want to lose her, but she still feels the same for me, she is afraid of breaking with him, I understand to her, I know GOD united us and what GOD united cannot be broken. If she does not feel for him as she feels for me, that means GOD has another person for him. If GOD has not removed her feeling for me, it is for a reason, I pray during all day to GOD, because I need a miracle. Please, pray all of you with me, in order for this miracle to happen, she still loves me as I love her but I am asking GOD to show her the right decision and take her back to me.
After I wrote her back, She told me she still feels for me and everything, but She's with someone else now, I told her, how will you get married and feel what you feel for me? it would not make sense. She cried.
After that, she told me she was not feeling alright and she deleted her fb. I wrote her an email, and she told me:
Yes, I won't lie but I still feel something for you, and many things, but in other there are many things complicated than love too like family, etc. In addition, amm already engaged with another person, I promise to marry with him that's why I can't get back to my decision. I was afraid waiting on you here, because I was already waiting during 1 year and I don't want it again for this year that's why I decided to meet someone else. I don't know yet if he is the man that God gave to me, I just trust in God and waiting His will.
I stayed thinking, so I wrote her this:
Look ###, I will not tell this because I love you or because my feeling for you, but I will it because I want the best for you, I think you feel a little bit confused, GOD is not God of confusion 1 Co 14:33. All I can say, sometimes as human we make decisions because our family, because the society thinks things, because we feel afraid, etc, but when we take decisions because we feel all of these things, it makes you feel confused, GOD is not GOD of confusion.
I wanted to be with you and your family because I feel they were/are very important to me, sometimes we make promises but we must ask ourselves, is that what GOD wants for me? there is something I knew years ago, sometimes our worst mistake comes because we think when we must feel, and we feel when we must think. But marrying someone because what people says or think, while our heart says another thing....
Do you know why I say I feel your family are important to me? because since the beginning I have felt them they are my family, as if I knew them from year and wanted to pray with them every day, sometimes when I was praying at night I used to imagine, you and your family and I were together praying.
So, I will keep myself praying for you, I will wait on you and trust in JESUS, but I won't force you, because if JESUS made we were together and I know and trust HE can do it again! His word says be patient and trust in ME. I love you, if I wouldn't then I wouldn't pray for it. for the moment I pray and trust in GOD who can do everything.
She told me this:
If we won't together during 1 year and after that I decide to come back to you, would you forgive me and want to marry me again ###???
I wrote her this:
I already did it, I forgive you every day because I love you, if I wouldn't then, I would not pray God for you, don't you think so?
###, as I told you, I wake up early in the morning to pray God, I stay talking to God in my head during all day, at night I pray to God, and after all tribulation I have learned how to trust in God more than before everything happened!
I love you with all my heart, I can wait on you 1 million years if necessary by the grace of God. I told you if I don't get married with you then I won't get married anyone, and I will only become a missionary in the whole world traveling and taking the gospel of God to different places.
If I won't marry anyone except you, what makes you think I would not wait on you ###? But I want God to create a ministry in which you and I preach the gospel of God, amm it can be there in your city.
But if you want me to be there early next year, I could also do it, because I know by the grace of God and thanks to God, I will start working soon, and God also showed me another way to make some money apart of working, with source code(I am a programmer).
So, I won't force you ###, but I will wait on you as much as necessary, I will trust in Jesus, I won't stop praying Jesus, because He really knows how much I love you with all my heart, if you love, you forgive no matter what happens, and I forgive you! By the love of God we must forgive one each other.
She told me this:
I never saw such love like this, amm won't be worth for you ###, because I ...... many bad things against you!
I said this to her:
You are, I thought I was not worthy to God, and He said to me: But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved— and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, ... Ephesians 2:4-9.
No matter what we have done ###, what really matters is what God has for us. Jesus taught me that. If Jesus can forgive then I can, I have to...
I have to wait on you because you are the girl He brought into my way, if He brought you into my way, then I must pray for you. I couldn't marry another person because Jesus knows my heart. So then I wake up early in the morning and pray for you, my faith it has to be based on God. You are worthy of my love for you, as you are worthy of the love of Jesus for you. I was created to follow and think like Jesus,
take on an entirely new way of life — a God-fashioned life, a life renewed from the inside and working itself into your conduct as God accurately reproduces his character in you Ephesians 4:22.
I will wait on you, no matter what happens, I will wait as Jesus waits on us. My love for you, it does not come from me myself ###, it comes from God, I love you as Jesus loves you.
And I said this to her:
No, thank you to God for our love for each other ###, and I will be praying... because by the grace of God I know I will be there with you, I still want to hug you so much at the airport... So, I will pray too much, I want to pray with your family, because I really mean it ###, they're my family too, and when I used to pray, I was thinking they were there too, and we pray together, I will start thinking the same way again. God will give a ministry for us, You, your family and I, It'll be a ministry of God of course, not our ministry but God will give it to us to attend it, that's why I still dream of studying theology with you! I love God, and I love you too! I could only live my life with God, but God knows that I need you next to me to attend His ministry!! We must pray together ###.
She told me this:
ok, I don't know how to say, just thanks, I wish everything will be like before but it's become a little bit complicated, my heart is divided by two.
Just a moment ago, they called me for a Job, and I know by the grace of GOD, I can be there early next year, I miss her. I need a miracle from GOD for everything to be like before, I love her and I don't want to lose her, but she still feels the same for me, she is afraid of breaking with him, I understand to her, I know GOD united us and what GOD united cannot be broken. If she does not feel for him as she feels for me, that means GOD has another person for him. If GOD has not removed her feeling for me, it is for a reason, I pray during all day to GOD, because I need a miracle. Please, pray all of you with me, in order for this miracle to happen, she still loves me as I love her but I am asking GOD to show her the right decision and take her back to me.
